What kind of Mom are you / were you / are you going to be?

[Shortpants]

Just thought I'd start a thread for new Mommies of things I wish I had known about / thought about before I had my little one. It's tough getting ready for the arrival of a new little one without worrying about missing something. Or being blindsided by a situation/issue/question that you hadn't even thought about yet. Here's the biggies I came up with:

 

- Midwife vs. Doctor vs. at home birth

 

- Birthing plan

 

- Who was in the delivery room with you?

 

- Inducing labor vs. natural labor - and with this: natural birth vs. c-section

 

- Post-delivery bonding time with the new family

 

- Post-birth recovery time

 

- Breastfeeding vs. formula feeding

 

- Attachment parenting (go here: link removed for a definition)

 

- If you bottle fed, what bottles worked best for you and baby?

 

- Daycare / working mom vs. stay at home mom

 

- What was the one baby item you couldn't live without?

 

- What was the biggest waste of money item you got?

 

- Standard vaccinations vs. delayed vacs vs. no vacs

 

- CIO vs. non-CIO vs. Ferber method or something similar (CIO=Cry it Out)

 

- When did you start your baby on solids? And how?

 

- Cloth diapering vs. disposables

 

- Circumcision vs. uncirced

 

- Co-sleeping vs. bassinet vs. crib

 

- Carseat info / travelling with baby

 

- PPD (post partum depression)

 

Hmmmm, I thought of a few more last night when I was thinking about posting this, but they have fallen out my ear at the moment. Ah well, that's what Mommy Brain is all about! LOL

 

ANYWAYS, please fill in your details if you'd like, or add things I have missed. I just know it helped me to read what others did, and why, before making my own decisions on how I was going to raise Littlepants.

 

Have at it Mommies!

[Sanesoul]

- What was the one baby item you couldn't live without?

 

I tell every pregnant woman to get a rolling basinette. It was the most wonderful thing in the world for me.

 

As for the rest, mine is almost 8 now, and I'd have to dig deep to remember everything.

[Batya33]

Biggest waste of money item was my medela breast pump. Used it for less than 10 days, discovered that my milk supply was very low, then had a post-birth medical complication which precluded me from breastfeeding. Tried to sell it, haven;t been able to.

 

Couldn't live without my glider chair.

[doityourself]

Midwife vs. Doctor vs. at home birth

 

Hospital birth, was always scared something would go wrong, and had to have c-sections with both of my boys

 

- Birthing plan

To me this was the most wasteful time I spent learning how to breathe, I did push for 5 hours on first pregnancy and no breathing techniques helped

 

- Who was in the delivery room with you?

Only my husband, thought it was always weird how people wanted so many people in delivery room, you will be spread eagle. My cousin had 11 people in her room.

 

- Inducing labor vs. natural labor - and with this: natural birth vs. c-section

 

what labor I did have, I give a thumbs up to women that have natural, had to have c sections with both

 

- Post-delivery bonding time with the new family

Everyone will be knocking and coming by, youll be so tired take all the help you can get at first

 

- Post-birth recovery time

C-section, I was out of bed withing first couple days took me about 2 weeks to feel "normal"

 

- Breastfeeding vs. formula feeding

Formula, but I hear women say its so easy and convenient to breast feed

 

- Attachment parenting (go here: link removed for a definition)

 

- If you bottle fed, what bottles worked best for you and baby?

This was so funny, because I went out and bought the most expensive and new brand I could get and my son wouldnt take to them. He only would take the cheapest ones.

 

- Daycare / working mom vs. stay at home mom

 

First son, I stayed home, had lots of fun.

Second son, babysitter, He picks up alot on the babysitters personalities

 

- What was the one baby item you couldn't live without?

Swing, loved the swing

 

- What was the biggest waste of money item you got?

clothes, you buy so much for your first child and they dont use half of what you buy

 

- Standard vaccinations vs. delayed vacs vs. no vacs

vaccines, My opin you cant protect enough

 

- CIO vs. non-CIO vs. Ferber method or something similar (CIO=Cry it Out)

Def cry it out

 

- When did you start your baby on solids? And how?

