Why do people stay in unhappy/unhealthy relationships?

[holidaybluze]

I was just wondering what everyone thought about this. Why do people stay in a relationship that is toxic and unhealthy? Is it the fear of the unknown? Feel they can't get any better?

[hexaemeron]

I was just wondering what everyone thought about this. Why do people stay in a relationship that is toxic and unhealthy? Is it the fear of the unknown? Feel they can't get any better?

 

Guilt. Love.

[Taikero]

Continuing what hex said....

 

Guilt. Love. Excitement. Danger. Money. Sex. Power. Control/Submission. Stability. Children. Fear of being alone. Convenience. Apathy. Waiting for the opportune moment to get out the most/least painfully.

 

There are more but it's a start.

[Hobbes]

Guilt. Love.

 

yes and hope. There must have been a high point at some stage otherwise the relationship would never have started.

 

I'm ok being alone right now but other people seem to think all I want to do is get involved in a relationship, they don't think it's normal that I am single (at XXXVIII). It's the first reaction - 'oh you will meet someone else, let me see if I know anyone..' (ffs)

 

Might as well enjoy the single life whilst I can, I know it will happen again but no hurries.. no desire at this point.

[WomanWriter]

companionship, growth opportunities, lifestyle maintenance, something to do (or someone to try new things with/learn new stuff with), sex.

 

Also, don't want the drama that break-ups bring. Sometimes your lives are so intertwined that it's easier to stay together.

[Godless_Heathen]

Conflict avoidance. If you're married, the legalities of divorce, and the money issues that usually follow.

[hexaemeron]

yes and hope. There must have been a high point at some stage otherwise the relationship would never have started.

 

I'm ok being alone right now but other people seem to think all I want to do is get involved in a relationship, they don't think it's normal that I am single (at XXXVIII). It's the first reaction - 'oh you will meet someone else, let me see if I know anyone..' (ffs)

 

Might as well enjoy the single life whilst I can, I know it will happen again but no hurries.. no desire at this point.

 

Hobbes with that bangin new bod of yours, I absolutely require you to go out and enjoy your single self!

[unknownme]

Fear of being alone & possible never finding anyone else...

[KG]

Fear of being alone & possible never finding anyone else...

 

I know of 2 couples to whom this applies.

[SadMan]

I am in one now and I have to agree to all of the above but mostly Love, Sex, and Hope they will change back to the sweet self they once was.

 

I just want the relationship to be healthy and Happy. Why is it so hard?

[DanDee]

Feeling they don't deserve better. Also sometimes people don't even know healthy, happy relationships exist. They have never seen one so have nothing to compare theirs too.

[Hobbes]

Hobbes with that bangin new bod of yours, I absolutely require you to go out and enjoy your single self!

 

Haha I liked that. Will do sir! Soon.. ™

 

[thanks!]

[Cognitive_Canine]

They don't know any better. Haven't been in a good relationship.

[HeartGoesOn]

Because they have "tunnel vision", and can't or will not see it any other way.

[oldenoughtoknow]

Familiarity. They've built a life together that otherwise works well for them - family, friends, a nice home, maybe a few kids.

 

They try to ignore the obvious so they won't have to give up all or part of the rest of their life that they enjoy.

[appleberry]

It all depends on what you would define as "unhealthy." To many, being in an "unhappy" relationship is relatively better than not being in a relationship at all. To give a personal example, walking alone in the mall or in the streets and seeing other couples together sometimes do spark a sense of envy. However, it is not to say that I agree being in an unhealthy relationship is the correct way to go; it is not. I have been in an unhelathy relationship in the past, and have ended it peacefully, albeit it took quite a while. Therefore, it is the sense of having a "backup" so to say, the feeling that "I have someone" overtakes the feeling of "I have no one." You keep telling yourself "perhaps this will work out."

[unknownme]

I know of 2 couples to whom this applies.

 

It's Sad that poeple have this type of fear...I beileve that if you're not happy in your relationship there's always something better out there....

[holidaybluze]

It all depends on what you would define as "unhealthy." To many, being in an "unhappy" relationship is relatively better than not being in a relationship at all. To give a personal example, walking alone in the mall or in the streets and seeing other couples together sometimes do spark a sense of envy. However, it is not to say that I agree being in an unhealthy relationship is the correct way to go; it is not. I have been in an unhelathy relationship in the past, and have ended it peacefully, albeit it took quite a while. Therefore, it is the sense of having a "backup" so to say, the feeling that "I have someone" overtakes the feeling of "I have no one." You keep telling yourself "perhaps this will work out."

I completely agree with your statement. I think this is the case a lot of the time. People think things might get better in their relationship so they stay. We all know that things don't get better, they stay the same or get worse.

[shellderella]

well I'm currently in what most would consider an unhappy/unhealthy relationship... lack of communication and respect being the key parts.

 

I stay with him because I believe he is suffering from a problem he has no control over (depression) and currently will not seek to remedy. He believes he is this way due to his career not being what he wants, lack of money to contribute, and the weather (up here where you don't see the sun cause it's only out for 5 hours a day while you work, it really is an issue). He believes that when he is able to make the changes he wants to his life (career and money wise), he will no longer be this way. (He is looking to join the military when they begin recruiting again. Currently they are not).

 

I am not so sure. But I do remember what it is like to have a good and healthy relationship with him. For now I am staying with him because he may be correct, and he will get better when those changes are made.

 

I also stay with him because he has no other support. He come's from a pretty terrible family, and has only basic education with limited work skills. Although he is extremely smart and talented, he has nothing to translate this to paper. Without a well paying job, school is not an option. Without work experience, a better paying job isn't avaliable. His depression may be completely related to only this.

 

I am an extremely strong person, and while this does affect me, I have the ability to section his mistreatment (emotionally and communication, never physical) off from the rest of my life. I am still a happy, healthy person. I see this time as a trial in my life and his. I will not let this man fall through the cracks of life because no one would be there for him when he needed it.

 

In time, when he is able to change his life to what he is hoping will help, if things are not improving, I will look to what to do then in terms of continuing our relationship. For now, it sucks at times, but it`s what I choose to do.

[jul-els]

I was just wondering what everyone thought about this. Why do people stay in a relationship that is toxic and unhealthy? Is it the fear of the unknown? Feel they can't get any better?

 

Habit. Addiction to unhealthy patterns.

[mandyc]

what unknown said, fear of being alone and worried that it is "too late" to start over.

 

I however could never, ever remain in an unhappy relationship or with someone who didn't love me.

[2900]

i just got out of an unhealthy relationship. we spent 3 years together. i dealt with baby mama drama, lies, lies and more lies. and lots of dissapointment, broken promises. we fought every few days. i violated his privacy, hacked into any accounts i could get into. i stayed because i love him. because i hoped we would b able to work through all our differences and be happy together. because in between all the chaos. wen we werent fighting. it was so sweet. warm. wonderful. it was those happy intimate moments that kept me going. i hoped that eventually we would work through all the kinks and we could have the sweet warm wonderful all the time. our love for each other is very intense. unfortunately we realized he wasn't ready for a relationship. and i had my last straw. and i walked. im still in love with him. but i've exhausted myself. and i can't go back. hurts me more than anything...to know i will never feel his arms around me, and i'll never see the sparkle in his eyes when he looks at me. but. it is what it is. i just can't do it anymore.