Is this normal

[bluen]

I am 4.5 months past getting dumped and I have been progressively worse as time has gone on. I am numb all the time, life has lost its purpose and if anything, the break up made me realize that I never really liked myself to begin with/ I have a lot of issues to deal with. The pain has been the greatest thing i've ever felt and I don't know how to fight it.

[Lifes4Living]

You might be in depression, and thats a dark place to be in... seek professional help

[AFriendInNeed]

Yes, it's normal. What's not normal is to stay in this place for an extended period of time. Everybody heals at a different rate. You need to focus on self improvement and keeping busy. It's hard. But sometimes that's all there is.

 

Also, start a journal and write in it everyday.

 

And have faith in the way things are.

Life is beautiful. Be happy.

 

You can do it. I don't know you, but I love you.

Be strong.

 

[itsallgrand]

Break ups can do that, and especially if there were issues that were sitting there waiting for you for a long time - can bring that to the surface.

 

That's normal if that is what you are looking at.

 

All that matters is how you deal with what you got. If you are depressed and stuck now, admit it. Then you can deal with it. If you need help, admit it. Then you can ask for it and start to find it. If you don't like yourself and never have, admit that too and start to look for solutions for it.

 

I personally went to the darkest place psychologically in my life after a break up that hit particularly hard. It forced me to finally hit a bottom. That could have been the end of it but I finally decided to fight - - to solve the problems that had been haunting me for years, to better myself and the things that had me feeling badly about myself (but I didn't want to admit for so long) - - so many things.

It could have meant years in total depression and a downward spiral, and it wasn't all easy or nice BUT I now feel more like myself and more confident than I ever did before.

 

So you just have to decide where you want to go from here and that is easier if you don't worry too much about 'normal' but just look at what it is that is acceptable to you as your life and what you are willing to settle for - or strive to achieve.

 

good luck, feel better.

[In the Dark]

Sometimes what happens is we are actually believing they will change and be back to normal.

 

As time goes on we wait.....and wait.....and wait....only to find there is nothing .

 

They have moved on, sleeping and having sex with someone else.

Smiling with someone else, letting them forget ALLL about you with a big smile on their face.

 

Each day....hope.....slipping away and the truth sinks in.

 

They are indeed laughing and smiling, having sex with this new man/woman in their life.

 

You are nothing.

 

Waiting and not getting any of the wanted calls, etc brings on the sinking feeling.

 

In my case I ended just living with it.

Nearly took my life though.

[Anon333]

in the dark...that is so depressing....but i guess it is true..Im just beginning to realize my ex is much happier without me and doesnt regret the breakup. I saw photos of them and he looked happier than id seen him in a long time...it broke my heart all over again and i have to start from scratch, but at least now i dont have the false hope he will come around any time soon...The only thing I think of is that some day that relationship wont be all rainbows and puppy dogs...If it is than it was truly right, but most relationships arent...Anyway, im missing the point...Yeah I hope some day he will think of me, but right now, and not any time in the future will he be back, and there is no purpose in waiting or having hope he will...He is happy with someone else and I need to face it and work on maing myself happy....I need to accept he is not a part of my life anymore....That realization today, and probably for the next few months is so so painful, but it is what I need so I can heal within the next few months, and not be waiting and hoping in that time...I need to look toward making my life what I want it to be..Its been a long time coming...

 

Bluen, I have had severe depression from other break ups as well...Where I couldnt look people in the eye because I felt so disconnected from people...Break ups make you feel inhuman sometimes...The one connection you had with another being, that you shared with them...was ripped apart..It makes you lose your ground, and lose who you are and your worth. This is how a break up can turn into real depression. It is one thing to miss the ex and feel like death and not eat or sleep and feel like you lost something irreplaceable, but it is another story if you end up with such low self worth where every day is a struggle to live....That is depression...Especially if it is getting worse..I suggest you seek therapy. It really was the only thing I could do for myself at the time.....I am thinking i need it again right now. If you havwe health insurance they may cover some of it...I have been where you are and it will get better, even if time seems to have stopped and the pain is unbareable....

[In the Dark]

Anon33

 

We all have to come to take the truth as it is.

The real World is not going to be better just because you can't see it.

 

Just like someone who has passed away.

 

We have to eventually admit they are gone.

 

Once that finally hits.....it's can leave you at a cross roads.

Jump of the cliff to avoid living with the scars which have been given to you.

Or carry on, with the scars if there is something worth living for or if, the cliff is some thing you can not jump off for whatever reasons.

[mgirl]

I personally went to the darkest place psychologically in my life after a break up that hit particularly hard. It forced me to finally hit a bottom. That could have been the end of it but I finally decided to fight - - to solve the problems that had been haunting me for years, to better myself and the things that had me feeling badly about myself (but I didn't want to admit for so long) - - so many things.

 

The funny thing is, people say that, but they don't tell you how to do it. I've got the cake, but not the recipe (metaphor).

[itsallgrand]

The funny thing is, people say that, but they don't tell you how to do it. I've got the cake, but not the recipe (metaphor).

 

That's true. And it used to bug the crap out of me, and now I'm doing it. ugh.

 

Maybe bc it's a tough one to answer. I could probably only tell half of what I actually have did and do to get through it and not have wanted to throw myself off a bridge.

 

I guess the best way to describe it is that it comes to a point where you gotta decide, or the choice is forced on you to decide, to either go one way or the other. One way is a new life and you will have to change like it or not but you have to accept change and even yearn for it. The other way is to be miserable and maybe even a lot more, see yourself go down the rabbit hole to a place you really don't ever want to be even in your most depressed and apathetic moments.

 

You get there and you choose to change, things do start to change because you start doing something differently.

 

It's sort of how In the Dark was saying, giving up in a way......but it doesn't have to be a negative thing, though it'll probably feel that way for a while. Give up and start again.

 

Honestly though, I think other people helped me to keep my sanity. Connecting with people somehow and not losing sight of reality, that's a big one, the perspective during a really hard time like that. The perspective not just that you are important and people care, and that you are on an even plane with everyone no matter what is happening or what you ever do, but too that other people are just as involved in their own things too and just trying to find a way through themselves.

 

I'm really starting to think you/me/people can't get an answer from anyone else - really for anything - it's all about making the choices oneself no matter what the stake and what the situation, but the really big ones like defining who you are and relationships and what is ok and not for your life? ...like that stuff, even the most kind intentioned answer is gonna hit it because it has to be your own, good or bad, or it just doesn't mean as much.

 

I apologize if it ain't helpful. Wanted to answer you though bc I understand it can be frustrating.

[mgirl]

Whilst your whole post was good (thank you!), this particularly stands out.

 

Thanks I think it is all about change, that strikes a chord with me.