My first was 3 months but he was born at 10 lbs, I started my second one normal ages, and I tried cereal first mixing it with formula or fruit

 

- Cloth diapering vs. disposables

Disposables, 8-10 poop diaper changes a day

 

- Circumcision vs. uncirced

circumcision, my husbands brother had to have it done at age 12, because he didnt clean it well enough.

 

- Co-sleeping vs. bassinet vs. crib

Co sleeping is the worst thing you can start, for your own sanity start separate sleeping from day one.

 

- Carseat info / travelling with baby

You can go to your local police station and an officer will see if you have installed your car seat the correct way, always have stroller in car

 

- PPD (post partum depression)

didnt experience this

 

 

My best buy was the swing, both of my boys wanted to be in the swing all day.The worst thing I did was buy everything that I "thought" I needed and didnt.

 

Congradulations and welcome to motherhood.

[Shortpants]

Dang it! I had all my answers typed out, took a phone call and timed out and got logged off.

 

Here's me:

 

- Midwife vs. Doctor vs. at home birth

We did midwife, but were very lucky that the birthing center was at the hospital, so if anything went screwy, we would be there at the hospital.

 

- Birthing plan

I freaked out about this, but then realized I really had no plan other than trying natural and seeing where we went from there. Ended up with a c-sec anyways.

 

- Who was in the delivery room with you?

Hubby and mother in law. Hubby didn't want to be there, but I told him it was NOT OPTIONAL!! Also told him I didn't want MIL there lookign at my naughty bits and all, but once I was in labor, the whole New England Patriots football team coudl have been there and I wouldn't have cared.

 

- Inducing labor vs. natural labor - and with this: natural birth vs. c-section

I was induced at 41 weeks. In labor for 12 hours and both me and baby were in distress, Littlepants had passed her merconium inside me and had inhaled it. Ended up with a c-sec, but I labored for 12 hours with no pain killers.

 

- Post-delivery bonding time with the new family

This was a given at the birthing center we were at and I loved it! They required minimum one hour with just mom, dad and baby. AND the nurses volunteered to kick anyone out and be the bad guys when we wanted privacy.

 

- Post-birth recovery time

I had Littlepants on a Wednesday at 1:11, we checked out the following Saturday afternoon. I was back to pretty much normal as soon as the staples from the c-sec came out.

 

- Breastfeeding vs. formula feeding

I breastfed exclusively for the first 8 or 9 weeks, but when I had to go back to work we had to combine feed with formula because I really couldn't pump much. She self-weaned off BF between 11 and 12 months. Good thing cuz the little bugger was biting me!

 

- Attachment parenting (go here: link removed for a definition)

I adopted most of these philosophies before I really knew it WAS a philosophy.

 

- If you bottle fed, what bottles worked best for you and baby?

We used Playtex drop ins, and still do

 

- Daycare / working mom vs. stay at home mom

I worked part time for a little less than a year after coming back from maternity leave, and am back full time now. I would love to be a SAHM and not feel so sad dropping her off every day.

 

- What was the one baby item you couldn't live without?

My carrier. I tried lots but liked the el cheapo Snugglie from Walmart best.

 

- What was the biggest waste of money item you got?

I didn't get one, but I always thought the wipes warmers were just silly

 

- Standard vaccinations vs. delayed vacs vs. no vacs

I've done standard vacs, the risks of the diseases worried me more than the risks with the vacs

 

- CIO vs. non-CIO vs. Ferber method or something similar (CIO=Cry it Out)

I am non-CIO, but don't get preachy about it. Whatever works for you and your kid.

 

- When did you start your baby on solids? And how?

We started between 7 and 8 mos with rice cereal, then we went to stage 1 veggies and fruits.

 

- Cloth diapering vs. disposables

We did disposables, couldn't find any daycare that would cloth diaper. So disposables it was!

 

- Circumcision vs. uncirced

We had a girl, but if we did have a boy, we were not going to circ. Dad isn't circed.

 

- Co-sleeping vs. bassinet vs. crib

I was dead set against co-sleeping and ended up doing it anyways. When breastfeeding it made my life alot easier, just flop out a boob and doze off while she was nursing. She is 18 months and still in our bed. I don't mind it at all, unless she kicks me in the face!

