She Took My Child And Left!

[Leon91]

i think its time i ask for some advice and help...

 

i have been with my ex since i was 13 ( 5 and a half years now.. )

we have lived together with my family for 3 of those years and lived in our own place for 2.

 

we have had our ups and downs like most.

last year was a rough one! she would shoot off and would switch her mobile off and not contact me in any way at all for a few days.. then come back and keep repeating this.

 

until november, when she gave birth to our daughter!

this made us extremely close and we started to get much better

she stayed then with me all the way up until last week! ( thursday )

were we had a row, she walked out and went home. her mobile was off so i couldnt get a hold of her and she had my daughter!! i was scared and called police to make sure she was ok! luckily they found her back at her familys house along with our daughter.

 

she text me that night saying sorry and she wishes she was still with me she regreted going and wants to come back up.

i said forget it and dont worry.. just trying to be polite and calm her down a little.

 

since then i have heard nothing, her phone has remained off and she has in no way tried to contact. its been 5 days i think.

 

now what makes this hard is the fact we have a child!!

i miss them BOTH so much, i would probably even take her back!!

 

i have booked an apointment for legal help and are aiming to go the legal route to access if she can not be adult enough to sort it between ourselves!

 

that apointment is on thursday ( 1 week since she walked out )

i still pray that phone would go, or she would pop up on msn or something

 

i live miles away from anyone all my friends live 2 hours away and i feel isolated!

 

i would do anything to hear from her again, but i will still pursue the legal route!

 

do you think shes likely to get in touch?

im trying to get myself better and move on but its so so hard when im 100% on my own!

 

take care guys i really look forward to help

[Cognitive_Canine]

Is she in contact with her parents? Who is she staying with?

 

You have the RIGHT to know where your child is and that your child is in a safe environment.

 

Can your girlfriend afford diapers and food while disappearing like this? Does she have a car and phone? Insurance? Does she have a source of income?

 

Track this woman down and make sure everything is okay! She can't just take off with your child like this!

 

If I were you, I would have released the hounds and found out where she was a long time ago.

[Leon91]

she is at home with her mother and younger sister

 

her mother works most days and her sister is in school.

 

when she first left i tried contacting them through the landline. no answer, so i text her mum to ask if it was ok if i could see my daughter.... no reply.. that was friday

 

as i said her mum works most days. her dad is a millionaire and can certainly afford anything she wants . but he works away in dubai as part of his job.

 

shes always used that against me " i would be better off with my parents at least they have the power to support me " that hurts alot because i try my hardest to look after them both.

 

if i went there, they would deny me seeing either my daughter or ex!

no point calling, they say shes busy or dont answer!

cant call her directly as her mobile is off and she dosnt check emails or come on msn!

 

i feel lost. legal feels my only help.. my mind is racing and this is my mesed up logic:

 

when she sees the letter from the solicitor, she may begin to panic and try sorting it out

( her mother always said she would NEVER stop me seeing my daughter,regardless of what my ex felt! what a lie ! )

 

this kills me. i miss my daughter so much, ykno, the way she grabs your finger

 

this just feels too much to handle! i havent tried contact because theres no point. im doing my best

 

THANK YOU i really need support

[DN]

See your lawyer - and don't go just for access, go for joint legal and physical custody.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Talk to your lawyer about this. It doesn't matter if they want you to see her or not. They can't just do this to you. You have every right to see your daughter and it's a petty thing for them to make you fight for it.

[Leon91]

 

 

Yeah, i will do that, i guess as her father i have a right to be able to have my daughter overnight or a weekend and be able to take her out!

 

still, i hope the ex contacts me soon!

shes never had a relationship before us.. but who did at 11/12 years old?

 

i miss them both and i pray she still thinks about me and misses me!

 

by the way:

 

is it worth me going there one day? especially if her mother/sister aren't there?

 

what do you think?

 

on the one hand she might answer and let me see my daughter and her!

 

on the other she might not, and i will feel just as bad

[Cognitive_Canine]

I think you should stay away from the house unless she gives you permission. With how she is acting, I wouldn't be surprised if she called the police. Don't over call either or leave any kind of threatening messages (ultimatums that can be interpreted that way).

