Irony is delicious

[Mix Maxster]

Hey all,

 

I was watching this movie last night on Showcase and it REALLY sank in to me. There was this guy who had been dating this girl for 6 years and she ends up leaving him for someone else. He of course beats himself over it and does all the wrong things like phones constantly and blames himself and such and all his friends are just trying to help him cope and get him to understand it. I mean ok for all of you out there that say "that's hollywood, not real life." well why would they make a movie that people couldn't relate to or understand? Do they not get these ideas off of everyday life and of the vast knowledge of relationships? I mean they do a damn good job sometimes of making a lot of sense. Anyways, so this movie was exactly what I needed to say as it really made me take another look at my ex and in fact I don't want her back. Basically this guy who was dumped had spent like 6 months pining over it and beating himself over it and all his friends are trying to tell him how great he is and how he will be able to get over it and find someone better because they went through it all. He tried to get it and understand it, but they let him figure it all out on his own. The line that really sank in for me was "They always seem to try and contact you when they know you've forgotten about them. I mean when you don't move on and keep thinking about them, it's as if they know you're doing it and so they won't call, but the minute you've moved on and forgotten about them they call." or it was something VERY similar to that, hey it was 5am and I was tired I'm surprised I remembered anything lol. So ya everything his friends said started sinking in and then he found himself no longer thinking about the ex, but then he went two steps back again and stayed in his apartment for 2 days not eating.

 

Then he said something else, (this may not be 100% accurate, but it is very close to it) "it gets better man. I mean eventually you don't have to think about it anymore, but for the first long while it's hard getting over the loss. That's what it is man, you miss the life you had with them. Then when you've forgotten about them, you miss the pain that it caused because it was something you were living with for so long that you miss that too. You know I came down here thinking that I could stand a chance at making it because I was hearing about how good you were doing, I mean take a look outside man it's sunny pretty much every day here and if you tell me your life sucks, well than that means my life is a POS."

So those were the two parts that really sank in for me, I don't know exactly why, but it was truly a good movie for me to watch and I almost find it ironic how it came at that period of time. Then came the end of the movie, where the guy who had been pining over the loss of his ex, and his ex ends up calling him and telling him everything he would have WANTED TO hear like 6 months ago, but she ended up calling when he had moved on. She told him how she had been thinking about them and wanted to spend some time talking to him before she left for a week. He said well I actually have to go, but she was surprised and wanted to talk to him, but he said he'd just call her back when she got back from where she was going. But he never did call her and his friend asked him why, he was like "why man, why didn't you call her back?" and that's how the movie ended. To me that was like f***** A. So in all of that talking I hope it did something for someone else out there and I can see that as soon as I have moved on and forgotten about my ex, that she will talk to me trying to get back together but I'll have moved on and no longer will care for what she has to say. I know it sounds rough, but now I think I am better without her and if she calls me in the end she's going to have to prove herself worthy to me dammit lol. And you know the funnny thing? Something like that already happened today, I was hoping my ex's mom would e-mail me back for the chat I had with her but since I was constantly checking I never got anything. Then today I was just checkign to see if I got any replies from the post I had made (I didn't even think about the reply at all) and the first thing at the top of the page was an e-mail from my ex's mom. Go figure eh?

[disEnchantid]

that sounds like Swingers to me. A definite must-rent for anyone dealing with a bad break up. I ordered it on line really cheap and watched it practically every night for a week or two.

[NightLily]

That movie sounds increadibly true and increadibly awsome. Funny thing is, that very thing is nearly always what happens. Right now, I am pretty much at the same place you are Mix Maxster. Possibly more "moved on" from my ex. But, the basic same thing happened to me as well. It felt like I could never get over it but somehow, I am. It is almost as if the whole time we dated, was only a dream. Just shows how disconnected I have become from the whole mess. heh.

 

Anyways, sweet movie.

[kungfumaster]

Yah - I saw Swingers last night on Showcase too. I know eh - it was perfect timing. You know what - if everyone had friends like his after a break up, we would all be fine. I mean, they really tried to make their friend feel better by gettting him out all the time even if he didn't want to. That's what we all need sometimes after a break up - a good kick in the gluteus maximus to get us out of our grief cycle. Now those are good friends I'll tell you.