 

- Carseat info / travelling with baby

She was rear-facing until 35 pounds (her seat's limit). I watched a video on YouTube about Extended Rear Facing and internal decapitation, and I decided to keep her rear facing as long as I could.

 

- PPD (post partum depression)

Didn't have this, but did have to figure out that it was ok to cry when your baby cries, it's ok to ask for help, and it doesn't make you a bad mommy to walk away and take a breather when you need it.

 

Ask me anything if you want more info, I'm not shy!!

[Shortpants]

oh yeah, I remember one I thought of last night...

 

The biggest question in my birthing class from the women:

 

- Did you vomit or poo during labor?

Yes and yes. (told you I'd answer anything!) The cervadil they gave me to induce me made me really sick and I ralphed like 3 times as soon as we got to the birthing center. Later, after spending 5 hours in the birthing tub (boy was I pruny!), they wanted me to try pushing on the birthing stool, and yes... a little poo sneaked out. They see it all the time and just swooped it away before anyone knew it happened.

 

Have fun with your upcoming labor!!

[hahaha1021]

Usually first child has to be born at the hospital. I would love a water birth.

Never had a birthing plan

My best friend and boyfriend were in the room.

Both my labors were induced (and its more painful) Both were natural births

I took 2 weeks off and went back to normal routine.

I breast fed both and loved the bond with the child

I was a working mom so i had both my children in day cares at an early age.

Biggest waste of money waS the crib cuz my son never used it.

My babies were always up on their vaccinations

I started my kids on jar baby foods at 4 months.

I circumsized my son wouldnt go any other way

I had really bad PPD with my son. Friends and fam really helped.

[Seraphim]

..........

[Batya33]

When I saw your list the first thing I thought was that it's difficult - impossible? - to get a picture of what kind of mom a woman is by making a list as you did - by trying to categorize and label. Sure, it's interesting to see the answers but I don't think it gives the ultimate answers of what "kind" of mom a woman is.

 

For example, someone who is into "attachment parenting" can be the same exact kind of mom in spirit as someone who is very into the Ferber method, as someone who's never heard of either attachment parenting or Ferber. I think it's much more of a gray area and defies lists/categorizations - spend a half hour with a mom and her child and you will know in your gut, in your bones what "kind" of mom she is (um, unless the mom or child is having a particularly bad day, or they've just spent a long morning at the doctor's, or.... well you know).

 

I did want to add that I am not a fan of letting children cry either but I was a fan of letting my child learn how to self-soothe to sleep after he was over 6 months of age and if that meant some crying for short periods of time when I knew he was tired, changed, fed, comfortable, I was ok with that and still am. It worked well for him because he is a great sleeper the vast majority of the time and to me enough sleep is just as important as enough food (and our pediatrician agrees). I didn't follow Ferber religiously - I followed my baby's needs first and foremost, but I found books that helped with the sleep issues and included letting the baby learn to self-soothe, very helpful.

[Seraphim]

My biggest statement in parenting is " Know your baby/child." Your child is often the best director of how they need to be treated. Every child needs to be parented according to their own needs.

[Batya33]

My biggest statement in parenting is " Know your baby/child." Your child is often the best director of how they need to be treated. Every child needs to be parented according to their own needs.

 

I also liked this recent advice from Dr. Phil to a new mom - he said to try to control the anxiety about all the remote "what ifs" and the irrational fears, because focusing too much on those might distract you from noticing true safety concerns with your baby.

[Shortpants]

I probably should have picked a better title, but it was all that came to mind at the time.

 

I'm not trying to catagorize or label, I just found it interesting to see other's choices when I was deciding what I was going to do with my own child. This is not meant to be a "contest" or anything, I just thought it would be helpful to some of the new moms to see what some of us others had done and chosen.

[Batya33]

I probably should have picked a better title, but it was all that came to mind at the time.

 

I'm not trying to catagorize or label, I just found it interesting to see other's choices when I was deciding what I was going to do with my own child. This is not meant to be a "contest" or anything, I just thought it would be helpful to some of the new moms to see what some of us others had done and chosen.

