Reasons we DON'T want them back...

[ElizaLibbyBeth]

There are soooo many posts on here about about will he call, won't he call, how do I get him back, how do I move on...which are all soooo normal and part of the process (I think), but why not list the reasone we shouldn't want them back...and revisit it when we feel weak and sad??? I dont know, just an idea...

 

GOD, this list could be loong...

 

1. I could never turn to him with any problem or stress of any sort

 

2. He couldn't ever handle real life...all about the good times only

 

3. He is extremely selfish

 

4. When I got into a very bad car accident and kept trying to call him...he got mad because I woke him from a nap...didn't ask if me and my daughter were ok...and was angry he had to come and get us...

 

5. Left me at a bar on my birthday

 

6. Stayed out all night (when we first started dating) partying when the next day we were supposed to be at my sisters for Easter dinner...on Easter didn't call me, and when he did answer he was eating something he made himself and said he didn't think he was going to be able to make it...

 

7. Came home with herpes when I was 8 months pregnant...thank god I didn't get it, but still...piece of sh**!

 

8. Constantly told me to shut the f**k up and called me names...

 

9. LIED constantly...about soooo much

 

10. treated me les that good when I was pregnant with our son

 

11. Stayed out at the bar after work with a female co-worker, never called to tell me...and didn't answer his phone when I would call to see where he was

 

12. Had to creep around the house in the morning to get ready for clinical and if I woke him by accident would get a nasty text on my way into the hospital

 

13. Unsupportive/uncaring about my schooling

 

14. Got an apartment behind my back and started to furnish it so he could be all set up when he left me

 

15. Split everything financially 50/50...wouldn't ever give a penny more...I am a student and broke

 

16. Had NO relationship with my daughter...she never liked him...he wasn't mean or bad to her....just no relationship

 

17. I was always the one to walk on eggshells and to try to communicate, or try to make him laugh or smile...never reciprocated...

 

I could go on and on...and I am sure I will add more as I go...but the point is...WHY in the hell would I want to be with this??? Just reminding myself...

[Odwallajuice]

That's so unbelievably sad. I would never treat my girlfriend like that. I love her so much. I hope you find someone good in the future.

[Hopeless1234]

when i read these kind of posts, i tell myself that i wasn't really a bad boyfriend. of course, i made my share of mistakes, but nothing as flagrantly wrong as the ones listed above. despite it all, i'm where i am now. i don't know if i should be glad that i'm not as bad as some guys out there or if i should be depressed that despite being my ex's "best boyfriend ever", i'm still not good enough apparently for my ex.

[pacopaco]

1. cheating

2. lying

3. never owning what she did after i took her back and continuing with the same party attitude.

4. saying things to me like "why do I have to invite you anywhere.

5.saying tom "get over it."

6. not being able to do anything myself like call the Dept. of Water/power when her lights went out, but getting mad at me because i didn't.

 

I too can go on and on, but I hope you heal well.

[fLuiD]

i don't know if i should be glad that i'm not as bad as some guys out there or if i should be depressed that despite being my ex's "best boyfriend ever", i'm still not good enough apparently for my ex.

 

I know what that's like!

[missa_bee]

Honey I'm so sorry he treated you like s***! I hope you realize that you are a better woman without him, the herpes thing UGH what a disgusting creep!!!! Everything you have listed makes my skin crawl. Stay strong, you have a beautiful little girl to take care of.

 

You asked why we don't want them back?

1. He was so selfish. Everything was about him!

2. He never had a relationship with my parents, and I was constantly at his house.

3. He just was not emotionally supportive, I am very sensitive and the more I cried the more he yelled

4. His temper was awful. Just awful, he had a split personality I swear. He would call me names, and I would have to walk on eggshells to please him

5. I HATED his friends. I tried and tried, but they were just so mean to me

6. I was constantly worried about breaking up, and he would always threaten me with it. Always "had to think" about things. Now that we are done, he has nothing more to threaten me with. Except maybe hooking up with someone else.

7. He wouldn't lie per se, but he would just stay silent and wouldn't tell me certain things which in my eyes equals lying!

