Needing space for exams and interview normal??

[Sugar-Rush]

Hey Guys,

 

I've just had an email this morning from my little sister asking for advice, I'm not really sure what to say so I thought I’d get your views as you are always full of good advise to me.

 

 

Background info: My sister is 25 her b/f is 26 they were together 3 years then split amicably for 4 years and now have been back together 6-8 months. They are happier than ever and he recently has suggested they get a place together.

 

Problem:

 

The b/f is a professional and is currently having to take exams and interviews for the next stage in his career. He's asked her not to contact him for 2 weeks till its all out of the way so he can concentrate. She agreed, however she is devastated. She wanted to be there for him, help him study, be strong for him and so on. He's never asked for space before. They normally talk on a daily basis.

 

She asked me basically, do i think this means anything, is he just stressed and this is his way of coping?

 

Verdict:

 

I don't really know what to say, I know I would be gutted if hubby pushed me away when he needed me most. That said ...hmmmm

 

Ideas??

 

Sugar..Thanks xxx

[d24]

I don't really know what to say, I know I would be gutted if hubby pushed me away when he needed me most.

 

correction:

 

I don't really know what to say, I know I would be gutted if hubby pushed me away when I thought he needed me most.

 

i'd imagine she's just annoyed that he doesn't want her help... and he's just saying he doesn't want any distractions and that he doesn't want help. it's the helping thing which is the problem here.. maybe he never even considered that she could? maybe she should ask him about it?

 

i'd not be concerned if it weren't for TWO WEEKS.

unless this guy is in law, medicine or finance i really cannot see why he'd need two weeks of solid studying?

[_Asti_]

I think its normal. For some, they need to shut off the world and focus. She's a distraction. Sorry to be blunt, but a partner can be a distraction. He's making it clear up front of what his priority is AT THIS TIME. He needs to focus on his studies and get through his exams.

 

I don't see anything wrong here.

She's thinking and assuming he needs support and help, and he doesn't. Thats not how he studies. Thats not how it works for him. This is independent of the relationship, in my eyes, and has nothing to do with her.

 

She needs to accept his desire for space at this time so he can focus. But if she's really that upset, can there not be a compromise of maybe even a phone call at the end of week one to just check in? Its not asking alot. Unless, he works best with no contact. Sometmes reinitiating the contact can make one's mind wander, think of them, etc.

 

He's not pushing her away. He's doing what he can to focus on his studies and get through this.

[Sugar-Rush]

Thanks for the replies, He is in medicine and his exams are pretty major.

My best friend is also a doctor, so I do see the importance of this.

 

Thank you

 

Sugar xx

[Batya33]

I was like that way back when in the 2 weeks prior to major grad school exams but I made sure to keep in touch with my SO to at least a minor extent - definitely checking in for a few minutes every day and I think we saw each other once or twice for a few hours. My guess is your sister might be a needy type who doesn't have the "just for a few minutes" concept down enough so that he is concerned that if she gets him on the phone it will be a 45 minute call and if he tries to cut it short she will get upset/insecure.

 

She does have to understand that often being there for a person and helping them means having the selflessness to give them space.