 

I totally agree - I was just commenting that it doesn't really answer, for me, what "kind" of mom someone is. It can be helpful and insightful to see others' choices in child rearing/parenting. I did have a problem with the "attachment parenting" category because my guess is most parents fall somewhere in between that category and "Ferber" type categories, whether they've ever heard of those terms or not -- like Victoria wrote, they know their child and act accordingly so hour to hour - even minute to minute - I might make different decisions about how to respond to my child, all with my personal goal of providing consistency.

 

That might sound "inconsistent' but what I mean is that if you rigidly respond in one way to crying, or to the way a child interacts, you might be missing opportunities to have the child learn, to have the child feel comforted faster, to be a role model, etc etc. One size fits all doesn't always create consistency in my opinion.

[BellaDonna]

- Midwife vs. Doctor vs. at home birth - I used an Ob-Gyn. It was very important to me that the doc be female, already have children of her own, and also be open to elective c-section for her patients. So that is how I narrowed my search.

 

- Birthing plan I outlined a plan which indicated certain preferences while I was in the hopsital but since I had a c-section it was pretty standard

 

- Who was in the delivery room with you? My husband only. I did not want anyone else.

 

- Inducing labor vs. natural labor - and with this: natural birth vs. c-section I had an planned c-section

 

- Post-delivery bonding time with the new family I had my son with me the entire time - except overnight- I would send him to the hospital nursery so I could sleep and recover.

 

- Post-birth recovery time I healed very well and rather quickly. I was walking the night after my surgery and doing most things within a week after coming home.

 

- Breastfeeding vs. formula feeding I chose to forumla feed

 

- Attachment parenting (go here: link removed for a definition) I wouldn't classify myself as having one set parenting-style. I borrow from different methods and I am more felixible with some things than others. I do believe that you should never wake a sleeping baby and that young children need structure and predicatable schedules. I will never plan anything that compromises my son's bedtime or naptime. He has shown me that he needs those things. He really counts on his little schedule.

 

- If you bottle fed, what bottles worked best for you and baby? I used Dr. Brown's glass bottles. My son had severe acid reflux for his first 6 months and they really helped reduce the symptoms.

 

- Daycare / working mom vs. stay at home mom I am a full-time working mom with a felixble employer. I manage to stay home 2 weekdays each week. My family watches my son on the days I am at work.

 

- What was the one baby item you couldn't live without? Colic Ease Gripe Water- It is a great natural rememdy for baby gas, hiccups, and reflux

 

- What was the biggest waste of money item you got? An expensive cradle. My son never slept in it. He barely slept AT ALL actually. He spent the better part of 6 months on my shoulder as I paced the room trying to soothe him, or he'd sleep for short periods in his carseat and swing. By the time he actually starting sleeping in any reliable manner, he was too big for the cradle- and went into his crib.

 

- Standard vaccinations vs. delayed vacs vs. no vacs I use an altternate vaccination schedule. His first vaccine was at age 2 and I am spacing them out.

 

- CIO vs. non-CIO vs. Ferber method or something similar (CIO=Cry it Out) I never could use CIO. My son was a tricky case because he basically screamed the first 6 months of his life. He was very uncomfortable and very needy and could not be left alone. Letting him cry alone never felt right to me.

 

- When did you start your baby on solids? And how? Because he had reflux he saw a GI specialist and they actually had me thicken his feedings with oatmeal as early as a month old. It was the only way that he could keep his feedings down. At 4 months he started pears, and then more fruits and veggies by 6 months.

 

- Cloth diapering vs. disposables Disposables

 

- Circumcision vs. uncirced I let my husband decide and he chose circumcision

 

- Co-sleeping vs. bassinet vs. crib Crib- he slept in a contraption called the Tucker Wedge- which went inside of his crib. It helped with digestion.

 

- Carseat info / travelling with baby My son hated the carseat for quite some time when he had reflux. I hated travelling with him rear-facing because the carseat forced him to lay back, and I could not see if he was spitting up. Once he was a year-old and could face forward, we both enjoyed the car much more and went more places.

