What is the Secret to a happy relationship?

[mandyc]

My boyfriend and I recently broke up (only for a few days) and got back together. We were being stubborn and it had nothing to do with a lack of love for each other. He is the one I love and the one I want to grow old with. But the breaking up/ getting back together had me thinking a lot about us and our relationship and the successful relationships of others. I feel like divorce and break ups are so common now a days. It really scares me.

 

So my question is this: It there any secret formula for a strong and long lasting relationship? I think all areas are important, trust, communication, friendship, an active sex life. What is it that make some couples last and causes others to throw in the towel? What areas do you think matter most?

 

I really want to make it work with him, but we fight so much sometimes. I find it hard to let go and forgive right away. I don't want to be like that anymore. I want to be that old couple who dances in the kitchen after being married for 50+ years. Do you think it is possible to stay madly in love with someone for years on end? Or does it turn into a platonic love? How do you keep the spark alive?

 

Anyone here who has been in a relationship or married for many years? Share your secret to a happy marriage/ long term relationship.

[Cognitive_Canine]

link removed

 

Long read but good read.

[mandyc]

thanks for the article, I will definatley read it. I've only skimmed through the first couple pages, but I really like this: Commitment means stick-to-it-iveness. People want to keep going when things get tough. Not easy quitters. Stubborn is a good word - stubborn for the intimacy and passion. I think reliable is another good word for commitment.

 

I like thinking that I can redirect my stubborness in a positive way!

[CaptainNapalm]

Balance and realistic state of mind are in my opinion the most over looked yet most critical aspects for a relationship to survive long term. Too many people these days become overly consumed by relationships and don't incorporate balance into them thus like a tornado the relationship will come, fire up a heart storm and deteriorate into nothingness soon after. In my opinion it's the relationships that take proper time and patience to evolve and ones in which people still maintain their identities that survive long term.

[petite]

I don't think there is a particular secret to a great relationship, what works for one couple might not work for another.

For me it would be that we get along well and handle our issues together, have great communication and even when we don't agree on a particular thing agree to disagree with mutual respect. We are after all two different people and just because we're together, doesn't mean we have to live in each others pockets and think completely as the other person does. Lack of communication is the number one reason even good relationships fail. Healthy balance and overall similar if not same opinions on what a happy life should be together. You have to have similar goals in life.

Trust is extremely important but I also think that putting your partner above everyone else is extremely important also. I'm not saying to push everyone else out of your life, but I think your significant other should be top priority, unless kids are involved.

 

Realize that no one is perfect and neither is your partner. Long-term relationships have ups and downs, and expecting it will be all sunny and roses all the time is unrealistic. Address problems and misunderstandings immediately, the sooner you resolve your issues the better for all. No relationship is ever perfect and like everything else in life we have to work at it.

 

Spending time apart is an important component of a happy relationship. It is healthy to have some separate interests and activities and to come back to the relationship refreshed and ready to share your experiences. Missing your partner helps remind you how important they really are to you.

 

Don't hold grudges and do forgive. go to bed together regardless of how angry you are. I remember my parents always would say "regardless of the problems you might have, never sleep in separate rooms after a fight". It works for them and they have been married over 30 years..

There is nothing better than having that feeling inside when you know "that person is just right for you".

 

Express your feelings towards each other and actually mean what you say. You don't have to tell somebody you love them 10 times a day. If you mean it that one time and they truly feel it, that's all they need. Compliment your partner and flirt as you did in the beginning. Show interest and affection. Be there for each other through everything and appreciate the time you spend together.

[sidehop]

Some people may not like Dr. Phil but he once said good "relationship is a full time job." And I agree with many posts above. It takes time and patience as well as two people working together daily while finding the balance and know when to sacrifice.

 

It's good to hear and learn from other successful couples that have been happy together for many years. And they do work hard at it. In that sense I don't think there's a secret. Like many things in life you just have to learn as much as you can to find what works as a couple.

[Capricorn3]

So my question is this: It there any secret formula for a strong and long lasting relationship?

 

Anyone here who has been in a relationship or married for many years? Share your secret to a happy marriage/ long term relationship.

You won't believe this, but for us it has been as easy and as simple as one word: RESPECT. Our entire marriage is based on mutual respect and when you have that, everything else follows. With lack of mutual respect, everything will eventually crumble and fall apart. Without respect, you have nothing (imo).

[absinthe]

IMO, long-term relationships require:

• Compatibility of core values and goals.
  
• That the two of you speak and understand the same languages of love.
  
• Respect
  
• Trust
  
• Communication
  
• Love
  
• Friendship
  
• Intellectual, emotional and physical chemistry
  
• Consistency
  

 

To expand on languages of love, also, what is love to you? How were the two of you raised? I'm not talking solely about socio-economic conditions, although this can have impact as well. I'm talking about family dynamics, role models and relationship models.

[Hermes]

Exactly, Captain Napalm.

And as another poster said: it is hard work.

And you have to be accommodating of the other person, and have a big SENSE of humour. Arguing is a plain waste of time, and energy. And it takes two to argue. If you simply do not step into the ring there will be no argument.

 

All the ebst

Hermes

[Taikero]

Trust

Communication

Respect

 

 

Those three are the base for any lasting relationship. That includes your SO, friends, and even family. Without an appropriate level of those three ANY relationship will fall apart over time.

 

petite's post is exceptionally excellent at going into detail on some finer points, in my opinion.

[fLuiD]

Comunication and an ability to compensate for what your partner lacks. If your partner is a hot head, then you need to be the rational one. If you are too quiet and too reserved, your partner needs to be outgoing and more vocal. So I guess this would be balance. Balance and communication. Definitely key!

[medtec]

communication, forgivess, consideration, acceptance(good and bad in your partner), finding happiness in your life that has nothing to do with your partner(don't revolve your lives around each other), and joking around, having fun, and fiancial stability. those are things that seem to be working for us.

[Hermes]

That sums it up very nicely, Medtec. In particular the bit about not revolving your lives around each other). I could add not being dependent on the other person for your happiness.

 

All the best

Hermes

[PSYCHOLOGY]

Marriage is easy, we make it difficult

[rosy2000]

I think that a relationship should have; understanding, respect, honesty, and love as main ingredients. If you don't have those, you can't really expect it to work...because you couldn't create harmony.