She Took My Child And Left!

[Clabs]

Hi again Leon

 

Sorry you are having a bad day of it mate - am sending out some ((((HUGS)))) to you.

 

Your feelings of despair are perfectly natural and all I can suggest to you is to get through this hour by hour and day by day for the time being. If you are not sleeping, that is only gonna compound things so try and get some shut eye when you can, ok?

 

You are right - the laws in this country suck in that they are heavily weighted towards the mother. And the system is also open to manipulation. Delaying tactics - false accusations even. Presumably in the hope you will give up and go away.

 

I am going to warn you that you do face an uphill battle here and it does not help your case that your daughter is so young, because most people would probably agree that a child of such a young age (a baby still) should spend the majority of it's time with it's mother.

 

But look - you are the father of that child and you are entitled to see her and nobody can take that away from you unless you either give up, or do something really silly.

 

Yes - they may ignore solicitors letters, but if they do, you persevere and apply to court. And if they ignore that then you apply to getting that enforced. And if they ignore that then more fool them.

 

Your ex sounds manuipulative and bordering abusive for all her put-down's and I am afraid that sometimes, the mud starts to stick - when you begin to believe it is true.

 

Stuff her mate - dig that guitar out and struff till your heart is content. I bet you are actually pretty good if you have been playing since you were a kid!

 

I know what it feels like to be close to throwing up that white flag. But you know - all you are going to do is show her that she was right. And how is this going to help your daughter? And that is where your focus needs to stay for now.

 

Don't give up mate - never ever give up, because whatever happens, your daughter will benefit so much in having you in her life.

 

Your confidence will return - give it some time mate.

 

Can you give us an update on what the solicitor says tomorrow??

 

Mark

[Leon91]

 

 

Here we go again

 

one step forward two steps back

 

 

this is becoming such a struggle now.

 

If any of you guys have had experience in what im going through with regard to the custody situation i could to be a bit of help.

 

as of friday i havent heard a word from my ex, i miss her so so much

im usually ok in the nights but not tonight..

 

I would do anything to see her for a while!

the dreams are killing me i never want to open my eyes because i know its only a dream

 

will the court take into account the way she goes without any contact and is clearly stopping me from talking with either her or my daughter, she APPARENTLY has been to the doctors and diagnosed with post-natal depression.

 

tia is a massive lier, she lies even when she has been caught!

 

for example:

 

1. lied about being pregnant ( to keep me apparently )

 

2. said she was in the hospital, then i heard her dog bark, before i could even breathe she hung up and phone switched off!

 

i went to hers and she would not answer the door, and when she did she said she had just come back... what within 5-10 mins? ( hospital is 30-40 mins away ) and she was changed aswell in that time! no chance

 

numerous other occasions. inc

the way she would always stand me up, i travelled each time she asked me to, would wait and wait, to come back broken hearted and lonely..

 

i swear she knows what shes doing

 

anyway, as i said shes clearly going out of her way to ignore me!

will this be a valid point in my argument ( as well as all of the lies etc )

that i simply could not trust her to keep to anything she says?

 

Also:

Will she have to stay in touch with me? because i think she should, as partners/friends whatever.. but if nothing else FOR THE BABY!!

 

just hearing her voice, seeing her and being civil will be heaven to me. but will she have to do that to adhere to what the court says?

 

i hate crying so much and praying she will miss me.

I do wonder if she even thinks about it..

 

Im in her town tomorrow for solicitors,

if her mother is in work and sister in school i was thinking of popping around to give her a knock see what happens.

 

she might answer she might not and i would only do it if it was just her there

( her mother can sometimes force her into not bothering with me! )

 

i dont even know what i want, well yes i do.

I want her to be here again, happy and laughing like we did and with our baby girl.

 

im scared to play on my xbox, scared to watch certain tv chanels/shows because i know she usually watches them with me!

 

im desperate to see them both, and the last thing she said to me was how much she misses me and loves me and wishes she never left and wanted to come back up.

 

so is it worth me trying a visit?

 

I guess i would be happy with just being in touch with her!

 

I would love to try mediation, but i couldnt ask her because i cant contact her.

maybe if she does answer tomorrow and we do get along.. maybe im getting to far ahead of myself.

 

does she have to stay intouch with me as adults?

 

im cold,lonely,crying and scared.

 

to make things worse

 

this female i know is jelous of how tia owns my heart and that i miss/love her

and gets jelous when i mention her, she seems to force herself on me and i dont want to see anyone new now and her originally caring side now seems cold unless its about her

 

just feel this is grinding to a holt and its gonna be ages before i see/speak to her or my daughter

[Leon91]

So then..