 

Just stay completely calm and stay out of trouble. You'll look like the good parent who is trying to see his daughter and she'll look like the crazy one.

[Clabs]

Hi Leon

 

This sounds like a pretty rotten situation.

 

I wouldn't just turn up there one day - that has bad news written all over it.

 

Were you and your ex married? And if not, does your name appear on the birth certificate?

[Leon91]

Hi all.

 

i did what i probably shouldnt have and rang the landline.. i left a message saying:

 

Hiya T,

 

hope you and nevaeh are doing ok.

just to call to see if she doing well as i havent heard from you in a few days now..

if you could give me a ring or something that be great

thanks, bye.

 

 

probably shouldnt have! i know she will hear my voice breaking coz im trying to hold the emotions back.

 

i know she wont call back but at least i tried eh?

i guess it will show solicitors that i tried and she did not.

 

anyway...

 

clabbs no we were not married

but yes i am on the birth certificate.

 

i guess my 5days NC have been broken

not that she would have known as her phone is off!

 

why why why did i do it?!?!

[Cognitive_Canine]

I think your message was good. You expressed that you wanted contact without any kind of threat or anger. She can't use it against you and it'll help your case that you contacted so calmly.

[Leon91]

thank you

 

thursday just seems so far away, i know its only two days but it will also be 7 since i last spoke with her

 

why cant she be mature enough to realise how much pain she would feel if she was in my shoes!

 

where do i go now? do i carry on NC and not try at all to contact them?

at least until thursday?

 

im so desperate to see my child like a part of me has been torn away, i guess it literally has though!

[alcide]

Why don't you go to her mom'splace to look for her. She is crazy , what reasons she has to do such. You should speak to her patents and go look for her at her house, where else would she be,

 

besides she no u r hurting that is the reason she is doing you this thing.

[iBroken]

Uh I would go to the house?

 

What is going to happen, they will call the police? He is the father of that child and she has abducted that child IMO. She is ignoring his calls and has made no effort to get in touch with him. So what, the police show up? Maybe call your local police station and find out what your options are here until you see your solicitor.

 

In canada, you can have the police escort you back to property to pick up posessions and belongings. They do it to keep the peace and ensure nothing happens between two parties. But you have to contact the police, explain the situation and have them escort you.

 

Im not sure if this is possible when a child is involved. But Id call and explain the situation and ask "Worst case scenario should they call the police and I havent done anything other then trespass onto the property as a means to get in touch"

 

Or you could just report the abduction to the police LOL

[Leon91]

Hi Leon

 

This sounds like a pretty rotten situation.

 

I wouldn't just turn up there one day - that has bad news written all over it.

 

Were you and your ex married? And if not, does your name appear on the birth certificate?

 

Why don't you go to her mom'splace to look for her. She is crazy , what reasons she has to do such. You should speak to her patents and go look for her at her house, where else would she be,

 

besides she no u r hurting that is the reason she is doing you this thing.

 

the reason i have stopped myself going there is this:

 

Her parents are very stuck up, high class ... snobs ( there is no other word )

 

my ex is an adult, yet they will wrap there wings around her so tight it becomes impossible to get anywhere near Tia or Nevaeh in any way,shape or form.

 

i did think about going there, but only if i knew:

 

1. her mum wasnt there.

2. her sister was in school

 

 

if i knew that i thought it might be worth a shot, i was advised against this and this makes sense to me.

but also going there and trying makes sense too!

 

im stuck in limbo, its not fair my daughter should be taken away from me..

 

she knows im hurt and wanting to see them both, this is why she is staying away..

 

shes ADMITED in the past she likes hurting me, she loves the chase and knowing she pulls the string.

how hurtfull can she be?

it crushes me knowing i cant do a thing, because that is what she wants and if i try she will just use it more and more!

 

i cant cope!

 

in my mind i would love to just say:

hey, f**k it, you dont deserve me!

 

but im so ashamed of everything about me , im just too scared to put my heart on the line anymore!