 

- PPD (post partum depression) I had it for about a year. It all started with getting too many visitors in the hospital, an unexpected run-in with Bell's Palsy, and an infant that screamed for 6 months straight- which meant extended severe sleep deprivation. I had a 6 month maternity leave which was too long, and socially isolating- I also didn't have much help at that time.. It took a while for me to figure out what was going on (depression), but once I did -I got on meds (Lexapro) and sought out cognitive behavioral therapy and was fine after that. (no meds or therapy today)

[Hope75]

- Midwife vs. Doctor vs. at home birth I was followed by both a midwife and a team of OBs. However I had pre-eclampsia and was induced 3 weeks early so I had the OB's and a hospital birth with just about every intervention you could imagine (and not want.)

 

- Birthing plan I wanted a natural birth at the hospital where I could be attended to in the event of an emergency. I wanted to walk to strengthen contractions, and use the tub for pain relief, but wasn't able to get out of bed at all once I was admitted at 36 weeks and 5 days because of my blood pressure being so high and the risk of seizures and stroke because of it.

- Who was in the delivery room with you? My husband, the doctor's some nurses, a student nurse, the anesthesiologist... etc.

 

- Inducing labor vs. natural labor - and with this: natural birth vs. c-section Crash c-section after 26 hours into induced labor. The cord was around her neck 3 times and her heart rate dropped and didn't come back up.

- Post-delivery bonding time with the new family I held her and had skin to skin contact within an hour of delivery once we were in the recovery room. However, I was vomiting off the anesthesia so only got a little time with her initially.

 

- Post-birth recovery time A good 2 1/2 weeks. I felt like I had been hit by a semi. I remember boarding at the hospital days 5-10 while my daughter was in the NICU and hauling my aching body to the NICU every 2 hours to nurse and then pumping for 3 minutes after that.... ugh that was a bad time.

 

- Breastfeeding vs. formula feeding I breast fed for the first month. I would have liked to have done it for longer but I had so many complications. My milk didn't come in for 5 days, my baby was early and small and weak, and jaundiced which made her sleepy and unable to nurse well. She ended up in the NICU in an incubator on day 4 because her weight dropped and her blood sugars dropped and her body temperature dropped and being only 5lb 10oz a birth she just didn't have the reserves to lose that weight and be OK. On top of that I have Raynaud's which causes painful vasospasm of the nipples, we also had thrush and I had hematomas on both nipples... it was agonizing, but I struggled with it as long as I could because I wanted to give her the best I could. After a month we formula fed. That was not how I wanted things to go at all and I was heartsick over it.

 

- Attachment parenting (go here: link removed for a definition) I don't follow any formula, not 'attachment' or 'traditional'. I use a mixture of both disciplines, whatever works for my baby and I. We co-slept until 4.5 months (sleeping in the same room, not the same as 'bedsharing'), I breastfed for a month, I 'babywear' her at times, am not comfortable with CIO....

 

- If you bottle fed, what bottles worked best for you and baby? Dr. Browns vented.

- Daycare / working mom vs. stay at home mom I work part time on weekends and my husband watches her while I work, but I am home with her most days.

- What was the one baby item you couldn't live without? The gripe water was huge (thanks, BellaDonna! you saved us with that one!) and her bouncy seat, and the swing!

- What was the biggest waste of money item you got? Not sure... have to think about that.

- Standard vaccinations vs. delayed vacs vs. no vacs We follow the AAP recommended schedule. I've done my research and am comfortable with that.

 

- CIO vs. non-CIO vs. Ferber method or something similar (CIO=Cry it Out) No CIO. I'm just not comfortable with it.

- When did you start your baby on solids? And how? 4/5 months fruit, one meal a day until 6 months, than 2, now at almost 9 months 3.

- Cloth diapering vs. disposables cloth, and loving it!

 

- Circumcision vs. uncirced N/A but if we have a boy we won't be circ'ing.

- Co-sleeping vs. bassinet vs. crib see correct definitions, but we co-slept (same room) for 4.5 months and now she is in her nursery. Bed sharing is when they sleep in your bed.

 

- Carseat info / travelling with baby bucket for 5 months now convertible, Britax marathon.