8. He was obsessed with pornography, which made me feel awful

9. He couldn't handle any emotion from me, except happiness

10. I loved him way more than he loved me

 

But despite all this, there are so many good qualities...but after what happened today I don't know anymore. He totally broke my trust.

[j_cali_man]

Yea,

 

My jaw hit the floor seeing how just plain nasty that ex was. Unbelievable.

 

J

[WomanWriter]

I've made so many of these lists and they haven't helped me in the past, to be honest. All they do is make me feel guilty because there were a lot of things I DID like about him and those would just come to the surface whenever I'd try to focus on the (many but not dealbreaking) negatives.

 

This time, I'm going to focus my list on reasons we aren't compatible, like...

1. He's not Christian anymore. I want to marry someone who believes the same things.

2. He lied/mislead me. Committed to marrying me, then left to get his life together. Now with another woman who is a decade younger than he is.

3. I don't do "the other woman."

4. I don't enjoy watching South Park, Family Guy, and Simpsons all day. I rather be outdoors or at least having "real life" fun.

5. I'm never going to be a World of Warcraft or Halo 2 fan and don't like to be talked to as if I'm somehow a loser just because I don't like them.

6. I need communication. What I get from him is passive-aggression and "long-suffering."

7. When I go to the river, I actually like to get out of the car and walk or have a picnic, not sit in the parking lot all day or sleep.

8. I like to do creative things like carve pumpkins at the park. My ex was too easily embarrassed and too coventional.

9. I'm tired of power struggles. Having my speech corrected and my family indirectly insulted is really not my idea of happiness.

10. I don't want constant put downs and nagging in my life. My ex thought it was his job to tell me that his choice of wood was better than mine, thought he was more fashion conscious, more domestic, more cultured. That kind of obvious insecurity is upsetting. A little insecurity is OK, but his arrogance bordered on narcissism because he was just so threatened by me.

11. I told him what would have made sex more enjoyable for me...more seduction...but he continued to improve on the physical aspects instead because he "thought" better technique would please me more. So he basically just got better for his own ego. He was fine physically, but I wanted more romance...at least some of the time...a little music, a light massage, leave me a note, flowers, something you know. He wouldn't do it. Power struggles, I guess.

12. He thought I was being unreasonable when I was concerned that he was sharing a hotel room with his female co-worker. He thought this was no big deal, even though he told me he admitted that if he didn't have me, he'd have sex with her.

13. He lead both of our families to believe we were going to get married and even showed up to the first holidays at my estranged dad's house...then broke up with me only a week later...after 7 years together. So he must have been fronting the whole thing. My family was furious.

[ElizaLibbyBeth]

I agree..to be with someone there has to be some good somewhere...or at least the facade of being a good person in the beginning...

 

Sure he was fun to go out with and we loved the same music, he could be funny and the sex was good with the exception in some areas....but weighing the pros against the cons I listed above there is no comparison for me...

 

I need to remind myself why I shouldn't/can't be with person like this...even if I am sad he dumped me...I am worth way more...we all are.

 

When I read the list I wonder to myself....if he is up here...who's watching hell???

 

For some it may not help...just trying to find ways to help me and help others because we are an awesome, loving, and respect-worthy bunch!

[AutumnBorn]

1. He cheated while we were dating.

2. He cheated with my best friend while I was pregnant with our son.

3. He did give me herpes.

4. The secret email accounts from which he could get responses to the personal ads he was running.

5. He responded to Craigslist ads ran by couples looking for a third.

6. A year long email relationship with a Canadian woman by the name of . And he was angry with me for testing to see why her emails had stopped...she'd started emailing him at his new job. He was kind enough to send her pictures of me and the children - her competition.

7. He spent a week in London sharing a hotel room with a female office mate and concocted a lie to enable him to tell me about it.

8. He blamed me for all his actions and inactions and those that were impossible to blame on me, like the Craigslist ads? It was my ugly, untrusting mind that made me suspicious. I should have known it was all a fantasy.

9. He sent a dozen roses to an old girlfriend and had never sent me flowers to that point.

10. He called me Pudgy for years because I went from underweight to a normal weight.

11. He lied and lied and lied and blamed me for his having to lie. If I weren't so judgmental, he wouldn't be forced to be deceptive.