[Leon91]

I guess its not abduction as i do know where they both are, i just cant get in touch ( actually abduction makes sense in that way )

 

I doubt it is worth the pain of getting turned down

all i want is to see them, but as i said last time, she gets a kick out of watching me break. by her own admission, im too scared to play into her hands

 

i bet i sound like i feel sorry for myself, well i do!

but i feel too bad to let her hurt me more

 

i live alone, hours away from family or friends, and each second kills me!

[Leon91]

Do I hold my breath for the ex?

 

as i explained she has admited her pleasure out of hurting me.

though when she found out while she was just leaving me all the time i made a new female buddy, this female dosnt have any interest in me nor do i her, purely someone to talk to over msn as i have no friends otherwise

 

tia thought she was a threat and came running back, and she stayed here since then up until last week!

 

now she knows this other girl and i will talk, but she obviously dosnt regard her as a threat anymore or she would have been in touch if she didnt want me movin on?

 

anyway this friend has arranged to come down in a few weeks for a drink.

 

what can you guys make from this?

because if you all think shes past it and dosen't care i will just move on!

 

what i dont want though is to move on and have that ruin legal proceedings!

 

im just confused with everything

 

thanks for all the help guys!

[pumpkinmoon]

I think the first thing you need to concentrate on is getting access to your daughter. Your ex sounds like an immature selfish brat who wouldn't know how to have a proper relationship if she tried.

 

Try to stay calm until your appointment on Thursday. I am sure somthing will be able to be sorted then.

[Leon91]

I think the first thing you need to concentrate on is getting access to your daughter. Your ex sounds like an immature selfish brat who wouldn't know how to have a proper relationship if she tried.

 

Try to stay calm until your appointment on Thursday. I am sure somthing will be able to be sorted then.

 

quite right!

 

the amount of people that have told me that time after time is unreal

and do i listen? nope.

 

but this time i AM going to!

 

As i said she just dosent seem to care at all!

 

im hoping she comes back I wish there was some magic wand that i could use to know what shes feeling!

 

thanks guys!

 

i think ill start thinking of me and then eventually moving on

if she comes back ill be in a better frame of mind and if she dosent well ill be on the road to recovery anyway

[Clabs]

Hi again Leon

 

Well, I suppose the good news is that you have Parental Responsibility. If you were not married and your name was not on the birth certificate then you would have virtually no rights as a father whatsoever.

 

There are two sides to this... seeing your daughter and seeing your ex, and you are going to have to compartmentalise these two things somehow. Because from what you have written, you are hoping that a solicitors letter hitting her dorrmat is somehow going to shake her up and make her see "sense".

 

If you are holding out hope of her coming back, then I wouldn't be clouding things with this new girl hanging about, but that is just my opinion.

 

It is VERY early days yet and you and your ex will need to be in contact for a VERY long time as parents, if not partners.

 

Try not to get too worked up about things and definitely don't do anything in haste - ALWAYS stop and really think about things before doing anything.

 

You say that your ex's father is very wealthy - and wealth = legal firepower. Don't do anything that could jeopordise seeing your daughter in the future.

 

Go along to the solicitor and see what they advise. But make sure you take plenty of notes and try to have some questions ready that you want answers to. Also - keep it straight to the point and don't use them for emotional support because they are expensive and we are free!

 

Let us know how you get on mate - ok?

[unknownme]

There is nothing wrong by calling, your only checking on your daughter which is great! It shows that your a very caring father. You should be able to be part of your babys life. Seek legal help and custody, this will allow you to see her a lot more then now. Good Luck!! Sorry you're so young and going through this..

[Leon91]

thanks

 

i only want what is best...

but they seem to have this idea that im not a good idea for my daughter!

 

just wish she would snap out of her selfishness!

in the mean time im going to keep coming here.. go to the solicitors and work my ar*e off to ensure i do everything i can to be the dad my daughter deserves!

[Clabs]

thanks

 

i only want what is best...

but they seem to have this idea that im not a good idea for my daughter!