- PPD (post partum depression) nope

 

Hmmmm, I thought of a few more last night when I was thinking about posting this, but they have fallen out my ear at the moment. Ah well, that's what Mommy Brain is all about! LOL

 

ANYWAYS, please fill in your details if you'd like, or add things I have missed. I just know it helped me to read what others did, and why, before making my own decisions on how I was going to raise Littlepants.

 

Have at it Mommies!

[Batya33]

I wanted to add that I think CIO is misnamed because the point is not to "cry it out" (whatever "it" is) but to have the baby learn how to self-soothe and get to sleep without being rocked or nursed or patted to sleep. Often it has felt as if he is "crying it out" and falls asleep because he is exhausted from crying, but when I have dared to peek in and see what's going on (we don't have a video monitor) - making sure he doesn't see me- what I see is that the crying subsides as he works on finding a good sleep position - he is not "crashing" to sleep from crying exhaustion. That might have happened at times - I dont' know - but that is certainly not my goal and from what I've seen that is not what the impact is on him.

 

I don't let him cry alone more than ten minutes at a time -most often he cries for far less than ten minutes or he cries for a few minutes and then whimpers/complains a little for up to ten-fifteen minutes. In general, he just talks/slightly whimpers, no crying and goes to sleep within 10-15 minutes or less of being put in his crib. After ten minutes I go in, pat him and talk to him, and then I come back a little more than ten minutes later. Usually I don't have to come back because within ten minutes after that, he falls asleep.

 

I rock him for about three minutes or so before putting him in his crib for a nap (or at night he has had a bottle for about 20 minutes before being put in his crib). Since he is 10 weeks old he's been sleeping through the night for the vast majority of nights (he is now a bit over a year) and if he cries during the nght it is for less than two minutes (and we don't go in to see). He slept in our room in his own crib until he was 6 months old. Naptime was a bit more challenging - that is when I did something similar to Ferber but I see how he has learned over the past 6 months how to soothe himself to sleep (he doesn't have blankets or toys in his crib, he simply finds a good position and spot in the crib and lays quietly or makes a few sounds until he falls asleep). I feel strongly that if I had gone to him every time he cried and taken him out of his crib he would not have learned this skill yet.

 

This might not work for anyone else but it worked great for all of us, maybe because he was already a good sleeper at night. (for naps I would follow the advice that if he has been crying for an hour despite my interventions, to end the nap, but I never had to do that because it never lasted that long).

 

When he wakes up most often he is happy and/or smiling and seems very well rested during the day.

[doityourself]

I forgot to say I couldnt live without "The First Year" book

 

Was really helpful on FAQ...

[thejigsup]

- Midwife vs. Doctor vs. at home birth: Had a doctor at first, replaced him at the end of a hard labor with a midwife. She was amazing! The pain went away completely and my son was born quickly after she took over. Get a midwife!

 

- Birthing plan: Didn't really have one. Lamaze did nothing, so that was stopped one hour into labor. Don't waste your time with the breathing thing.

 

- Who was in the delivery room with you? Me and the midwife.

 

- Inducing labor vs. natural labor - and with this: natural birth vs. c-section: Natural labor, no pain meds. Natural birth.

 

- Post-delivery bonding time with the new family: None. I was in recovery for two hours getting stitched up.

 

- Post-birth recovery time: I was back to normal mentally and emotionally within an hour of his birth. Physically, it took about a month for the stitches to heal. I didn't need to lose any weight. I had no stretch marks, weight gain, nothing. Flat as a pancake the next day (Don't hate me, I was too sick during my pregnancy to gain much weight, I lost two lbs. a week my last month)

 

- Breastfeeding vs. formula feeding: breastfed for a year and a half. The best part of motherhood in my opinion.

 

- Attachment parenting (go here: link removed for a definition)

 

- If you bottle fed, what bottles worked best for you and baby? Never bottle fed.

 

- Daycare / working mom vs. stay at home mom: I went back to work as soon as I could. I hate staying home!

 

- What was the one baby item you couldn't live without? Disposable diapers.

 

- What was the biggest waste of money item you got? Breast pump.

- Standard vaccinations vs. delayed vacs vs. no vacs: Standard vaccinations.