 

Today is the day of my solicitors!

im nervous but in a sense relieved i may finally understand what i can do today!

 

its been a week since i last saw my ex and my daughter, and 6 days NC

 

On the way down from here to there, i pass by her mothers work and was thinking if i spot her car in work i might pop to Tias house and give it a knock

i will film this on my blackberry, so then its documented that:

 

1. i have been there and tried to get in touch

2. she doesn't answer

3. she does answer, but then i have evidence of the meet so she cant bring up false acusations later on.

 

what are your thoughts on this?

 

I leave in 30 mins but get emails through my blackberry so can read updates from it,

 

thanks

leon

[Clabs]

Leon

 

Breathe mate - breathe!

 

I honestly wouldn't go anywhere near her house until you have seen the solicitor and you can then begin to formulate some sort of action plan. Make sure and take a notepad with you, by the way.

 

Do you mind me asking how much your solicitor is charging you for this first appointment? Many of them offer a much reduced initial consultation. And you know - you shouldn't feel compelled to use this first solicitor if you don't "gel" with them. I think I saw 4 or 5 before I chose one (a couple of them, I seemed to have a better idea than they did!).

 

Keep calm mate is all the advice I can give you right now.

 

Let us know what they have to say about things.

 

Good luck mate!

 

Mark

[Leon91]

Hi Mark

 

I qualify for legal-aid as i am self employed.

 

My solicitor is very close to me, been involved with my life since birth ( my mothers solicitor )

 

he has dealt with all of my familys cases that we have ever had and therefore i do trust his actions. i do know what his initial plans are:

 

1. sign legal-aid forms etc etc.

2. he will send off a recorded delivery letter to Tia

 

3. if she responds he will then tell me how she responded and what route she asked to take and if agree.. then so we go..

 

4. if not he will then make a application to court and i will sign full legal-aid forms. etc

 

5. if tia does not respond to any of this, as he is highly regarded and now ONLY deals with family law, he will push for full custody as the mother is not putting the childs rights above her own feelings.

 

**

 

i did speak to him briefly and that is his plans in brief.

he said for me to keep trying to contact Tia and of course log this so she may not then turn around to say i didnt bother.

 

I trust my solicitor with my life at the moment

( his colleague recently got me off for a false alegation that would have put me inside for a minimum of 10 years, i had 4 counts too! luckily he was able to prove it was fabricated and then the prosecution admited to the lies - that case took 6 months and was the scariest time of my life! )

 

Take care mark and thanks for your advice, i dont think i will go there but i of course will make sure to stick to what im given in legal advice with regards to calling and logs etc etc.

 

I hope this is resolved sooner rather than later as its hurting me very badly.

 

i forgot to ask aswell ( if you dont mind )

 

You seem to know this situation quite well, have you had the same thing too?

 

thanks again Mark, and also everyone else, its an uphill battle but im going in all guns f****** blazing

 

** EDIT **

 

I have just left, i will get the updates but cant respond until im at a pc, ( cost a bomb on phone internet )

 

I will let you all know asap.

 

thanks guys

[Clabs]

Hi again Leon

 

Well, that is fantastic that you have such a good relationship with your solicitor

 

Do you think that the false allegation case against you could have a bearing on her and her family's cold treatment towards you? Potential for a 10 year stretch sounds like it was pretty serious but I am glad justice shone through in the end.

 

My experience in this was somewhat different to yours in that my children were considerably older than yours (11 and 13). I had what the courts would consider the very bare minimum contact with my children so I realised that I had nothing to lose by making an application to the court - they certainly wouldn't reduce the time! I applied off my own bat without solicitors and this meant that I got to deal directly with my ex's solicitor. It soon became apparent that her solicitor thought she was being pretty darned unreasonable too. Anyhow - she wouldn't back down so we had a date set to be heard in court and she finally agreed the night before the hearing. This also saved me a packet too! But - every case is different!

 

Give us an update when you get back home - ok?

 

Mark

[Leon91]

UPDATE!!

 

saw both my solicitor AND my ex today.

 

she was in one of the worst state i have ever seen, she looked really ill and depressed!!

killed me seeing her so down, she looked like i must have ( although i was all fresh and clean looking for the solicitors )

 

we talked for a bit and she explained how she loves me still and misses me and wants to be a family still.

she said her family are controling her and shes torn in the middle.

 

we aranged to keep custody 50/50 and very regular visits, starting.. TOMORROW

 

my solicitor said this... briefly so i dont bore you all.

