Issues with GF

[smiles21]

Hi Everyone,

 

It's nice to have this site where we can come and vent and get a true outsiders opinion on things. With that said, I want to talk a little about how I've been feeling lately with my girlfriend.

 

Little backlog, we have been dating for almost three years now. She is 22. I am 26. Things have been great for the past 3 years. We get along great, she lives in the house I purchased two years ago. She goes to college and is graduating in May, and works at night. I work the 8-5 job which I'm trying to change careers right now (Police). We usually see each-other at nights, for a couple hours then go to bed. We are both very faithful, and would not cheat. She is very sexual, as am I.

 

We do a lot together, I basically feel like we have reached "that step" and I have seriously been debating picking out a ring and proposing to her. BUT As of lately I have noticed she has been acting a little differently lately and something just seemed off. . So last night in bed she brought up about how sometimes she sees me as a like a friend, and not a boyfriend. This REALLY bothered me, I did not get angry or anything I was just puzzled a bit. She said that she loves me very much, and is in love with me. I told her if she wants to be with someone else, or isn’t happy I understand and that we need to split. She said there is no-one else, and that this is just how she feels sometimes.

 

She is on college break now staying at our home during the day alone, and her friends are all working 8-5 jobs. I think she feels lonely and is constantly around her "restaurant friends" at night and they all go out and get drinks after work and party a bit. I think she feels like is missing out on that portion of her life. We do go out on the weekends with friends and drink and have fun. I don’t want to portray that we are homebodies or anything, but M-TH typically I don’t want to go out and party late because I have to be at work at 8am.

 

She asks me sometimes if I want to marry her, and I say yes I do someday. Asks If I want to have children, and of course I do. I want her to graduate school and then find a job before we get anymore serious. Especially after last nights conversation. This morning she woke up and told me to forget about last night and texted me to have a good day and that she loved me. How can her feelings bounce so much around??? Maybe she is at a weird point in her life realizing she is graduating soon and is going to be entering the real world?

 

Typically in the past her boyfriends have been flighty types, no stability or real job.(She also has dated consecutively since she was 15 or so) Now with me I feel she may be bored? Maybe passion is lacking? I’m not sure what to do as I truly love her and have contemplated going to look for a ring but don’t want to make a mistake. How can she say sometimes she sees me as a friend, then says she wants to marry me? Yes I understand we’re young, she is younger than I but I’ll be 27, and she will be 23 and I feel like I’m reaching the point in my life. I do not really mention marriage ever to her, it just ponders in the back of my head. I have never felt this way about a girlfriend.

 

Is she bored of us? Does she want to live the single party life? She knows I will not wait for her if she was to leave, and maybe she doesn’t want to make that choice.

 

Thanks for listening to my rant.

[DiddyKong]

Maybe when she means she sees you as a friend sometimes she means that you make her feel confortable...your soulmate should be your bestfriend anyways right? She may be getting bored...or she may not be. Maybe she is just getting impatient on waiting for you to ask her to marry you.

[DN]

I think you should ask her what she did mean by that as you don't see the relationship moving forward if she really sees you as just a friend, because even if that is a temporary feeling it could easily become permanent.

[smiles21]

I think you should ask her what she did mean by that as you don't see the relationship moving forward if she really sees you as just a friend, because even if that is a temporary feeling it could easily become permanent.

 

I did ask her that question. I didn't really get any kind of straight answer. I did say that I didn't think we could move forward with you having those feelings.

 

I honestly think she's in a weird place right now, she will be graduating and entering the business world and I dont think she wants that freedom of doing whatever she wants to end. (Dont get me wrong, she is responsible and pays her own bills on time, but not everything is a fairyland). She is very go with the flow attidude, and I feel if she didn't want to be there she would pack up and go in a second.

[smiles21]

Maybe when she means she sees you as a friend sometimes she means that you make her feel confortable...your soulmate should be your bestfriend anyways right? She may be getting bored...or she may not be. Maybe she is just getting impatient on waiting for you to ask her to marry you.

 

I think I make her feel TOO comfortable. I am very honest, loyal and trusting. Maybe I seem too easy for her.

 

I thought these were qualities women liked!?

 

OK, lets say I ask her to marry me. Then what? What REALLY changes in the whole grand scheme of things? We already live together, she will just get a ring.

[DN]

Well, I would ask for a straight answer.

[smiles21]

DN. I actually posted about her saying I was the "safe choice" about a year ago.

 

 

[DN]

I saw that and wondered whether to bring it up - did she ever explain that?

 

There are a number of possibilities of what she wants now ranging from wanting to break-up to wanting a proposal - and unless you can get her to talk candidly you will be operating on guesswork.

[smiles21]

I saw that and wondered whether to bring it up - did she ever explain that?

 

There are a number of possibilities of what she wants now ranging from wanting to break-up to wanting a proposal - and unless you can get her to talk candidly you will be operating on guesswork.

 

DN: She never really explained that. It wasn't mentioned again.

 

IMO, a proposal should be for someone you have no questions about the future with. Everyone once in awhile my GF (we will call her Beth) has these feelings.

 

Now I understand everyone has feelings, that's normal. And after time, relationships can dull a bit. It's never like it was the first few months.

 

I also want to point out we dont ever fight. We dont have arguments or anything like that. I think it's because I'm very level headed. I think very logically. Maybe I should try to inject some passion back into our relationship? I truly do love her, but I want someone to care about me the same way I care about them.

 

Thank's again everyone for the input, it's apreciated to get an outside perspective.