 

- CIO vs. non-CIO vs. Ferber method or something similar (CIO=Cry it Out) Depended on my mood and the situation.

 

- When did you start your baby on solids? And how? 5 months. Banana cereal and Gerber baby foods.

 

- Cloth diapering vs. disposables: DISPOSABLES ALL THE WAY!!!

 

- Circumcision vs. uncirced: Un. I couldn't bring myself to butcher my son. He's grown now and thanks me.

 

- Co-sleeping vs. bassinet vs. crib: All of the above. Again, depended on my mood and the situation.

 

- Carseat info / travelling with baby: Had all the proper car seats installed when told to do so. I took no chances with that. My son traveled with us for 4 days straight when he was 8-months-old. We were moving to Arkansas from California. He did fine.

 

- PPD (post partum depression): Nope, none of that.

[Batya33]

On a thread for new moms which seems like it's meant to be supportive I really wish people would think twice before posting about circumcision as if it is "butchering" and "I couldn't bring myself" - we had a very tough decision as to whether to do it and for our own personal reasons decided it would be the best. Thank goodness I didn't have anyone telling me it was "butchering" or "how could I bring myself to do that to my son" or the like. There were people who didn't believe in it or wouldn't do it but they were supportive during what was a fragile time for me as a brand new mom. I cannot stand when it is moms themselves who are the most judgmental about what other moms - especially new moms - do and don't do.

 

I was so scared, when I decided to stop breastfeeding after 10 days because it wasn't working and I had a serious medical condition that would have made it near impossible and potentially harmful to my child (because of meds I had to take), that I would be judged because I had already encountered women who were judgmental about that practice. For the 10 days I did it I found it depressing, frustrating and scary because I was worried about my baby's health.

 

The medical condition was completely unrelated to breastfeeding but honestly I was relieved that I could, and was told it was a better idea to, stop. The best part after that was seeing how my son thrived on formula and how bonding it was to feed him.

 

It's interesting, the term "butcher" because of course many parents would refer to the standard vaccinations as unncessarily invasive and "I couldn't inject my baby with those chemicals/additives, etc" - maybe you are strong enough not to care what others think (we did the standard vaccinations too, with some trepidation, just like many parenting decisions) but I know especially when I was a sleep deprived fragile new mommy reading that might have brought me to (more) tears.

 

Yes, this is a place for opinions, popular and otherwise and maybe my opinion is unpopular because it asks someone to filter what they write -- but I think filtering is in order for the benefit of those brand new moms who are reading this.

 

None of this was meant as a personal attack, just a suggestion - a plea? - to keep your audience in mind. Certainly I would do well to remember that too at times.

[arwen]

- Midwife vs. Doctor vs. at home birth

I delivered in the hospital with a medical indication because I had back labor, (Renske was facing up... ) and no dilation to speak of. I got an epidural and later on I was 'in'duced (I got hormones to help dilation go faster otherwise I'd need c-section. I never even realized that c-section could be necessary... But it wasn't.

 

- Birthing plan

I made one especially for the part after birth, because I imagined I'd be pretty shaken after birth. I wanted to breastfeed so I needed her naked on me right after, and I wanted to feed her within an hour.

 

- Who was in the delivery room with you?

A midwife, a nurse, a Obgyn, my husband.

 

- Inducing labor vs. natural labor - and with this: natural birth vs. c-section

I had no choice, I had natural labor but then I needed hormones to make it speed up. That was after about 14 hours of unbearable back labor.

 

- Post-delivery bonding time with the new family

We didn't want visitors (even not our parents) the first day. Unfortunately I had to stay in the hospital, so bonding had to happen there instead of at home.

 

- Post-birth recovery time

I was a bit sore but surprisingly well after birth. But I still, after 7 weeks, can't have sex.

 

- Breastfeeding vs. formula feeding

Breast. It's a commitment but very much worth it.

 

- Attachment parenting (go here: link removed for a definition)

?

 

- If you bottle fed, what bottles worked best for you and baby?

N/A

 

- Daycare / working mom vs. stay at home mom

Daycare- I go back to work parttime when Renske is 12 weeks old.