 

1. try sorting between you

2. failing that, she will have 7 days to either see you or we will send an aplication to court

 

3. looking at her history and information, she is deffo depressed even boarderline schizophrenia which is bad of course.

 

4. he is not happy the way the baby is being taken from pillar to post left right and centre and said:

 

this is clearly enough, if we can doument this, to support a residence order at my adress!

 

he said she will either conform to the law, the law wont go away, or she will find the bad side of a family court order/judge.

 

made me feel alot more confident and since, tia is now in full contact, even friendly!

 

meeting tomorrow for a days shopping with her and my daughter and i will let you guys know how everything goes..

 

Clabs/Mark, i can NOT thank you enough mate, feels like you guys know me alot more now than i bet 99% of my friends do.

the help,support and advice has been worth its wheight in gold.. ney, platinum!

 

now, im not going to jump any guns, i know this still needs constant work from both sides, im not going to act as though it will be easy, but i certainly walk ( at least at the moment ) with a spring in my step

 

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!

 

i will remain on these forums for aslong as i know how to use a PC!!!

 

Leon!

[Clabs]

Hi Leon!

 

Well that certainly sounds like a very positive step mate

 

It is ALWAYS better if you can sort things out between yourselves. The outcome of court cases in these matters can often be what neither one of you were actually hoping for.

 

But I agree - if there is monkey business, then you will have no option. You need to keep a diary of all this stuff now because if it does all go Pete Tong then you will find it really useful to be able to look back and be able to have your facts right.

 

Just see how it goes mate - and try to relax!

 

Good luck - I am keeping everything crossed for you.

 

Mark

[Leon91]

Hiya again people...

 

well, want some extra news?

 

CHILD NUMBER 2 IS ON THE WAY!

 

shes pregnant again!!

 

dno what to do 1st is only 3 months now lol... im happy and scared and all over again, mann just seems so strange!

 

what do i do.. i dont even know what im asking for but wow.. just yeah

 

again, everyone, THANK YOU 100% FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART!

[iBroken]

Are you sure she is pregnant and not using it as a lie to keep you again?

 

Tread lightly on this one.......

[Leon91]

Are you sure she is pregnant and not using it as a lie to keep you again?

 

Tread lightly on this one.......

 

Saw the test with my own eyes lol, i would have been cautious otherwise

 

2 tests done, both positive saw them both..

 

she is also gonna do another one tomorrow and monday aswell..

[iBroken]

And you are positive that this is your child?

 

Im sorry to raise any Doubt but given the complexity of this situation (her running off and hiding, no contact, hiding your daughter) Id be concerned about whether or not I was the father.....if she was gone for a couple of weeks, is it possible she was with someone else during that time? Before then? See my point?

[Leon91]

from birth until 5 days ago, i have seen her every single day...

i could tell by how she was today that she hasnt been out, i trust her 1000000000% not to cheat, shes never had a bf before me really, and certainly not sexual.

 

as i said im 100% positive its my child, i trust her.

lucky im able to have been with some one so trustworthy like that

[lost soul 666]

Hi leon91!

 

Ive been reading your posts with intrest and it makes me glad that you have got something sorted and i hope the future goes well for you!!

 

it says you are only 18 but reading your posts tells me that you are very mature for your age. you could have done something stupid to make things difficult. but you didnt!!!

 

Be there for your kids in the end.but you dont need me to tell you that!!!

 

I like good news. had a lot of bad news recently!!!

 

LS..666

[1guygirl]

woah....child no 2.....congrats lol... the worst time, sorry the most likely time to get pregnant is right after a baby is born, its like the body is in full baby making mode ...happened to my brother!

 

anyway, i think if she has got post natal depression this is reeeeally bad for her and shes goin thru her own hell that wont make much sense to her let alone you....however, after being forced away from my own new baby girl i know how the anguish is indescribable...and i too am in in process of fighting for custody against my ex ex who is using our daughter to control me and play games (he said she had swine flu and she hadnt, jus to make a scene and get me to run to him)

 

youve got a good solicitor there, so i am sure you will get contact. never play the "you verus them" in court, not at this stage anyway, try and seem to be acomodating and this will be a breath of fresh air to the judge who will see you as a man with a wise head on ya shoulders and hopefully this will stand you in good stead

 

her family sound like s*** if im being honest....remember no matter what they do you are the father, next of kin, not them and all their money. children need love, not always money thrown at them....unfortunately the system is set up to pander to this...as i have seen cases where children get taken into care cos there was no wallpaper on the walls. jus a future note aswell, try keep the ss out of it.

 

ive been on both your ex's and your side of the fence, and neither side is particularly pleasant....i really hope you both can sort something out here

 

all the best