everything has piled up to this moment. help me please

[dogwood]

i dont know exactly everything i'm feeling right now, but the strongest feeling is loneliness. i have a wonderful girlfriend who i love, but other than her, i have nothing. throughout my life i have had friends here and there, and some of them have been close friends, but the close ones have all ditched me in the end, and the only ones i have left live in other cities. and i dont have the energy to go hang out with the ones im not close to, the acquantainces - it doesnt really make much of a difference anyway when i see them so infrequently.

 

im just tired of trying. the past couple of weeks i've been very distant from my girlfriend and i feel bad, it's having a really bad effect on her. i just dont really know what to do anymore. when i was younger and felt depressed or alone, i was young enough to remedy it with something extreme and impulsive - whether it be going out to a rave to do drugs, have random sex, cut myself, run away, all of the above... i'm stabler, older, and smarter now.. i would even say 'happier' at times - i had a great holidays with my girlfriend and playing music with some "party friends" - but now that school has begun again, it only reinforces how alone i am.

 

i have no friends at school, i live in the heart of downtown, so i feel like i am just floating around in a bubble surrounded by thousands of people with friends, laughing, smiling, going out for drinks.. and whenever i am alone its just becoming harder and harder to take.

 

the thing that makes it even worse, is there is no reason for it. many people have clinical issues, mental disorders, there could be a billion reasons one could isolate themselves from the world, and they would either be fine with it, or they could work on fixing that problem, and feel better. but i am a social, friendly, smart, attractive, funny, person - who is healthy, with no disorders (not full of myself, just trying to be straight forward.. ive always socialized easily and made friends easily) - up until now.. its so hard to make friends in university - and everyone i have talked to has not really clicked with me... ive just given up trying.

 

its the first time ive truly admitted to myself, and the first time its actually felt true - i have no friends. other than my girlfriend, there is nothing keeping me grounded. i feel like if we broke up i would do something really stupid, and fall back into old habits i feel i've long overcome. there is nothing in this city that inspires me, motivates me. its all a giant blur of masses of people who i say nothing to. there's still 2.5 more months of school, and i like school, i am very inspired by my profs and what i am learning, but there's only so much you can do with information. it is only internalizing me further, putting me more in my own head, because i have to spend so much time reading and doing work anyway. with a full course load i dont even have time to make friends if i had the energy to.

 

i just dont know what to do anymore. i've done the rebellious-self-destructive teen thing. i'm a good person. i have a girlfriend who loves me, a family who cares about me. so there should be nothing wrong. but there is. and nobody knows it but her. i dont know what to do. i'm not stupid enough to take drugs or alcohol as a crutch. but i cant take this on and off depression, this isolation. and it's certainly not good for our relationship. should i go on anti-depressants, even when the problem is not biological? i just need to feel happier, so i can have the energy to do my schoolwork and get good grades, because that is what's most important right now. i'm already behind.

 

please help..

[greensleeves]

I know it probably isn't much consolation, but you're not alone in this. I've seen so many threads on these boards by people in college or university who suffer from loneliness, lack of friends and feel overwhelmed by the amount of work that needs to be completed.

 

Are you at U of T or York? Maybe you could try checking out some groups or activities at school and see if you have any interest in joining something? I know that when you feel depressed it's hard to feel motivated, but sometimes you have to push yourself a bit to be social and keep trying until something clicks with you. I know January is kind of blah, but Toronto's a great city with lots to do...may you could try link removed. It sounds cliche, but follow your interests and the friends will follow. As for the anti depressants a doctor would be the best person to determine if you need them or not, but exercise can be just as beneficial. Even a twenty minute walk outdoors a few times a week can give you alot more energy.

[bgoldstein]

I know this is going to sound stupid but read me out (?). I am close to 30, but when I was 21 I felt very much like you did. I lived in NYC and felt like I was alone in a city of millions of smiling, happy, well-adjusted people. I have had the feeling cycle in and out throughout my 20s.

 

When I was 24, I moved to Austin. A new city, new people, hardly anyone here knew me. It was really hard for me to make friends. Consider yourself lucky that you are still in school and have the advantage of having people forced into the same room as you for hours at a time =) It's exponentially harder once you leave. Just sayin...

 

Anyway, like I said, this is going to sound stupid and vapid, but one thing that really helped me to become more social and actually connect with people were these podcasts called "The Pickup Podcast". link removed

 

At first glance you might say "that's about pickup and game with chicks" and well, ultimately, it is, but there is an intense focus on your inner self and how you project that out to the people that you interact with. The things that they talk about during these podcasts can be applied to men and women just the same.

 

When I was in your situation, I thought the idea was dumb, but I had nothing else to loose.

[lostlost88]

i know exactly how you feel because in fact im in a v similar situation. perhaps worse because the one person who i thort understood me, loved and cared for me the most has most recently ended our rship. My friends, jsut like you live out of my city, those who are here I cba with because theres no one really i have found that i click with either. My family are not v close to me either so really, i don;t have a single person to fall back on apart from facebook hi bye friends at the moment. I've been so depressed lately, to the point of suicide... but i'm picking myself up and instead taking this time being single, to really try even harder to find that group of friends that i need to make me feel energised and happy to be around. I'm dragging myself to the gym regularly which i know helps me feel energised and gets me buzzin... and meeting people then will not seem such a chore. Find out what it is that will get you buzzin (that is also safe!! ie. no drugs) and try again each time you fail!!thats what we all have to do in life unfortunately... I'm glad i;ve heard ur story because i knw i'm not the only one like this. But it doesn't have to be like this forever rmb... ur future is as happy as u make it!! and u have a gf... so make it happier for both of u n dnt give up trying!!good luck, i hope ive helped. Its sure helped me typing this out to u n letting my feelings go too... thanks =) let me know how you get on x