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Such a confusing situation. I need help!


Madilyn09

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So I've know this guy "Will" forever, he went to school with my sister and is 7 years older than me. I am 19 he is 25. He's the kind of guy that know's he's good looking, and is a little on the cocky side, but also very honest and genuine. We hung out for the first time in February, on a houseboat. After making out the first time we hung out, we didn't talk for about three weeks, until I texted him and said I wanted to see him again and that I liked him. He explained right then that he had broken up with his girlfriend of one year in January, and was serious about not wanting a relationship. He told me that he had never hung out with a girl he was so physically attracted to and not had it turn into something sexual, and that he did not want me to think that he was using me. I agreed that I didn't really want a relationship either, and that we should try to hang out and just stay platonic. He agreed, and we decided to hang out.

 

 

I went to his house, and the first 3 hours were fine, we just watched tv and talked and got to know each other a little better. We have a serious sexual chemistry, and are both very physically attracted to each other. I started to get a little horny and asked him how the whole platonic thing was working for him, long story short, we started making out, had amazing sex, and I ended up staying over. We kept hanging out about every other day, and I went with him to the lake to watch him wake board (he's really good =) Everything was fine the first two weeks until we didn't talk for about 5 days, and I started to miss him, and think about him all the time. So I called him, and we hung out again, he said that he was worried I was going to get attached to him and he didn't want me to think anything had changed...we had sex, and then a week went by, with no word.

 

 

I texted him last monday and told him that the whole situation was too hard on me, and that I thought it was best that I back off, because every time I had sex with him, I grew more attached. He said that that was exactly what he was afraid of, and that he didn't know what to say or do. Somehow, our conversation turned around and I ended up going to his house that night. We started making out like 10 minutes after I got there and I could tell he wanted to have sex, so I asked him if he wanted me to want him more, and fall for him, he couldnt answer...after we had sex, a friend "Nate" called him, and was talking asking for advice because he liked a girl that one of their friends "Jake" had previously had a thing with. Will replied that it didn't matter because Jake wasn't interested in the girl, and that he knew that Jake wouldn't mind because he had had his chance with her, and turned her down. After they got off the phone, I asked Will (figuratively) if he would mind if I started talking to Jake....again, he had a hard time responding...he asked me why I would ask such a question, and seemed really bothered by it, even a little jealous. He said that first of all, Jake wouldn't do that, because he would know to ask Will if it was alright first....but that he wouldn't mind if I talked to Jake and got in a committed relationship with him, because Will has already told me that he can't give me that "right now". He said that he needed a few months of being single to think about things because he was so unhappy about his last relationship (not that he misses her, just how it turned out) I told him I understood...but really, I was soo confused with all of his mixed messages.

 

I also deleted him from facebook, when I texted him and said we shouldn't talk anymore, because I didn't want to see what he was doing and be hurt...and he was upset that I had done that. He said it was "cute" and immature...and teased that hes never going to accept a friend request from me again...I told him that it didn't matter because he probably never looked at my page anyway, and he said that he had probably 50 times, because he always looks at profiles of people he is "interested" in...

 

I am legitimately confused, I know that he says he doesn't want a "committed" relationship, but he is sending me so many mixed messages and double standards. I don't know if I should wait it out and see if maybe we could have something in the future, or if I should just stop, because I don't want him to loose respect for me. It's so confusing and it sucks. I want him sooo bad, but I don't know what to do!

 

I'm sorry I wrote so much, and thank you SO much for reading, I seriously need help!

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first of all...YOU know exactly what you want. at this time he obviously does not. he seems like a pretty upfront and honest guy so i can respect that from a female point of view. but he definetely put you on a roller coaster of emotions. as far as the sex goes hunny...sounds like it might be gettin in the way of the whole "original plan" if u get what im saying. and prolly makes u feel stupid afterwards cuz ure still not achieving what u really want from this guy. u seem very smart and worthy of somebody who is not confused and willing to make it "more". keep in mind he is 25 and just got out of a relationship that mustve hurt him in some way. he did tell you he is not ready. so my advice is...see other ppl and be true to ureself. by all means you do NOT have to cut him out of ure life but do not give into him anymore until he is sure of what he wants. only time can tell. i suggest not having sex wit him anymore cuz it has not helped much in ure case lol. if in the end he finds himself willing to be wit you and wanting you for real then thats great but ure going to need to put up a wall and make him fight for that now. if he cant handle not having sex with you or giving you what u want then he is not the guy you need to spend ure time worrying about. make it very clear you will not waste ure time waiting around, thats when guys finally decide to step up or step out!!! good luck!

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THank you, seems this is the best advice i have had so far lol. We have tried so many times to not be intimate lol..it's sooo hard! I am a total pleaser and I love the sex that we have, it's amazing...best I've ever had. Lol...but I know that its probably messing things up. What is the best way to play hard to get? any suggestions? im horrible at it!

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Its obvious that you and this guy want different things right now, and because of your sexual connection you will never be able to be platonic. I think you are right in cutting him out of your life, plus he is way too old for you. Call me old fashioned, but I have always thought it is so gross when guys in their mid 20's go after teenagers. You should find someone more your own age who wants similar things.

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