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Maybe I might be able to deal with this


mr me

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Ive had a really long battle with depression all my life but for the past couple of years being suicidal is the biggest problem. I dont really know if ill ever feel like a normal person because ive gone to the lowest of lows in just how bad its been. I really felt like killing myself today which was hard because ive really been trying hard to fight what im going thru. Its just thats mainly because of how bad it was. I was having shakes last night and today. I had racing thoughts for about a week now or more because i really dont know.

 

I am on meds and im not really sure what to think of them. I dont know if it made it worse or it was really just this bad to begin with. I do know that im trying to take myself off the med Im on which is Zoloft and trying to stick with natural stuff mainly St. Johns Wort, Omega-3s, B-Vitamins, and others. Ive felt for a long time that no matter what your on if your not able to deal with what is going on then nothing will help you get better. It might help alittle bit to survive but that doesnt seem to really help me thinking about that.

 

I really dont feel too much better because until i can get some type of balance in my life I dont feel relieved. I know how easy it is to have to go thru the ups and downs and i might just feel like this for a short time. I still dont really know how to cope with this and move on. I know ill never be able to get back what i lost so i dont know what will make this different now. I feel like im a really good person when i can be that way but when im not i basically wont be able to deal with anything. Ive spent so much time by myself and have never been around anyone else where i feel content. It just seems like I dont seem to hold on to lasting relationships that are beneficial.

 

I dont see myself as someone that can just fit in with anyone so to a point I dont even know what to look for. I just know for the most part who I want to be and hopefully I can meet other people who can relate to that. I do think its going to be very difficult tho because im really starting from nothing. I just hope i have the patience and the focus to stick with it and see what happens next. I guess all i can do now is wait and see what happens.

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just stay strong and sometimes it can be best without the meds because of the side effect most is sudical thoughts but sometimes depending on the person the meds work fine I am one of the people that my aniexty worsen with meds but it just takes time just say strong and you can do it,,,,,,comedy movies work great to

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Listen.. U need to remember that u have one life and u are here.

Many people died last year and they didn't have the chance n opportunity u have right now.

I know life is tough and it can always be worse but that's only if u allow it. Make a goal and work for it.. Keep ur mind busy if u need help we are here don't be shy to ask I go through ups n downs everyday and lately I feel everythings getting worse but all I can do is look forward because I know where I'm going and I know I'll get there.

U can't change what happens or what happened but change where your going

u can control your mind it's like a muscle

I hope that helps 

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I can relate what your going through. Because I've been through this myself with the depression and sucidal thoughts. And I was at the weakest point of my life as well. I wasn't getting any better I was getting worser. My Pscyhologist put me on Abilify and I wasn't getting any better. So I quit taking it for a while. After I stopped taking the medication I was getting much worser. So I went to my regular Dr and told him the problems I was having and begging him to give me some sort of medication to help me get out of the mood I am in. I myself am taking zoloft after trying so many medication. But he started me out on a lower dosage. Either your psychologist or Dr is going to see how you progess on the medication and will decide later on if they need to change the dosage on the medication. How many dosage are you taking if you dont mind me asking? If you just started these meds then its going to take a while for it to kick in. Give it time at least 2-3 weeks max. If you see that your not getting any better go back to your Dr and have him change the medication you are on until you find the meds that actually works for you. Like I said I tried so many and Zoloft did help me alot. Meds can be a bit tricky and play with your mood alot. So try to hang in there if you need to talk more feel free to pm me as I said i've gone through this before. Try to take activities, do something you enjoy just try to get your mind off of these thoughts cuz it helped me alot. I started reading. I Started taking 3 classes again and now I barley have the time to think about anything else. I promise you that you will feel better about yourself later on once you get yourself busy. Cuz, if you dont the depression is going to get in the way no matter what. As hard as it sounds try to fight it off. Keep trying until you do fight it off and dont give up. I fought with my depression and so many times I felt like I wanted to fail but I didnt. So give it a try and see how the outcome is. Give me a holler if you need too.