 

Kung fu

[DragonGirl724]

weird...am i not thinkin of the same movie....isnt Swingers about those 2 guys who gamble & end up in Vegas w/ girls in their trailer & they like dotn know what to do with them...??? funny A** flick!!!! hahaha i dont remember the story line...is this the same movie???

 

-DG724

[kungfumaster]

Hey DG - yah, its the same movie. Yes, the Las Vegas thing was there too. I think its a movie about how guys help each other out after a break up - that is, if your guy friends are like "swingers" too. I remember during my first break up, my best friend was basically like Vince Vaughn - he basically got me out every night, trying to hook me up with a girl so that I could "heal" faster. I had to say, it worked, although I didn't hook up with anyone. I did that on my own leisurely/slow time, but it was fun while it lasted.

[DragonGirl724]

ugh my ex better not be hookin up!!! he promised me he isnt out to find girls...grrrr his friends r cool w/ me so id hope they dont do that & my ex isnt the type to hook up anyway...but damn got to say kungfu u had me frightened...*no further comments on that* lol

 

-DG724

[bamster]

u all probably don't know me, I used to visit this website about 3 months ago and still visit it from time to time because its full of good advice.

I've also watched Swingers and it tells the truth I tell ya!

My ex broke up with me about 3 months ago after a 2,5 years together. It was both our fault but I was hurt more because I was the one who was dumped. Anyway, I loved her to pieces(and still do but in a different way) and tryied everything to get her back but there was no repsonce. Meanwhile I was studying away from home in a different country so it was tough as most of my good friends where back home. And since I'd been for such a long time in a relationship I had the impression that me and my friends were sort of loosing touch and that really sucked. But that happens when you give your 100% for a relationship.

Anyway I was really bad for about 2 months and felt terrible. Around this time I found out from my ex that she has found someone else already, someone she knew for a while. This of course was the final blow. I felt like s***, it was really bad and there was practically noone around me to help me through it. When I fianlly got back to my home country I didint expect things to get better as I had lost touch with my good friends alot. But still we hanged out and I told them my situation and you know what? They acted exactly like those ones in the movie. Like I hadn't been away all this time and things where like the good ol days with my mates. The lifted me up just at the point where I was ready to break down. Truly REAL friends (3 of them).

Anyway I was still thinking about my ex but was getting better but I needed something to distract me a bit. Well about three weeks ago I had a nice experience with a lovely girl which although it didint mean much, it certainly helped my ego tremendously. For the first time in along time I woke up thinking of the new girl instead of the ex! Anyway the funny thing is that after that I would think less and less about my ex until about a week ago she phones me out of the blue!?! And guess what? She said she wants to catch up and meet with me and blah blah blah... hahaha. If only she had said all that 2 months ago, if only! I told her that there is no point in us meeting, as it wouldnt help me and wouldnt lead anywhere. You cant imagine how good that felt!!! Oh, by the way she told me that she broke up with the new guy, hahaha! I felt like I was in control once again and left it at : we'll see in the future but not now... and havent spoken to her since and I'm not planning to either! Its over baby!

 

Anyway the purpose of my story?

1. Keep your real friends close as you never know when you might need the or when they might need you.

2. It seems that an ex will call when you have started to get over her or him.

 

Cheers.

[disEnchantid]

hey bamster!

What a great post! You're my new hero! thanks for such a great story

[Mix Maxster]

It's just like the movie man. THEY always seem to want to contact us and get back together when it's too late for them lol. It isn't always too late for them, but it would seem the continuing trait is for them to contact us after we've moved on and have gone through it all. I think that in the end of that movie he didn't phone because he just didn't think about it and didn't need to. I mean his ex was in the past and that's all that mattered. That's kind of where I am now, I'm at that stage now where I see how great I am, where I can see how far I've come and what I've accomplished. I've truly changed for the better and that didn't come without going through s*** first. I mean really I built myself back up again and people around me are noticing it and are truly happy for me. Then there's my ex, the same old girl who's getting herself into trouble. If she's not careful she's going to end up getting herself further down the rabbit hole and I can't save her from that. I just hope for her sake htat she doesn't get turned into an immature girl who ends up losing herself and becoming someone she would hate. I have that advantage now where I'm becoming mature and becoming a great person and it was ALL HER DOING TOO lol I mean eventhough she put me through hell, I wouldn't be the guy I am now if it wasn't for that.

