the usual

[cyberjava]

Ok, my girlfriend of 7 months broke up with me a little over a month ago.

Let me give you a little background:

We met at an overnight summer camp, where we were both counselors. We both had mutual friends and things developed real quickly. On our first date, more or less, she gave me a quick story about how her past was miserable with guys...she has trust issues...she was had an eating disorder...and a whole lot of other problems. She told me that she wasn't a happy person and that I would have to accept all that if I wanted to be with her. I also had to try to make it work for the summer and through my going away to Washington, DC in the fall. I was extremely attracted to this girl and somehow, I agreed to all this. We had sex later that night, which she initiated. I was surprised that it happened and when she asked about how it was I didn't know how to respond...which she was offended by. This upset her and she held this over my head until the day we broke up. She also held every other little thing I did "wrong" over my head. It seems for every good thing I did, she found 20 things to criticize me for...she loved saying that I instigated her, but when I asked how...she just said that I just did, that's all.

 

So, we continued the realtionship in DC via phone, IM, email...typical long-distance thing. Things were ok, but she always was keeping tabs on me and telling me thatI had to just come home. I came home 3 times to visit...and we did get through DC with only minor arguments. Winter break came and I slept over her house as much as possible...arguments became more frequent...and ended with me storming out many times. New Year's came...we went to a party where she was flirting with an old flame...she saw I was upset and spent the rest of the night with me, but from that day on things felt real bad. See, we had a trip to Disneyworld and I felt like we were holding things together just for the trip. The trip was amazing and we were both so happy, but I came home...another big fight over a little thing...and I went back to school. More fights over little things on her part...I really did not know what was going on at that point. Valentine's Day was around the corner and I got a B&B for us to smooth over the "problems", but that's when she called and said she had been unhappy for a month...she needed space...blah, blah, blah.

 

Ok, if you made it through all that...(and that was just a basic overview)...this is where my question comes. We were really serious, spending all of our time together, but I felt that it was a serious one-way street. I always went over her house and always conceeded to her, but it was never enough...because she wasn't a "happy person"...like she warned me. Well, we've been broken up for over a month and she is insisting we be friends and hang out. She calls and wonders why I have her blocked on IM. I've been miserable for the last month, lagging in school and everything else, trying to forget her. I really centered my whole life around her...I did everything I could to make her happy...Why is she calling, why does she want to be friends so badly and how do I deal with her now? Can I ever be friends with her?

[maverick]

Seems to me she has some dpression issues and problems with other things. What type of stuff did you argue about? I think you didn't need to break up rather get some space and do your own thing. I think you should talk to her over dinner, be totally serious and tell her you want to spend more time. I really think you need to find out why she is such an 'unhappy person.' that could be key to your relationship. Good luck!

 

Maverick

[mermayd]

As she warned, it sounds like she has some problems that she needs to focus on and deal with. No one but her can overcome these issues. Your relationship didn't soound very healthy with all the bickering and all. It sounds like she was testing you to see what you would and wouldn't put up with. How far she could push you til you'd give up. I know it sounds ridiculous but many people handle things that way. I think that next time she calls you, you need to tell her that it is too difficult for you to speak with her and kindly ask her to stop. I wouldn't go to any extremes about it, but I think that you should definitely bring it to her attention that you not wish to speak with her. I hope this helped you. Good luck

[SwingFox]

Hi,

 

Mermayd is right... you have to bring it under her attention. I would like to add a rule I use in my life: "The only obligation YOU have in life, is for YOU to be happy. If YOU are not happy, YOU cannot make someone else happy."

 

This rule applies here. You weren't happy in your relationship with her. You tried everything you could and it didn't work. I hope that these words help you and comfort you.

 

I wish you luck and strength to do the necessary.

 

~ SwingFox ~