Don't EVER cheat on your significant other.

[Struggling23]

I snoop as well don't blame anyone for not, and I've found out disgusting emails from exes after my ex fiancé.

 

I learned my lesson, better to be single than to constantly worry

[AMR]

I can tell you first hand how it feels to be cheated on. I would have rather her just leave then to do what she did to me. It's been over a year and I still feel it every day. The way it affects my life now and how I view other women.

mmm... sorry for you.

Well, and for me too, as i´m on the same boat!

 

Hope i am not like that in 1 year from now... but i m afraid would take a while to recover.

 

 

The worst part is how difficult it is to let go, especially if it was a long term relationship. NC is NOT easy and I completely failed at it, btw.

 

 

no one said was easy.

Being cheated on sucks, since my ex fiancé cheated on me I keep on having failed relationships because I can't trust a woman fully again.

 

Sorry to hear that.

That is one of my fears..How badly will impact my next relationships.

I guess depends in how was the whole "break-up", "cheatting thing".

 

When one hears words like:

- I promise you he is only a friend (with the person crying and looking straight to your eyes)

- I realized he is not for me, I do not love him, I´m in love with you, I want to work it out, I want you to be my life partner (and "try" to get you back once, twice...)

 

... and ends up in a really different way... Well, as i said to a friend, "I already heard all the excuses and seen all acts a human being can do".

 

Gets hard to trust anyone saying those words again!!!

 

For that is that all of you are right:

Cheating may happen for A, B or C, but what these people would never realize until happens to them is how much they hurted the other person...

 

And I know cheating is hard on women, but the thing is you guys don't know how bad it affects a man. All our sense of pride and honor and dignity is washed away when we know that our woman doesn't see us as good enough for them, and actually let someone else inside her. You can't even imagine how destructive this has been to my self confidence. I can't even look at a picture of myself without thinking, "damn, I'm ugly", or something, even though I know it isn't true...it is just what I feel.

 

I personally will never fall in love again, unless the girl is absolutely perfect and we've been dating for a long enough time for me to know. And I will never trust again.

Ugh, it hurts so bad=(.

 

 

Gym. Change wardrobe. Update hair cut. Date. Hang around with mates. Rebuild that inner strength in you that you had when being single !!

Do not let them take you that away from you !!

 

If have issues with trusting people, maybe a counselor could help.

 

In my case I would try ANYTHING to get myself back !!

 

Leave them, do whatever, but don't ever cheat. The pain is beyond unbearable. If you even have one ounce of feeling towards the other person, don't cheat, because I promise you this--EVERYONE finds out. You can't hide it.

 

What a true !!

[AMR]

I think some one said lost few pounds.

I lost 33... not that is a matter of making a contest but just to point how can affect the person who has been cheated.

Physcially, loosing weight, their phisical apearance...

 

But i think the worse is emotionally, bad sleep, sleeping a lot, waking up, moody, feeling of "i am not worth", "I am the worse"... and well the list could go endless...

 

 

Mention that, if anyeone wants to add anything, feel free.

 

Maybe one day a person who is close to cheat would read it and...(in my opinion is better) would split before cheating.

[Alstott Fan]

I'm with you 100% on this. I will NEVER let my guard down with another woman. I did with my ex-wife and that's when she started acting a fool and cheating on me. If I would have found out before she walked out on me out of the blue I could have ended the marriage on my terms and been in control instead of being blindsided and powerless and having no say in how the divorce went down. So as far as I'm concerned "snooping" is fine by me.

 

As it stands now I can't see myself getting into another serious relationship. People tell me "that will change", but I don't think so. I've been through LTR breakups and being cheated on before and I've never felt this way. It's not really being cheated on that did it to me, it's how she fooled everyone, including her own family, and plotted the destruction of our lives together and our family. If my BS detector is so broke that I couldn't see what she was doing, and neither could anyone else, than I don't need to be in any type of serious relationship. I obviously attract and am attracted to borderline women who exhibit darn near sociopath behavior. Not good.

[yonanz]

Leave them, do whatever, but don't ever cheat. The pain is beyond unbearable. If you even have one ounce of feeling towards the other person, don't cheat, because I promise you this--EVERYONE finds out. You can't hide it.

