My Brother's Girlfriend Possibly Not Over An Ex.

[vertigoxo]

Last night, my brother (16) and I had a nice talk. He told me about how he and his girlfriend (15) are... I have to say, it doesn't look too good. They have been dating for about 4 months now, almost 5 maybe. So it's not a short relationship anymore and it's becoming a mid-length one. My brother used to have a cute little girlfriend many years ago that he had to leave behind since we all had to move to another state, which is here in Pennsylvania. It's been 4 years since we moved.

 

Anyway, I'm getting off topic... My brother was telling me how his girlfriend doesn't go without a week, hell, not even a day, without bringing up this one "ex" of hers, who they didn't even date at all, all the time. During the summer of 09, while my brother and her were just friends (they were friends for years and he was there for her when her house burned down last year), she lost her virginity to this totally disgusting guy at a fair. 6 months later, her and my brother started to date.

 

My brother lost his virginity to her. She is a bit of a "bad girl"- She smokes (well, used to) ciggs and pot (I don't have anything against pot, in fact, I enjoy myself a few times a year), drinks like a fish (She actually told my brother to not drink at New Year's, and then she got really drunk herself, which I thought wasn't fair), has a monroe piercing, and has alienated my brother from all of his friends except maybe 1 or 2 close ones.

 

So anyway... My brother goes on about how upset he is that he couldn't be the one to take her virginity, and it had to be, in his words, "that s-word". (It's "scum" and then another word, lol!)

 

I told him that it isn't nice to hold that fact against her, because the past isn't relevent to what they have today. He agrees with me, because he holds this mindset that the past should be left behind, and he hates it when people live in the past all the time. He is a very nice guy to everyone around him, treats people the way he wants to be treated, is passionate about skateboarding, etc. He told me that he wouldn't feel so bad about this if his girlfriend would stop bringing the other guy up all the time. Examples of this would be that she wants to have sex with my brother outside in public, just like her and the other guy did in the past. Another example would be when they were walking outside and my brother pointed out these rocks look like the one in this town near us. Then she goes, "Oh... Don't remind me." and he was like, "What do you mean?" and she's like, "They're the rocks from ______. You know what I'm talking about, right?"

 

It was the town where she lost her virginity to the other guy. So my brother, naturally, got upset, and told me, "You know, she could have said, oh, yeah, those rocks do look like the ones from _____, you know? But no... HAD to be that guy!"

 

So anyway... The reason why my family and I aren't moving away is because of my brother's relationship with this girl. I told my brother that he should communicate with her, and that while he shouldn't break up with her... I don't see any potential between him and her.

 

Oh, and get this... His girlfriend and the other guy talk to each other ALL THE TIME. My brother casually looked through her phone one time a while back, and found nothing but texts between them. While they were casual, another thing made him feel bad; The guy also commented on her profile picture on Facebook on how "hot she looks". I could understand my brother's frustrations now... His girlfriend would also bring up on how they had sex, where they did it, what position, etc. Which of course, made my brother even more upset.

 

So anyway... What do you guys think? What does it mean when a girl keeps bringing up the guy she lost her virginity to all the time? This is starting to become a Deja Vu episode for me because my brother reminds me so much of myself back then and his girlfriend reminds me so much of my ex, and I NEVER want my brother to go through the heap loads of pain and emotional trauma that I went through thanks to my ex... What should I tell him next time?

[In the Dark]

People say they do not really get over their first.

This is false for me.

I know I have long ago.

 

But this is still new and it appears she has not.

Your Brother may have even been her rebound.

 

But yeah, he needs to stop being such a doormat and ask his GF the serious questions instead of fearing them.

 

e.g.

"Are you over your ex?"

 

Regardless of him being a total loser, it doesn't matter.

He was her first.

 

It stays.

[vertigoxo]

People say they do not really get over their first.

This is false for me.

I know I have long ago.

 

But this is still new and it appears she has not.

Your Brother may have even been her rebound.

 

But yeah, he needs to stop being such a doormat and ask his GF the serious questions instead of fearing them.

 

e.g.

"Are you over your ex?"

 

Regardless of him being a total loser, it doesn't matter.

He was her first.

 

It stays.

 

You're right. I feel so bad for my brother... He treats her like a queen. He showers her with attention, love and various (expensive) gifts... And this is the thanks he gets...

 

Sigh. Oh well. He deserves better.

 

I do believe people can get over their firsts. My brother is way way over his first ever girlfriend... Hardly thinks of her at all unless someone mentions her to him.

[In the Dark]

Oh no....first GF is different from first person you lose your virginity to.

That's why your Brother was over her so easily.

 

This one however.....probably not.

 

Your BFs GF has asked him if it was okay.

Of course he said yes.

In his eyes she will never do wrong.

So talking about her ex does not mean she is going to go back to him in his mind.

 

Maybe.....maybe not.

 

Only thing you can do is say your concerns, but be aware you may be proven wrong in the future.

Only time will tell.