 

SO in the end, she would have to DAMN WELL prove to me why she wants me back and she better have grown up or I won't even consider it. Hell, that's if I'm that nice. Who knows I may even not care when that time comes, but I dunno as my love for her is the kind that hopes she becomes a better person like me in the end.

[fantasia2004]

I can relate to mix masters last post, But I know some of these problems or scenarios would probably never happen to me, but I know I am not alone.

 

I will rent swingers the movie simply because many people have advised me to watch it , and so I will and laugh hard at it. Especially when I have reached my 6 month mark of getting over my ex. Hard but true the movie or plot ex-lains me to a " t"

 

fantasia

[roark1216]

Ladies and Gentlemen, I will verify the truth in the, "they always come back when it's (maybe) too late" category. I received an email moments ago from my ex after not having heard anything for about a month (I am not going to tell the six month tale, not relevant anymore) and it seems as though she's hit the wall and suddenly is making open overtures to getting back.

 

But I am seriously at the point now where I don't know if I want to take any steps. Truth be known, 50% is that I am gun-shy at the moment, the other 50% is that I've seen how far I've come and it seems to me like I have fought the Battle of the Bulge singlehanded and gawddammed - I AM PROUD OF MYSELF!

[fantasia2004]

Like I said the post opens up for discussion yet I hardly believe they will ever come back.

 

The exes that is

 

 

I feel feisty for some martial arts KILL Bill 2 got me started on a new path of fun and excitement

[Mix Maxster]

Well not to be conceited or sound so self-absorbed or what have you, but now I feel like I can have any woman I want, if I set my mind to it. I mean it doesn't mean they're going to be attracted to me nor does it mean I will remain attracted to them, but it means that now I see relationships in a new shade of light and I KNOW I could go out and have fun and do whatever the $*&% I wanted! It's kind of a neat feeling being able to let loose and do anything you want to without worrying aobut what the ex would think, afterall they're the poor suckers that dumped our ***es anyways!

 

That's where I think the advantage point is, I just find it funny how they scrutinize our efforts now because they won't accept any change in you because it can't just happen like that. Afterall they dumped you because they were unsure of what was out there, that maybe there was someone better and that they were resenting some things about us. I mean really that's pretty low and that's the reason for my ex leaving, which is why I say if she comes crawling back she better have matured, understood the pain she put me through, lose some of that stubborn-headedness she has and I just damn well hope she grows up and APPRECIATES what she has dammit lol. So really generally I think SHE got lucky because if I wanted her back just because I missed her then eventually I know I would get over her and no longer need her, but it's the fact that me and her are so similar yet different that it would be damn hard to be able to find someone quite like her. I mean really it's easier to just find someone than it is to find someone who truly "works" in the long run. The fact that me and my ex loved a lot of the same things and the way we talked was very similar and our dreams and aspirations were very similar. I mean even our favorite colours, soft drinks and alcoholic drinks were the same lol. Now that sounds silly, I know, but it's the similarities and personalities and understandings we both have that I feel make it work in the long run. Unfortunately she has to get past that whole "if you tell me not to do somethign I'm going to do it anyways!" and "so what? if you try to keep me from doing something or if you take away things, i'm just going to find another way to get around it or I will do what I have to, to get out." (in reference to her views on curfews and her parents). So she has a lot of growing up to do and she has a lot to appreciate in life as she hasn't had to go through life with divorced parents, never seeing your dad, having all this crap go on throughout the household, having a mom that thinks you should be sanctioned off from the rest of the world and could only amount to jobs you can get without a highschool education. I mean that is rough, no kid should endure a hard life and she doesn't appreciate the very good life she has.

