How stick your foot in your mouth

[jennymonoor]

One more thing.... how can you apologize to someone you love, for acting out of irrationality and saying that you want to end the relationship? See, things were going down and he would NOT contact me to or communicate with me not matter how HARD I tried to communicate with him. given all the exteral circumstances, I was seriously on the verge of going crazy and I emailed him that pursuing a relationship with him was too strenous for me. Long story short, we're talking again but he's devastated that I said I want to end it. I think he's taking it our of context. I mean, I was so hurt that he wouldn't communicate with me, not to mention the possibility that could possible be having a baby together....it was so hard for me to imagine that he could pull this ignoring game if/when we have a baby......his actions were just the tip of the icerberg. Granted they were fueled by my possessive mother who is trying to make his life a living hell, but at least he could have contacted me with whatever news of what she did to him, and not email her back and copy me on the message. I was shocked to hell and back when I got the copy of the message because I had no idea what had happened. Evidently, she got him in trouble at work, never told me and he just disappeared for two days. all of a sudden I got his email and let me tell you that that was a shocker!!!

so he FINALLY told what had happened today, and I feel terrible about my mom being so maliciuos. But what do I do? I can't help it that my moms the way she is and I don't know HOW to apologize about my email telling him i wanted to end it. LORD have mercy. I guess I should really just stick my foot in my mouth next time, because voicing my feelings has caused even more problems.

Any thoughts?

[mermayd]

As stated in my last reply, communicate these feelings to your bf. Apologize and tell him that you will try never to do that again and that you just were not thinking clearly (that is the impression I get from you). Tell him exactly what you have told us, here. That you have no control over your mother, that you acted out of irrationality, that you hope for a long future ahead. But also that you were surprised by his reaction. You are willing to work on your reactions and faults and ask him to work on his. Try not to say that he needs to change...you wouldn't like someone to say that to you. But more that you both have things that you need to work on. Realtionships take work. Nothing comes easy. But with the right amount of negotiation, compromise, and understanding, you will be able to work things out and be happy together.

[Tameran]

Wow! Was that ever bad timing. Having these two completely separate events happen to him in a relatively short amount of time can really have him question the soundness of his own decisions... the very nature of your relationship.

 

I guess the best advice I can deliver is to leave him time to deal, while still keeping a manner of contact with him; even impersonal contact like emails is better than non at all.

 

More importantly, try to understand the shock your love-interest has experienced. From his perspective, the one who was probably the most important person in his life has both rejected his love and stabbed him in the back. I'm certain that by now, you've tried all you can to convince him that you had nothing to do with your mom's actions, so for now, leave him some time. As long as he's aware that you're not behind his getting in trouble at work, the time he spends reflecting on the last few days can only be beneficial.

 

When you're on speaking terms again, try to communicate to him all the things you've told us here. Understanding the reason behind your rash words will go a long way toward healing his recently-inflicted wound. Try to make him understand why you suddenly felt the way you did toward him; make sure to carry the meaning that you're not blaming him for anything. Even if your actions were motivated by his actions, words or attitude, it won't do any good to push any blame on him.

 

Finally, once more, be honest with him. He knows you pretty well by now, so as long as he feels you're being truthful with him and he doesn't get the impression you're screwing with him, there's a good hope.

[Gilgamesh]

Id agree, Please tell you B/F that you miss interpreted his lack of communications with you, and that you love him and your not going to let your mother interfere with your life.

 

You know, if my girl friends mother does something horrible to me like that, Id freak also, I mean how do i tell my girlfriend that her mother is being a real witch? also he may be thinking, this is now, what will she do to me later.

 

He got a double whammy with you breaking up with him, probaly crossed his mind that your mother influenced your decision in that to.

 

You have to make it clear to him that you do love him, that to please not be afraid to tell you what your mother does to him. Feel real lucky if you can make up, If i was him Id be worrying about my future in this relationship.