Should I pursue charges or civil suit or just be happy it's over

[mfmiami]

Summary: Ex and I dated for 4 years. When it was good it was great when it wasn't it was because he got caught cheating, lying, or some combination of the two. He broke up with me last summer....yet we continued to spend time together and communicate (yeah yeah i know) up until the following happened in early Nov. I was actually 'ok' with the seeing other people thing at the time as I was open to it as well....

 

He met someone but downplayed their relationship. I later found out he was pursuing her for exclusivity, and she was initially resisting. He and I were still sleeping together. Long story short, she finally agreed to date him and him only...and he lied to her and told her he and I were no longer speaking (and obviously no longer sleeping together). Knowing him as I do, I figured this out after a few weeks. Rather than walk away, I stupidly reached out to her on facebook to tell her who she was dealing with. Naturally, she made excuses ('he said he has never felt this way about anyone and he was just feeling insecure so he was with you for an ego boost' and 'you manipulated him')..... I suppose she was right to a certain extent....in an effort to 'prove' himself to her he threw ME under the bus big time.

 

To 'prove' his loyalty to her, he changed his phone number, yet still called me every day while blocking the number. He also instant messaged me. Fool that I was....I played along and gathered the evidence, eventually sending her proof of how he was still leading ME on. Backfired again. THIS TIME he pulled out the big guns to again 'prove' his adoration for her and he filed for a temporary restraining order. He actually filed for two...the first was denied. I guess when that happened, he decided to make up the lies including that I threatened both of their lives. Since it didn't happen, he had no proof.

 

Fast forward to court. He called me a few days before (which was BREAKING the TRO - something I never did)...clearly nervous he was going to get busted for lying. He told me he just wasn't going to show up and it would be dropped. Well, he showed up....but when we got called before the judge he said he wanted to drop it because he'd moved (he hadn't) and he was 'no longer afraid of me'. I never got a chance to speak and it was closed 'without prejudice' (aka can be re-opened as if it were never closed in the future).

 

I just walked away from this horrible mess.....bruised, battered and hard lessons learned..... and I've been working on my own issues that led me into this craziness in the first place. I know through mutual friends that he's still with her and while it's painful in many ways I know I will one day be grateful.

 

A) I've spent a LOT of $ on therapy to get over this nightmare (not just this...the cheating, lying, manipulating crap that happened over four years because I allowed it - my therapist says he's a narcissist and trust me, he's CHARMING)......and B) he filed a false police report and while it's 'dismissed' officially, the original temporary order shows up in an online search of our local gov't website.

 

I have great career and it would be a nightmare if anyone ever saw this.

 

Should I pursue this legally or just continue my personal healing journey? I'm pretty sure I could get the 'false police report' charges filed (and I know I can prove them).....and I feel like he should be paying for some of the therapy! Or, honestly, is this just me being vindictive?

 

Honest opinions welcome....I never ask questions I don't want the answers to.

 

Peace.

 

M

[melrich]

I owuldn't pursue it through courts. "Relationship" issues rarely give you grounds.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I would not suggest that you pursue this. The legal system doesn't always protect the one in the right, they protect the one who makes a career out of beating systems. You are no match for a narcissist/sociopath...these people make it their life ambition to cheat the system and fool people. At some point in their life, however, they screw the wrong person, someone who has the means, connections and fortitude to really fight back and win. That is when you end up with people like Bernie Madoff and Conrad Black getting called on the carpet for their wrong-doing. Don't tangle with him..he is not worth it...just continue living your life. This new woman of his will eventually find out like you did what he is really all about.

[catfeeder]

You meddled in his other relationship and want to press charges, for what, exactly?

[rigguy]

I would suggest consult a lawyer with regards to removing your name from any records. I don't know enough to say whether that is even possible, may be some lawyer can help out. I'd make an effort to protect my carrier though. As for pursuing any further legal action against your ex, I am with most repliers, walk away, why put yourself through that.

 

Dust off your shoulder hey, don't get move involved. Dude is a jacka**, leave it at that. Riggy

[mfmiami]

You meddled in his other relationship and want to press charges, for what, exactly?

 

i guess i 'meddled'....but he was lying to us both and i needed to know the truth. in hindsight i would have trusted my gut but at the time i did my best.

[AutumnBorn]

I'd try to get the record expunged. A future boyfriend could see that on a background check and freak. Forget pursuing his filing a false police report - that's a matter for the police, not you, and it's a crime.

 

Let him be miserable on his own. The girl will figure it out eventually. He's a narcissist. He can't help but lose her, too.

[catfeeder]

i guess i 'meddled'....but he was lying to us both and i needed to know the truth. in hindsight i would have trusted my gut but at the time i did my best.

 

You still haven't clarified what kind of charges you'd want to pursue. Your meddling demo's that you knew what you were dealing with and continued anyway, so I don't understand what kind of case you believe you have.