 

So in all that ranting, she has a damn lot to change herself and I don't want her coming back into the relationship being all immature or stubborn still, or closed and feeling like she can walk all over me because honestly I wouldn't want her back AT ALL. So really I hope she learns and grows up, I damn well hope she does for my sake, for her parents sake and for her sake. In the end, I konw what I did wrong and that's something I have to live with and prove to try hard never to do that same stuph again. She will also have to prove to me how much she wants it to work, why she wants it to work, and what SHE'S going to do to make it work. That is truly the only way it would work. Only with a LOT of time and energy, I jsut hope that if she wants it to work that she understand it will take a lot of time and it won't come easy. Really if she wants back, we essentially would have the rest of our lives to make it up to each other and that's a long time to take it slow Assuming of course that she goes through such a huge metamorphical change, it's not unrealistic if one believes, but nothing will happen over the course of a month. Let's hope for her sake that she truly realizes what she has lost because truly I don't want to sound conceited, but I want to believe I've learned a lot and have matured a lot and have grown up a lot more then I could have. I feel like I'm starting to become more of a mature guy and I feel more prepared for what life has to offer me. I finally appreciate and love my life and myself, but it didn't come without a price.

[dikaia880]

I'm going to have to rent Swingers tonight...I've seen it before, but I think i missed the point of it!

As far as the exes coming back, mine came back after a month and a half or so after I ran into her in an odd way (long story, but it shocked her to see me) she emailed me a couple days later telling me she hadn't moved on and all this and that...I emailed her back and said I'd like to get back together and ended up blowing it...I should have acted differently to it...more like why should I take you back....well things went cold again I started to move on a little and she did it all again....well now it's five months since the break up and she's alll I think about (I mean constantly, night and day) She managed to drive all this hope into me, like tempering steel....it's so much harder to let go...I move back to her town in 2 and a half months and I have no clue what will happen...what if right away she wants to get back? what do i do...what if I move back and we barely see each other? It's been two weeks since I've seen her and in the past five weeks we've talked on the phone only a couple minutes...it hurts that she doesn't call like she used to (after the break)

 

Well anyways, they do come back (after serious relationships mostly) not everytime, but I think a large percentage do at some point show regret or such and it's all about how we play it...do we push them away or do we pull them towards us by not caring? do we do what they've done to us (rejection) causing them to feel the loss and get attached like we've been? I wish I had done that....I should have asked her why she thought she even deserved to tell me she hadn't moved on...I wish after I realised that she can put her feelings out there all she wants without me getting upset at her, but I can't say a word about "us" without her getting pissed...I wish I could have put her in her place "you have no right to tell me how you feel, you left me, if you still have feelings for me don't tell me, show me..."

 

Oh Well, I'm going to start a new thread to vent on! Bamster, it's good to see your name again, and that your doing well!

[Mix Maxster]

Raider just made a post recently that has a clip from the movie I was talkign about. I found it funny how he managed to find a clip like that. Anyways, but ya I see exactly what the guy was saying now with that. In that really our only choices right now is to just truly forget about our exes and move on without them, it's not like giving up really unless we don't take them back when they try and come back. Like the guy said, really the only difference between giving up and not giving up is if we choose not to take them back when they come back. I mean really it's hard to say right now if I truly would, I mean I'm trying to forget and move on, but at the same time my dreams are still plagued with thoughts of my ex. I jsut hope that, like mike, I will eventually start thinking less and less of my ex and truly move on. It's not that I really wanted that, but what else can I do? I mean I would love ot be with her and all, but she didn't want to be with me and that's the point. So unfortunately I'm without her for either good or for the time being (however long that is). Like the guy in the movie I tried to beg and plead for my ex back, the more I did that the more she went out and partied and came back at like 3 am and started acting like an immature *****. That movie was a great one, I would recommend it. Although there wasn't so much being said every second, but still all his friends were trying to give him hints and were trying to help him get past all of it because he would take one step forward and then two steps back, like just when he was doing good he'd end up going back to the way he was before. Then after a while it sank in for him, but damn I hope I get to the point Mike ended up getting to in the end. I really want to get past this as I am trying to be truly productive, but unfortunately all my friends are like miles away and they don't want to come down here. I'm alone in all of this as my friends will talk to me, but they don't want to go anywhere or do anything. I mean they'll make excuses not to come over here, but will do things with each other. I mean dammit I wish I had friends like Mike did, maybe it would make this all the more easier to move on.