i thought i loved my boyfriend....but flirting is so much fu

[deviousj420]

wow - i never thougt i would be writing about this because i thought i was so in love with my boyfriend.....till my coworker and i started flirting alot, going out to lunch during the day, the shore this past saturday and have plans this thursday nyte and sunday day. Im really happy with my boyfriend though my coworker isnt as happy as he could be with his wife.

yea.... hes married.

and im dating.

yet we still flirt heavily and its fun - i mean im holding myself back from cheating - i dont want to mess with a married man and i sure dont want to jepordize my current relationship - but...... even thought its harmless flirting (well maybe not so harmless) - i remember the days when flirting was fun! should i back away? and not hang out with him outside of work - hes 27 with a son and married , im 22 and dating. hes fun to chill with and the flirting is okay cuz its just a naturaul and healthy thing but its becoming so strong that sometimes i just want to jump his bones. but control wont let me. enless we both end our current relantionships and begin one of our own nothing sexual will happen. i dont think. so what do i do? stay away, keep my control and still chill, or....?

help!

[vitalcoaching]

Have you ever been on a cliff next to the sea?

 

The way to approach the cliff is by taking very small steps and come closer and closer. You usually get a waring sign: "Now it starts become dangerous..." Take it one step further and you could put your life in danger.

 

That's what i recognize in your situation, There is thrill, excitement and so on. Congratulations by the way. Looks like a beautiful love story.

 

As you say: for you right now, it is still on the edge of innocense. It is playful and fun and "your are not doing anything wrong", right?

 

Move one step further and everything shifts. Feelings of guilt, tensions, jealousy... The whole drama!

 

From fun, you can turn this whole story into a lot of pain for everyone. Is it worth is? I would say it is, if you both know you want to spend the rest of your life together and he is ready to divorce and start all over with you.

 

If this is not where you are going, then here is a little trick: take it to the edge but don't jump.

 

When you feel ready to jump, leave, go to your present boy friend and give him your passion. Don't give yourself to your flirt, give yourself to your bf.

 

Passion, fun and excitement are life fuel. They are what feeds your day. It's a petty to kill them when they wake up. Now there is a way for not getting burned by it. What you call your control is what keeps you "on track".

 

Seems you know all the right moves!

 

Francisco

 

PS: feel free toget in touch directly fi you need extra support or ideas with that email removed

[bzborow1]

I'm not exactly sure but it sounds like the previous poster would suggest you flirt til you're turned on by the new guy and go back and take it out on your bf, so to speak. I cannot disagree more, that would be just as bad as cheating in my books. "oh hunny, he turns me on but i'll do the act with you". That is completely irrational, not to mention deceitful. You deserve better than that kind of behavior, and so does your BF.

 

IMO I think the games should stop here. Either you choose to pursue the married man, likely to no avail in the end, you choose to stay with your bf, or you choose to let both go because you want to be single. Obviously no one here is going to tell you what to do, but I must warn you that if you don't make a clear-cut decision this will blow up in your face. Of course, what fun would that be if it's not "secretly running around" behind someone's back right?

[Michael2]

What you are doing is wrong period.

 

THis will, and I guarantee it, turn into something completely disrespectful in nature.

 

I suggest you think about others instead of yourself.

 

WHen you end up being intimate with this married man, because you know it will happen, I suggest you break things off with your boyfriend before this occurs.

 

When this happens it will circulate around the office quicker then the Paris Hilton video. Do want to be known as home wrecker, you know better.

 

Vital coaching brings up a good point. But it does not apply to this situation at all. You are playing with fire, unfortunately you arent the one that will get burned. Instead it will be your boyfriend, the future adulteres wife, and his poor child.

 

I am glad you are on this board, hopefully my post opened your eyes to reality.

[wild_flower]

I understand where you are coming from, I was in the same situation as you are. We flirted for the longest time. I thought it was all fun and nothing would ever come of it, well I was wrong. One day at work I was leaving and he pulled me close to him and gave me a kiss and within a week or two we were intimate. I agree that if you continue with the flirtation it will lead you down a path that you may or may not want to go down, you need to think about that. You may be just experiencing the excitement of someone new paying attention to you and the fact that he does flirt with you. You need to examine your true feelings for your BF and if you find that there are no feelings for him then he deserves to be let go and be free to find someone who will love him. If you do love him than you need to stop all contact with your co worker and focus on "flirting" with your bf.

Yes, I agree the flirtation is fun but the aftermath is not. Just take care of you and be careful, cause it is not just your personal life but your professional life as well, it could lead to you losing your job. I hope this helps.

[Outlaw2747]

That's the type of stuff that pisses me off. I don't want to sound like a dick but really, this is what makes these guys go bad. A little flirting is fine (even though I rarely do it) but once you get into some guy you think is cool and whatever, it is hard to let go I'm sure. You really should have thought about it before you became committed to your boyfriend. He seems to be a nice guy and you actually debating on throwing him away? Are you crazy? As much as you women complain about not enough good guys out there, you are confused about keeping your man (in which you have not complained about yet) and this new guy; whether he's a good guy or not. This should be a no brainer, stay with your boyfriend if he's a good man. It's okay to stay friends with your flirt but damn, you want more heartbroken, sad, and vengeful guys walking this earth? Look before you leap, seriously......I know if I was happy with my girl and she decides to mess around with some new guy, I'd be one bitter person. Slow down, and recollect your thoughts.....is it worth it? Think before you act.

[Michael2]

I have a feeling we will see her in the future. She will be on these boards asking us how she can win her boyfriend back after cheating on him and then dumping him.

[Outlaw2747]

That's a good prediction man! I would not be surprised. Or she might come back complaining about why he is being such a stick in the mud and I'm gonna say GEE I WONDER WHY!!!! Or if she does what you said she would do, I'm just going to give her the I TOLD YOU SO treatment because she is doing that poor dude wrong. Keep your eyes open!

[deviousj420]

ok well guys - i thought about it and i dont want to jepordize my relantionship with my BF - tho it was in jeporady this past weekend....see my latest post - anyways, flirting is fine to an extent but i will not let it overcome me in any physical form. i thank you al for taking the time to write and voice your opinons. thought i amonly young once n shuld use what i got while i got it. eventualy that will go away but my man will be there long after....... stability is better then uncertianty.... even if uncertainty seems to be funner at times.....right?

[Derek]

There is fun...

but when there is other people, especially children involved, you can't contain the fallout and it's not "fun" anymore.

 

and when it comes to affairs, there is always other people involved.

 

Something like 1% of affairs actually result in the two people leaving their other partners, getting married and staying together.

 

Most end after a short time (6 months)... usually after the lovers go beyond fantasy land into the real world relationship and see that their lover has just as many failings as their other partner.

People tend to have affairs because they find an unfulfilled need met through another person. Sometime for romance and affection (woman) or sex (men).

 

Instead of trying to work through problems, people throwaway relationships in the false hope that the grass is greener on the other side.

 

Ask yourself what your boyfriend is not providing you that you need,

then talk to him and give him the chance to provide it.

 

 

And flirt with the single guys at work or the gym instead...