 

- What was the one baby item you couldn't live without?

what we call 'hydrophile diapers', a sort of towel that absorbs very quickly. They are all over our house to catch whatever is leaking out of me or the baby Mostly out of me, because Renske almost never returns milk, but I have hyperlactation (didn't know that was possible), and when she needs to drink it will start to sort of shower out of me to the point I am soaking within a minute. Embarrassing indeed.

 

- What was the biggest waste of money item you got?

A carrier called 'Shelter' from the brand Lodger. Good for nothing.

 

- Standard vaccinations vs. delayed vacs vs. no vacs

Standard.

 

- CIO vs. non-CIO vs. Ferber method or something similar (CIO=Cry it Out)

Do you mean letting her cry? We don't. For me, crying is their language, and if I let her cry, at least now that she's still SO young, it feels like I am simply not listening.

 

- When did you start your baby on solids? And how?

N/A Renske is 7 weeks.

 

- Cloth diapering vs. disposables

Disposable, but we have ECO friendly diapers. Don't forget that you need to wash the cloth diapers (think water, soap, and energy for the dryer).

 

- Circumcision vs. uncirced

Not an issue, but I'd never circumsize a boy, it's in addition VERY uncommon in Holland/Europe.

 

- Co-sleeping vs. bassinet vs. crib

Co-sleeping in her own bed? We call it rooming-in. She's in our bedroom. Very practical when you're breastfeeding!!

 

- Carseat info / travelling with baby

Don't forget that babies can't stay in a carseat longer than 2 hours. But they LOVE to ride. On days she hates the world, we always take her for a ride, when it rains we take the car.

 

- PPD (post partum depression)

I may be prone to it, seeing my history with depression...

 

 

NEW

 

I was surprised by the following things:

 

* OMG I missed my belly with her in it. I missed being pregnant SO much.

* I had a lot of postpartum tears. Lots and lots. I was crying for hours, for the silliest things.

* after birth, there is no time to recover in fact. You are a mommy 24/7, esp. when breastfeeding. It's a huge transition, and recovery is slow in that respect, because your nights are broken when you need sleep the most! All I wanted was SLEEP after that horror birth, but instead I was full of adrenaline, and I was feeding Renske every hour or so the first days.

[Batya33]

Congratulations! I missed being pregnant too which surprised me a bit. I couldn't breast feed for a number of reasons - my friends and I who did not/could not breast feed also felt and were 24/7 mommies with all the night feedings - didn't seem to be a difference. And I can share that even after 13 months there's always a part of you that's a 24/7 mommy because you always "know" the baby is there and could need you at any time. It's different than physically getting up every few hours to feed.

 

The hormones do subside, don't worry - enjoy every moment!

[Hope75]

PS Arwen- your sex life WILL come back. Right now it seems miles away, and even though my husband had marked the calendar on my 6 week check up for us. it still didn't get back to normal for a few months after that.

 

(((HUGS))

[Seraphim]

I miss being pregnant too......... last time I was was 3 years ago.

[arwen]

PS Arwen- your sex life WILL come back. Right now it seems miles away, and even though my husband had marked the calendar on my 6 week check up for us. it still didn't get back to normal for a few months after that.

 

(((HUGS))

 

I hope so. I am just too sore, we've tried since Renske was 2 weeks Good thing there's other stuff that can be done. I am also sore after peeing Is it normal? I had 'bladder retention' after birth, couldn't go for a few days. Could it be related? Sorry, this is a bit off topic

[Hope75]

I hope so. I am just too sore, we've tried since Renske was 2 weeks Good thing there's other stuff that can be done. I am also sore after peeing Is it normal? I had 'bladder retention' after birth, couldn't go for a few days. Could it be related? Sorry, this is a bit off topic

 

it wouldn't hurt to bring a urine sample in and have it checked for an infection. But yes, it is normal to be sore for awhile down there, and it takes awhile for things to go back to normal. You know I didn't have a vaginal delivery but we did discuss it in nursing school! It was still awkward for me when we had sex the first few times after the c-section and I'd say it really took about 3 months for it be really good again, though I've heard that varies from woman to woman.