How do I get over ...

[helll]

I can see pretty well that I am not alone! That's a comfort.

 

I met this guy at my condo and we are on the social committee together. I expressed my interest to him and he asked me on a date. The evening went well and we had a lot of fun. The second date, he made the moves on me and I went along because I was really attracted to him. So before we went any further, he told me that he didn't want to be in a serious relationship. Yes, that is an alarm bell. I know. My first instinct was to kick him out of my place. But, I was so unsure. We did sleep together and I told him that it is important to me to have something with someone when I am intimate with them. A little late for the news, I know. He said that he could see it was important to me and would give it a try. He said for us to take things slow.

 

And we did after that. We would just hang together and get to know eachother.

 

I was giving him his space. He then dropped the bomb on me and told me that he didn't want to mislead me. He didn't see us progressing in the future. He just can't be in a relationship right now. I said okay. So we were to be friends. I didn't blow up at him, but left things amiable with him. Probably with the hope that he would change his mind.

 

So I would touch base with him once in a while to see how he was doing. He invites me to a party at his place. I was little hesitant about going because I was afraid of seeing him with someone else. ( I suspected he was). All was well at the party and was talking to people and schmoozing and having a good time. He had a friend over that people were speculating if there was more going on. I didn't think much on it. We all went to a club. And so he was all over this girl in front of me. Dancing dirty with her, kissing her. I don't think he was doing this deliberately to hurt me. I don't think he was aware that I did have feelings for him. So I tapped him on the shoulder and calmly asked him to go out to his car so that i can pick up my jacket because i was leaving.

 

We are out in the parking lot. He asked me if there was anything wrong. I basically said that he wasn't straight with me. He said ... how so? I said that the fact that he wasn't looking for a serious relationship. He should have said that we're incompatible. He said, that he isn't looking for one ... anyhow, I got a taxi and said to him that I wasn't mad, I just can't see that right now.

 

When I got home, I left him vmail on his cell. I stated that I didn't think he did anything wrong. I wasn't prepared to see that. I wasn't comfortable and wasn't enjoying myself, so I had to leave. I called him the next day to ensure everything was okay. He understood.

 

So on the Sunday, we had to hang out together because we were on the social committee at our condo for a casino trip. We hung out together all day. I think he wanted to smooth things over.

 

I know I have no choice but to let him go... I am just having a hard time. Despite everything, I really liked this guy. I really felt there was great potential. I still think him decent.

 

So what am I to do? I still think about him a lot. I still feel miserable. I can't seem to accept this even after one brief month! I can't seem to function. It seems to affect everything I do. My ego is really hurt.

 

Need some advice ... some guidance!

 

helll

[Scout]

Is it that you like the guy so much, or do you just feel really rejected? What did you think was going to happen when a guy tells you immediately there is no chance for a relationship? He played square with you, and I think you handled everything very well, with a minor lapse here and there. Just next time a guy says that right off the bat, don't sleep with him if you think you're going to want more from him. Think of this as a lesson learned...you're ultimately not comfortable with casual flings. And you can't change another person's feelings if they state right away where things stand.

 

You'll be ok...your ego just took a little hit, that's all. Try to do some things for yourself to boost it back up...get a wild, fun new hairstyle, do something you've never done before, like take dance lessons, or learn how to play an instrument or...anything you've never done before. Put the focus back on yourself, not on this guy.

[gemmy]

hi~

 

I know this hurts, but right now there is nothing you can do. You should be happy, however, that things are on good terms and that you ended it amicably. Most of us should be so lucky. That is a good start. So, he's not ready for a commitment. But who's to say later on, maybe he will be. Bottom line, don't wait around for this guy. He's obviously still enjoying being a bachelor. But don't be angry at him either. Let him live his life, and DO NOT stop living yours. Hang out once in awhile if you can handle it, but DO NOT ask for more. If he comes around and is ready, think about getting back together, but do not leap at the chance of it. U don't want to look desperate, that will only chase him away. I'm telling you, looking like you need him will only scare him off. Play it cool, even if you are miserable inside, eventually that front you display will become real. You will be okay, you will get on with your life. Please don't stop breathing b/c of some guy you dated for a month. It must have been a good month with him, so be thankful for that and end it there. Here is what you should do:

 

Treat yourself tonight. Go to the store and get some bubble bath and candles, and take a relaxing bath in the tub. Then put in your favorite movie and cry if you have to. Then go to sleep, but not before you say a little prayer for yourself. Then tomorrow, start the next day, knowing it may be a challenge, but that you will get through it.