 

i agree. but sometimes we operate on impulse and irrationality. there are TONS of people who has done it and regretted tremendously. i guess the way for many to learn the hard consequences is to cheat and then get caught! no amount of lecturing or advice in good faith can really teach them unless they have been through a hard lesson!

[absinthe]

Cheating doesn't always pay off for the cheater. That's why I divorced my first husband due to his infidelity.

 

Today, 3 years after the divorce, I'm married to a wonderful, loving and giving man and are 8 months pregnant with our first.

 

The ex on the otherhand continues to regret his cheating since he's yet to find someone who he considers my equal.

 

Karma sometimes works in strange ways.

[greywolf]

You can't control nature. Cheating will always exists. The ruling class can come up with as many institutions as they want but we men are geared to spread our dna as far and wide as possible whilee women are enginered to pick the best man for her offsprings.

 

cheating has nothing to do with gender/sex and everything to do with values and character.

[tiffyb]

Leave them, do whatever, but don't ever cheat. The pain is beyond unbearable. If you even have one ounce of feeling towards the other person, don't cheat, because I promise you this--EVERYONE finds out. You can't hide it.

 

oh my. ur right. my dumb jerk husband cheated on me & i took him back ( i actually wanted him back) like an idiot. yes the pain is unbearable. yes everyone finds out alot more than they want to know!!!

[moyno85]

I cheated on my girlfriend over 3 years over a year ago now and I am still devastated I lost her. I spent a year trying to make it up to her but nothing worked. She had a new boyfriend 3 weeks after we broke up and she is still with him.

 

Don't cheat, it sucks.

[BiggestMistake]

Don't do it. Whatever your reasons might be. You will ruin your life and should never listen to anyone who promises you the world when they have no ties to you but you do to another. Leave it alone. It will never be worth it.

[Carus]

...one of the worst feelings in the world is knowing that you were cheated on by someone you cared about/loved and they couldn't give a flying flip about you or your feelings.

And the other is when they also move on straight into another long term RS....It cuts*

All I can say is that it will come back on them. The happiness they think they have will not be there when the one being cheated on is happy.

We can but hope.....*

 

Ever Forward

K2*

[Doc Blaze]

Cheating doesn't always pay off for the cheater. That's why I divorced my first husband due to his infidelity.

 

Today, 3 years after the divorce, I'm married to a wonderful, loving and giving man and are 8 months pregnant with our first.

 

The ex on the otherhand continues to regret his cheating since he's yet to find someone who he considers my equal.

 

Karma sometimes works in strange ways.

 

 

^^^ this is true...one of my exs the one that i thought was the one cheated on me, i used to let her walk all over me get what she wanted and etc...but she wouldnt let me do anything it was either hang out with her or cry about me not spending time with her..welll LIFE IS A B****....and now i heard her husband is so insecure that she hates her life and cant do anything because he gets so mad and upset...

 

and now i have the most wonderful gf and after hard yrs of pain and suffer, i couldnt be more happuier than the girl im with right now...but it did take me a long time to open up to letting someone special into my life again..this is the longest relationship ive been in in yrs.

[kyivish]

Being cheated on has been the worst thing in my life. The absolute hardest part is knowing I didn't make a big enough impact on her life to stop her from going home with a stranger. I feel worthless, I feel betrayed, I feel empty, I feel humilated, I feel extreme anger towards the other guy (as he was a friend of a friend and was chatting with me the night he took home my girlfriend whom was sitting right next to me), I feel I can't trust again, I feel like it was all my fault, I feel like I lost "the one", I feel lied to, I feel like an idiot for thinking the relationship was going wonderfully, I feel dead inside, I feel frustration, I feel extreme depression, I feel like half a man....and much much more.

 

It hasn't gotten any easier, it doesn't help that I work with her, and I work with his ex, as he used to work there also. He comes to the store all the time to take her out to lunch...That seems very cruel on both their parts. I hear he is very controlling and insults her when they go out. The other guy spent the entire night joking about how big his * * * * was and how he would force his exes to preform oral sex when they didn't want to.

