Is she my soulmate, so soon after my ex?

[AB38]

OK, here it goes. I am 3 1/2 weeks out of a year long relationship with a woman who was 15 years younger. The relationship ended with us both being comfortable about the parting. Sure, there are some left over feelings, but we both decided that it wouldn't work in the long term.

 

Enter new girl. Thought it was a rebound, but now I am not so sure. We have been seeing each other almost every day and both of us have found an instant connection. It was like she was put on this earth to find me. Is that possible? I know what all of you are thinking, its just a rebound.

 

I thought so at first, but I was able to separate my feelings for my ex and her. When I am with her, all thoughts of my previous relationship disappear. We are so compatible in every way. She said that all of her friends have told her in the past, when you know, you know. And she confessed that to me. And I am feeling that she may be the one.

 

However, She is having a difficult time understanding that I have to completely rid myself of my ex before I can take the relationship to the next level. Needless to say, she is being impatient. She thinks I still have feelings for my ex, and in a way I do, but only as friends. How do I tell her that I want us to grow and at the same time ask her for patience in what I am dealing with?

 

The only feelings I have for my ex are guilt, knowing that I am hurting her. She has had a tough time letting go, even though she knows deep down that we are better off. Is it time for me to take care of me? Once again, need some solid advise.

[Scout]

I don't know if I believe in soul-mates, but I do believe that there are people out there that we get along with exceptionally well. I'm curious if this new girl is also much younger than you. The reason being, most mature people realize that anyone out of a three week relationship is bound to have feelings still for their ex, unless they are a completely insenstive cad who never really cared about them in the first place. I would explain to your new girlfriend that you simply aren't the kind of person who forgets about people you had a loving relationship with, that you've got a lot more substance than someone who could, and she should be relieved and glad you have that quality, rather than feel threatened by it. At the same time, you want to communicate clearly to her that you see your prior relationship wasn't meant to be on many levels, and you have perfectly accepted the fact it's over (if you indeed, have.)

 

It's unrealistic of your new friend to expect otherwise, and she is creating a problem by focusing on your prior relationship, rather than the one you two have now. On the other hand, it's natural that she wants to make sure she's not just a rebound person, so a few questions on her part are certainly ok. Just as long as she's not obsessing on this.

[AB38]

Thanks Scout. The new girl actually called me today and said she understands that I cannot committ myself to her completely yet. She apologized for being insensitive, and that went along way. She has agreed to not pry into my previous relationship and will wait as long as it takes for me to heal. That means spending a little less time together.

 

Yes I did care for my ex, but our relationship had been crumbling for quite some time. For the last six months, it was like we were just friends anyway.

 

I think what are you are saying, indirectly, is take it nice and easy. I think that is the best course of action.

 

Thanks