 

just wish she would snap out of her selfishness!

in the mean time im going to keep coming here.. go to the solicitors and work my ar*e off to ensure i do everything i can to be the dad my daughter deserves!

 

I really think that this is your best plan for now mate.

 

Keep everything crossed for you

[Tanzi]

Hi Leon

 

What a horrible situation for you to be in. My heart goes out to you. You must be missing your daughter terribly. I really wouldn't worry about the phone call you made as you have every right to try to have contact with your daugher and to know that she is well and safe. I wouldn't worry about NC either as this isn't simply a case of getting over and moving on from a relationship. You have a daughter who you clearly miss and who shouldn't be kept from you. Your ex is behaving extremely immature and irresponsible and I'm surprised her mum is behaving the same way.

 

However I wouldn't go to the house as they may well call the police saying you are harrassing them, though whether or not it would be seen as harassment when they are keeping your daughter from you I don't know. I just don't know whether its worth the risk or not. You really need to take some legal advice.

 

Can I ask though, Leon (and please don't be offended by this question as I'm sure the answer is going to be "no") but have you done anything for them to feel they have a right to both walk away from you and for your ex to keep your daughter from you?

[Leon91]

I have never done anything like that no..

this has come as a real shock to me.. her family have always said

" no matter what happens between you both, you are always welcome to see nevaeh! "

i guess actions speak louder than words, but no one has been in touch since she walked out, not even since i asked tia to turn her mobile on so i could arrange to see my daughter.. it really does hurt being kept away as though im a criminal!

 

as i said before, when she found out how much i loved her, she would go out of her way to hurt me, as she " liked feeling chased " and "knew it would hurt me"

 

until she thought another female was a threat and begged for me to never do anything with anyone..

i of course and unlike her, listened and she was clearly upset so she came up again and stayed all the way through until last week!

 

im not sure whats going on in her mind, but i wish i could see my daughter.

feels as though every hour is lasting what a normal week would last.

 

I pray every night that the lord may help her realise the pain and wrong she is causing... I just have to wait

 

i have the solicitors tomorrow, but am scared its gonna take a long time for anything to happen.

 

sorry if i went off base.. just getting things out i guess.

 

thank you very very much, this place has been a godsend to me

the support from everyone is amazing, shame others cant act as mature in these situations as the people on here!

[Leon91]

Feeling really down again today

 

haven't tried contacting her in any way at all today, although ill know if she switched her phone on as i sent a text just after she must have switched it off, so i will get a delivery report.

 

been researching all over this forum and all over the net for what to expect by going through court and everything.

 

Everything seems so biased towards the mother, i can understand this in alot of situations but when it is clearly obvious the mother will cause as much problems as she can to make it harder for me to see my lovely daughter, i think it is totaly unfair!

her wealth may benifit the child, but wealth dosen't equal love, while im not suggesting she dose not love our daughter, using her as a weapon to hurt me is not love!

 

i have come to realise that even when that letter arrives on her doormat, she will either discard it or not bother responding, which will then of course lead to court action!

 

this can be a long long process apparently, and its been a week and im struggling to stay sane!

i really dont think i could last weeks/months and god forbid, years!!

I can see cracks appearing in my walls i built to defend myself from this!

 

How can she destroy me when she isnt here or even in touch!?!

I still cant get to sleep until 5 or 6am...

i have spent literally EVERY moment from friday until now on this pc and this forum..

 

i jus cant find a way to ease any pain at all!

my only way of escape ( although not for long )

is my guitar! this is my passion, i have had from a young age.

even to have been in a proffesional touring/recording band with a recording deal!!

 

why did i give up? take a guess!

Tia got fed up of me almost putting that before anything else!

until one day a few years into "us" i quit!

i played at home from then on.. only to be told how i only ever bother with guitars etc etc...

 

anything i took pride in she would make me feel so rubbish at it, to the point i started to believe it!

 

now shes gone, i still cant play much because it reminds me of how she would tell me how bad i was/am

 

for fu** sake, i really think im beginning to lose the plot! shes won every battle and im so close to raising that white flag.

 

shes taken every ounce of my self confidence and thrown it away!