12. He asked me to abort our son.

 

 

There are actually 114 listed reasons in my journal. I'm stunned that I loved him through all of it.

 

It goes something like this: You forgive the first transgression because he promises to try harder. You forgive the second transgression because he's so sorry he hurt you. You forgive the third because you think he begged you not to leave him, the fourth because you were pregnant, the fifth because he said he'd go to counseling....

[rigguy]

Hmmm, wonder if my ex has a list like that for me. Well nothing awful like cheating, abuse, STDs, pregnancy termination ect. but dumpers have to rationalize their decision don't they? For one I would like to read this list, for perspective sake. Nevermind

[ElizaLibbyBeth]

Nevermind her list...you didn't leave her, from what I gather...

 

Why wouldn't YOU want to be with her??? I am sure there are reasons...think about it...I bet you can come with more than 3.

[rigguy]

Thanks Eliza, should be cheering you up honey.

[Mauxly]

-He cheated on me.

-The people and animals he claimed to have loved came second to any good times he might miss.

-Made around 12K a year doing an exciting job that most people in the industry grow out of, or at least find something productive to do in the off season. He refused to get a 'real' job, laughed at the idea, but fully expects his mate to subsidize his lifestyle.

-He took his ex wife for a financial ride. She supported him financially for 5 years, when he left, he took half of everything, including her retirement.

-He blew that money on a big fat gas guzzling expensive truck.

-It's true what they say about men with big trucks.

-He yelled at me.

-He put me down.

-He had a few profoundly disgusting habits that I tried to overlook in the name of love (gross, I actually kissed that mouth).

-My friends and family hate him.

-He is really creepy with women.

-He's emotionally 15 years old when it comes to sex and relationships. He's 43. Not much hope there.

-Oh yeah, he cheated on me.

 

And I look back on it. What was I thinking?????

I no longer miss him in the slightest. I'm embarrassed that I ever dated him.

 

The memory of him is like a booger that I can't quite flick from my brain.

[waveseer]

Because he no longer wants to be with me, enough said.

[Mauxly]

Because he no longer wants to be with me, enough said.

 

My god. How mature and rational of you.

Now I kind of feel like the 14 year old. But I'm wallowing in the rage/disgust phase right now. Letting it all hang out, even the ugly.

[ElMeroMero]

1. She'd get mad easily about something and take it out on me.

 

2. She went out and smoked and drank behind my back even though she told me she wasn't into that stuff.

 

3. She gossiped and made fun about me to her friends.

 

4. Told me I wasn't a ''real man.''

 

5. Lazy in bed

 

6. Didn't appreciate the things I did for her.

 

7. Took my pain and agony over my dead friends as a joke.

 

8. Over weight

 

9. She wouldn't even hear me out the last time I tried to talk! After all we went through and everything I did for her.

 

10. Tried to blame it all on me!

 

11. Basically ditched me that one day.

 

12. Cold hearted stuck up witch sometimes!

 

13. Rubbed it all in my face!

[georgia_alaska]

1. She left me for someone else. (didn't cheat)

 

2. I see how she double standards (our relationship vs their relationship)

 

3. She was jealous and still is.

 

4. Periods were hell, most of the time.

 

5. She broke my heart.

 

 

That's about all on my list. Overall though she was a great person, I can't really say nothing bad about her.

[DaVinci]

Well not that we have been dating for long but well I have a list:

 

I don't want to get back together because:

 

* He didn't respect me (for dumping me by e-mail)

* I wasn't that attracted to him in the first place

* He turned me off a couple of times with coming on too strong

* He talked to much about all his female friends and ex girlfriends

* He had girly manners, not a man-man

* To busy with work and his own life, didn't make a lot of time for me

* Took me to the most boring movie I've ever seen

* I caught myself thinking a few times, "I'm bored, don't want to sit around the house, want to do something fun" - but his favorite leisure time was sitting in front of t.v.

* Strange humor

* To think about it, he was actually quite boring

* But he did reject me, and that hurts.