Thanks to all you of for your great advice. Its amazing how reading different opinions can help put things in perspective. Since I last wrote, many things have happened. First, I am giving myself space from my mother. I need to deal with her actions and I really don't see myself forgiving her for crossing the line anytime soon. Besides, it seems like she tries and harp our "tradition and culture" in my ear everytime she sees me and I don't want myself to be influenced by peer pressure when I know what I'm doing is right, in my heart. There is no doubt in my mind that the guy i've met is "the one," and I decided not to let anyone get in the way, especially when they have no justifiable reason for rejecting. 2) My efforts on the day I left numerous messages on his machine, did not prove uselss afterall. In one of my messages, I told him to stop by my place if he needed to talk. Having not heard from him the whole day, I assumed he wouldn't come over, so I had my girlfriend come over to stay with me that night, I really didn't want to be alone that night, so much had happened. To both of our surprises, he randomly came knocking on the door later in the evening. We didn't get to talk because my friend was there, so we all went to dinner. I think this gave us a chance to just appreciate one anothers company without digging into our problems. He left that night and we met for coffee the next day. Then he opened up and told me how hurt he was by everything, mostly by me when I told him I needed to end the relationship. I've never seen him that emotional before. I felt aweful. I usually don't say things out of irrationality, but that day, there was just so much happening. Not to mention the fact that we've been talking about pregnancy and starting a family together, the thought of having this conversation and becoming pregnant, all to have my mate ignore me when problems arise, was just too much for me to handle. Anyhow, after spending a quiet weekend together and just talking and reflecting, we've decided on strenthening our relationship and taking some serious steps.
He's very open-minded, educated and artistic. He is very confident in his beliefs and does not adhere to dogma, I find this to be one of his most attractive features. I disagree with many elements of my culture, while I agree with others. At this point in my life, others perception of me does not play a significant role in my decision making process. I am learning to make decisions based on what makes ME happy, rather than what is expected of me from my family and middle-eastern circle. Its really hard to go against the grain, but I refuse to conform to a set of out-dated and irrational social laws, that I see as being as nothing more than conventional and obstrusive to my happiness. So what if other middle-easters do things a certain way, this does not make it right. I see my way, though different than their norm, as right, because it makes me happy. So i've decided to pursue my relationship and start a family because I feel ready to. All my life, I've wanted to be a young mom, but these days, it seems like women are discouraged from doing so, as though it will thwart their professional efforts. I see this as a direct outlash of the feminine movement. Anywayz, so I see it as a dual challenge to not only explain this to my family, but to my peers as well, for they are not even remotely interested in starting families because their so absorbed in their careers. I think I can do both, I mean, I've come this far right! Besides, my bf is a huge support.
So here is my dillema: 1) Please please please convince me that it IS ok to have a child and not be married. We know we will be together and hope to get married later on. But we don't see it right to get married JUST because we're having a baby together (if we are). We are not questioning our love or loyalty. 2) When one makes up their mind and they in their heart and mind that it IS the right decision, how do they stand up for what they believe and follow through with their decision, despite the rejections they face from their other loved ones?
Maybe I'm blowing this whole thing our of proportion, I mean, if it makes you happy, you should do it. I'm not doing anything wrong, I mean, I have fallen in love (true love), am mature enough to know it, am independent, the man i love is mature and independent and we want to have a baby. So we're not getting married before having the kid, are we committing a crime here people? I appreciate your great advice in helping me gain perspective on this "modern" relationship. Sorry this note is soo long, I have a lot of my mind!
