aporia14 Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 I just want him to lower his spending relative to his income. We kinda spoke last night and he has assured me that he would love to have more children as we originally planned but he has also said that they would never be as important to him as his daughter....ouch! I am okay with him loving them equally, which I think he will love all his children the same but I guess he is being honest by admitting that because he was the one to leave his previous marriage there is a guilt there that will always make his first daughter a little more important. Also, he doesn't have much confidence in his ex-wife. I guess I should be taking this as a compliment. How should I feel about this? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 His feelings once he actually holds his new children will probably change - almost instantaneously. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazyaboutdogs Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 I would say that this is a big red flag. Firstly, it sounds like he has spending issues. Secondly it sounds like any children you have with him will not get treated the same way as his first child. Not fair to any children you may have with him. How does he treat you in the relationship? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sanesoul Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 I honestly think that if someone has this mindset then they shouldn't have any more children. I am the same way. I love my daughter so devestatingly much, not only because she is my child, but because she gave me the mother-daughter bond I have needed since I was 6 years old. I will not have any more children because I know that I would not be able to feel the same about them, especially if it were a boy. It's not an option for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
petite Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 After everything you have posted on your other thread and now this, I seriously would reconsider being with this person. As for kids, it I were in your situation I wouldn't risk having kids with him. No decent person says this, especially a parent. I just can't imagine how anyone can say something like that and be serious. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
civilservant Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 I agree with DN, I can only see those opinions changing when he holds his newborn baby. That said, its a hugely hurtful thing to say to anyone. When you say 'rein in' his spending, is it something that causes you arguments? Is the relationship a good one in general? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aporia14 Posted April 6, 2010 Author Share Posted April 6, 2010 He is a wonderful, loving, and affectionate man. He is patient. He does have a lot of guilt about many things that he needs to let go of because they are things he cannot change. His overwhelming guilt often makes him extremely hyper-sensitive so I am always viewed as the mean insensitive person. I just wish he would let me share some of his emotional burdens rather than shutting me out and blurting-out occasional FYIs. We have a good relationship when we are not dealing with other issues...and we have many outside issues. We enjoy each other tremendously...that's why my decision to get a divorce is soo difficult. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cognitive_Canine Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 His opinion will probably change. I can't imagine people having that bias towards their own children. But, if it doesn't, it could be quite an awful situation. Do you think he'd do that? Sounds like you two have other issues you can deal with before you worry about children. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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