Guys, what attracts you most to a girl, over another

[brit]

If I have to compete with another girl for my ex, please guys, tell me what traits you find most attractive/appealing in someone - from physical to work-related to emotional. What would get you to think of someone? What kind of phone messages would be provoking to leave, without seeming weird or set-up. How to I get him to think of me when I'm not around?

[Mix Maxster]

Well there are a couple of things.

1) someone who will work hard to keep my love

2) someone who's intelligent and keeps me intellectually stimulated

3) someone who appreciates and respects me and trusts me

4) someone who isn't clingy or desperate

5) someone who isn't a yes person, like agrees with everythign i have to say lol.

 

I mean that's my big list of attraction points for me, those are pretty much at the top of my list, other stuph such as physical attraction i don't worry about until after I get to know the girl. In terms of competition, that's a game you will lose if you think you have ot compete. I dunno what your reasons are for asking what kidn of messages to leave on his voice mail or answering machine or whatever, but I wouldn't do anything lol. Doing nothing speaks louder than anything.

[Mr. Good Man]

Hi Brit,

 

The traits I find attractive are:

 

1. A confident woman

2. A goal-oriented woman

3. An independent woman

4. Someone I can trust

5. Someone I can talk to about anything

6. Beautiful to me (don't care what the world think)

7. Someone funny, sociable, caring and athletic

8. Someone grounded, well-balanced and not materialistic

9. And much, much more!

 

A few things that get me to think of a woman is if she challenges what I think or believe with conviction.

 

Another thing is when the person gets me a gift just because (nothing fancy...could be a key chain).

 

Also, a note stashed in my jacket pocked or a nice sexy erotic message left on my voice mail usually work. It doesn't have to lead to anything. Knowing they thought of me is enough to make my day.

 

The best thing is to identify what he likes and be sincere in giving it to him.

 

No matter what people tell you they want to be appreciated and thought of on a daily basis.

[kungfumaster]

Brit,

 

When a love relationship ends, both dumpees and dumpers (more so for dumpees) are at their lowest point in terms of their self esteem and self worth.

 

Don't worry about what traits you will need to get your ex back, or what you need to do to not push him away, etc. Try instead, to genuinely heal from your break up, i.e., improve yourself, for yourself, not for him.

 

People who have greater self esteem during a break up generally heal faster than those who have a lower self esteem. So, improve those things YOU want to improve in yourself, not because you want to get your ex back.

 

You are fine as you are, but you just don't realize that now because your self esteem has naturally taken a blow because of the break up.

 

Chin up.

Kung fu

[DopeStar]

its not about what you say.......

 

its about what you do and how you do it.

 

Words at this point, in my life atleast, do not mean anything anymore, my GF(if i can still call her that) doesnt seem to show me how she feels about me anymore, she says "i love you" but what the crap does that mean if everything else you do says otherwise. do you know what i mean??

you cant tell me anything you want but im going to believe what i see and love is not a hard feeling to show, its probly harder to not flood someone with it.

 

Also why do you want him back so bad, hes looking at another girl already, doesnt that make you want to scream? Im sure it does, so why not take that anger energy and put it to a better use. use it feel better about being away from him, go out and find yourself, and when you think of him just say to yourself him i dont deserve his crap. go find someone to have some fun with and from thereyou start looking ot settle back into someone but for now you need to reinvent yourself because he left a big image of himself on you.

 

If you really wnat to try and get him back the best thing to do is try to make him jealous. but dont be flagrant about it. be subtle. start hangin out with a lot of guys and show up somewhere that he is at and ignore him, let him come to you, just make sure that you are having fun and not even look in his direction. dont call him after he sees this either, this will give him a good impression that you dont care anymore and that is the part that makes people reconsider things. ever see the movie swingers there is a post to the soundbite somewhere on this forum. you should listen to it.

 

give up, move on, you will be better off and that is the best advice i have for you.

[majord23]

Initially, when meeting someone:

 

1. Looks (there has to be physical attraction)

2. Intelligence

3. Sense of Humour

 

In a relationship:

 

1. Thoughtfulness

2. Sense of Humour

3. Intelligence

4. Integrity

5. Empathy

6. Looks

 

I think there needs to be physical attraction, although I agree that someone can become more physically attractive related to their other attributes....it all depends on if you have the opportunity to discover those attributes (ie meeting someone in a pub/club isn't exactly conducive to it).

 

Looks only go so far.

 

I equate it to comparing a nice painting to a *great* painting. You may have to the most beautiful piece of art hanging on your wall.....but if you aren't able to discover something new about it everytime you look at it, then soon enough you'll become bored with it.....and buy yourself a new picture, with more substance to it.

 

Beauty....beholder, I'm sure you can join the dots

[GeeCee]

I'm with Majord on this one. But I would add sponteneity - not quite knowing what a person is going to do next is very exciting .... except when they dump you!!! Now THAT, is just tedious!!

 

G xx