triguy Posted March 21, 2010 Share Posted March 21, 2010 About 4 months ago, my girlfriend and I broke up because she wasnt ready for a serious relationship (she dumped me and we had been together about 6 months) and I went NC and really never saw her. Well, a few weeks ago I ran into her at work, we talked for a little while and she wanted to hang out. I shrugged it off, told her maybe and let it go. So this past week I see her again, and again she wants to hang out. I told her to give me a call and maybe we can. She calls me a few days ago and I give in and we spend the afternoon together, just hanging out, talking about whats been going on - like things had never changed, was just real easy to get along with her. Well, since then she has texted me everyday and she plans to call me tonight to come over for a bit. I have to say im a little confused as to what she wants, or even how to play this out. I dont know if I should ask her point blank what she wants or just let it continue to see what happens... Any advice? Link to comment
DN Posted March 21, 2010 Share Posted March 21, 2010 I would point blank ask her and if what she wants doesn't work for you then go back to no contact. Link to comment
RunCheetahRun Posted March 21, 2010 Share Posted March 21, 2010 You could play it safe and not "rock the boat" by bringing anything up, but I think that if you don't ask her what she wants then you'll just be feeling confused (as you feel now) after you meet up and until she decides to tell you whats up. How long has this contact/texting been going on? I wouldn't point blank ask someone whats up after a week or so, but after a couple of weeks I wouldn't want to let things slide on as if the last 6 months never happened. Link to comment
dre760 Posted March 21, 2010 Share Posted March 21, 2010 First off you need to ask yourself what you want. Do you want to get back together? Or do you just want to be friends? Or maybe you don't know what you want? If u want to get back together with her then just play it cool and let her take all the steps back to you. If you only want to be friends with her then still play it cool but make sure you let her know so you are not leading her on. If you don't know what you want then play it cool and see where things take you. Link to comment
jezebel280 Posted March 21, 2010 Share Posted March 21, 2010 By the looks of it, she wants a relationship. Keep hanging around with her if you are interested or stop. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted March 21, 2010 Share Posted March 21, 2010 By the looks of it, she wants a relationship. Keep hanging around with her if you are interested or stop. I don't know if wanting to hang out with him means she wants a relationship. First, decide if you want to be with her. Second, ask her point blank what she wants. Third, decide how you are going to respond to whatever she says. If she says yes, then that's a great outcome if you want her back. If she says no OR "i don't know", then it's time to move on. Link to comment
Lastchallenge Posted March 21, 2010 Share Posted March 21, 2010 Nevermind they beat me to the question... Great advice everyone Link to comment
learning2relax Posted March 21, 2010 Share Posted March 21, 2010 My advice is to try and look at the initial contacts as the courting stage again as if it was a new relationship. If this was someone brand new in your life that you were interested in and hanging out with, you wouldn't necessarily press them for a relationship right up front. Try and look at this as a fresh start. If you feel the need to broach the subject of what broke you up the first time, wait to do so until you know you are on firm footing. NC is a place for you to heal, for her to heal and a place where you can possibly "reset." If you truly want to reset and start over - something you are each evaluating when hanging out just was you would if this was someone completely new in your life, don't press with issues of the past. You will both set yourselves back to a place that things didn't work out before having had the chance to reevaluate and decide that you want to move forward. Wait until you have built some new good memories before heading back to rehashing the old. I would also suggest that you do so once you have forgiven for the past so that the conversation is one of learning and understanding and not one of looking for apologies. Forgiveness is way more powerful to give then an apology is received. Link to comment
triguy Posted March 21, 2010 Author Share Posted March 21, 2010 Well what do u want? Do I want to give it another shot? Sure, when I'm with her or just talking to her I'm happy, we enjoy doing a lot of the same things and I had really considered her at one point to be something long term. Do I want to get hurt again? Thats a different question... I guess the best thing for me to do would be to play it cool and see how things progress. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted March 21, 2010 Share Posted March 21, 2010 I guess the best thing for me to do would be to play it cool and see how things progress. It sounds like you don't particularly mind just hanging out with her for a while and wouldn't mind being friends if nothing happened. Of course, you'd like to get back, but it sounds like you are ok if you don't. If that's the case, and you won't feel frustrated, then hanging out isn't a bad deal. At least she's another friend. Link to comment
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