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Mr. Me

 

Sorry to see your down again. Can you remember what started it, try and stay clear of the thoughts and feelings that bring it on. when they do happen go for run, walk or whatever it is that will preoccupy yourself.

 

Stop beating yourself up, You are a good person, with a big heart!!!! Get to know yourself again, think about the thoughts your having, what they mean, where thier coming from, stop living in the past, realize what you really want out of life. Then go for it

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Im just sitting here with really no idea what to say. I feel like this all the time pretty much. I dont need much to really just push me over the edge because im basically on the edge all the time. I can end up having alot of panic attacks just in one day. I feel like depression is the loneliest thing you can ever go thru. I dont really know what else to say but words really dont mean much to me right now. All the advice in the world wont do you any good if the things around you and your life in general is this bad.

 

I keep asking myself over and over again why i cant just deal with this. Is it really this bad but every time i ask myself that i see it really is. No one can understand being in this much pain unless they have experienced it themselves because you really cant understand what its like living a life like this if you havent. Its like all the bad things in the world can happen to you and all you can do is deal with it and hope it doesnt ruin your life forever. I just cant imagine how you can live your life after living thru this and being ok with how things are.

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This might seem ignorant but why do people think that just because you were able to do something or the way it happened for you it can still happen for other people. I really dont know if I should write things out because most of the time people cant really say anything to me that would help. Ive spent all this time being depressed and could never really say what i really felt because i didnt want people to see me be this way. Its just this is the reality and this is how i see things. I guess i could just be like well people dont understand but its tiring to always have to explain and defend yourself because no one really gets it.

 

It takes years of practice for psychologist to learn how to help people and really see whats going on with a person from helping others. Its just thats why i feel like this is the loneliest feeling because Ive never meet anyone who has fallen as low as I have but have tried as hard as i have and know as much about psychology and self-help. I guess i knew one person but thats the person who is one of the main reasons why im in this much pain. Im supposed to somehow just deal with all of this before i can really find a way to live my life again but its been taking so much time.

 

I know how long its taken some people to turn their lives around and even with all of that your only able to control things that you can. I can constantly have issues that dont allow me to really feel good about my life. Its stuff like this that makes me think that it doesnt matter if there is a God or not because when it comes to my life it doesnt make a difference. I know how bad things are but I dont know how to find a way to live with things being this bad and not still feeling the same way i do now.

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I seem to deal with this all the time where i say what i really feel and people dont seem to respond to it. I have to try to get myself not to see it like they dont care but its not easy. Ive wrote on this site countless times and i just wont have people respond to me because either i seem difficult or i show myself trying to help myself. It bothers me because i can see that there are things people could say but they dont because its not like your other cases where you can do something.

 

Someone once told me that i shouldnt expect alot from these threads but again that seems pointless. Some people have been thru alot and can find the right things to say to help someone. I just try to tell myself that this is just how things are but I havent been able to deal with my reality pretty much my whole life. I just cant explain in words how much it would mean for someone to understand where im coming from but usually they dont.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Sorry Mr Me.

 

Im not ignoring you, Ive been having some medical issues that stop me in my tracks. Im sorry that nothing anyone says seems to help. Words dont fix anything, they are said or wrote to make you feel better in that moment, but sometimes someones says something that is like wow thats an eye opener.

 

I know all about the feeling like you just want to crawl in a hole. It may never change for you, you may deal with depression for a very long time if not for the rest of your life. The thing is you have to find a way to deal with it, to live with it. You cant let it control you!!!! If you do they will eat you up and then you wont be able to see any light much less crawl out of bed in the morning. When you start thinking those thoughts get up and go run go do something that is going to make you so tired that you forget that you were thinking that in the first place.

 

Youve dealt with some things that are keeping the dark clouds over your head, deal with it and let it go. YOU cant keep torturing yourself like this. How are the meds working? Have you talked to your doc about trying something else?

 

How is therapy going? Does it make you feel better to talk, to open up?

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