 

How and why was this guy able to steal my girlfriend away? How can he now live my life? I've always tried to be a man of character, in the end I have nothing to show for it. I can't believe she can look at him and not see the pain she caused, what goes through someones head when they kiss their boyfriend goodnight then within minutes goes home with another guy?

 

Sorry this is still very fresh for me. Everyday she doesn't call me sobbing and begging for me to take her back is another day of betrayal

[Etoile]

Kyivish, I'm so sorry to hear about your situation..

 

I think I read in one of your previous posts that your ex had admitted cheating in a previous relationship. Sounds like she hasn't changed much. Don't be surprised if she cheats on her new boyfriend. I'm sorry to say she was probably always going to leave you in this way but you mustn't feel worthless, you are definitely not half a man and it was definitely not your fault. You did nothing wrong. You put your trust and love in a woman who didn't deserve it.

 

I'm afraid this man didn't steal her away she went very much of her own accord. She doesn't seem very stable and I don't really think she has any empathy. I wouldn't take her back if I were you, even if she offered - you can't trust her. I know it's hard working with her. I don't know what to suggest to help you there. Just try to distance yourself as much as possible from her. Minimal contact if possible. Take each day as it comes and stay strong.

 

I'm in a similar position to you. My ex left our 2 and 1/2 year relationship for someone else. He started seeing her about a month before we broke up but it was going on for longer if you see what I mean. Our relationship was long distance at this point and he met her at work. Unlike your ex my ex doesn't have a history of cheating. I had no idea he was cheating and I didn't know that he no longer loved me. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. It really hurt and still does. I'm coping with the same issues you are. I feel worthless, no self esteem and such a failure but I try to remind myself that my ex had every opportunity to tell me he was unhappy in the relationship, to try to work things out with me, to admit that he was attracted to another and to end the relationship with me before getting into an emotional relationship with this girl and also before he started going out with her. Your ex had the same opportunities. If she was unhappy with your relationship she could have told you. Don't ever feel you did anything wrong because you didn't. You deserve better!

[mrmaximum]

I just want to echo what Etoile stated, she didn't leave because you wheren't good enough, she left because of her. You are fighting a losing battle, trying to find out where it was you went wrong which could have averted this situation. Cheating does indeed happen for a myriad of reasons, but in situations like yours the WS is the one with the issue and essentially a ticking timebomb in and of themselves.

 

I've encountered cases where some WS's are sponges for external validation from the opposite sex. They need, sorry, CRAVE it as they haven't learned or understood that the best validation comes from within. Trying to validate a person like this is trying to fill the grand canyon with a shovel, it's impossible, only they can do it for themselves.

 

Much easier for me so say than it is for you to do, but you have to stop comparing yourself to this OM. No one is perfect, to be sure we all have our shortcomings, but if you think that this happened because YOU failed, and then look at yourself while comparing this jerky who left his partner, forces himself on women, and unsympathetically shoves the situation in your faces by dropping by your mutual workplace, all this serves to do is batter your self esteem.

 

They way to view this isn't that;

 

"I lost my woman to a jerk, I must really suck!"

 

No, more like; "What the heck kind of woman was she that she would leave me for a married, selfish, moron?"

 

Her choice says nothing about you, remember this, it says more about her, get it? No matter who we are, we will always wonder about the person who leaves a better deal for an obviously worse one and burns the bridge behind them. That shows a distinct lack of common sense, empathy, you get the picture, right?

 

kyivish, bro, this wasn't your fault. You could have been the most perfect partner the world has ever seen, the fact that she made the choice that she did should tell you that nothing you would or could have down would have affected the outcome.

[kyivish]

Thanks for yall's input. I'm really trying to move on, I keep telling myself that I'm better than all of this. I could and would never do this nor would I ever allow it to be thrown in my exes face at work. I'm really going to just focus on being a good man.

 

But what has caused the most difficulties in recovery is that during the relationship things were so good. We rarely fought, we were very comfortable with eachother. Basically I look back on the relationship and I still am in disbelief that she could do this to me. I always assumed the relationship she had with her ex husband was rocky at best. Now I think he was probably just as shocked if not more so than I was.