How can you love someone so much and not be with them?

[Stacia1977]

Hi. My name is Stacia. I am a 24 year old female. I just have a question. Not that anyone out there is psychic or that any one of youwill have the correct answer but, how do you know when you have met your soulmate? I am writing mainly because I am having a hard time with something. I want to know how it can be 2 years since we have broken up yet, I still feel empty. I can close my eyes and feel the butterflies and the melting of my knees as I did everytime I looked at him. How about the constantly looking to see if he is online or waiting for the cell phone to ring to see he restricted his call just to hear my voice on my voicemail. Why do I still feel this way? Why do I still envision the way it felt to be kissed by him or the way he smiled or how I made him nervous?

 

I am curious if anyone has ever done anything in their life that they regret more than anything in this world? I have done a few. One of the worst, was I didnt fight for the love I believed in. I let it go. To tell my story, is to ask everyone out there to read a novel. I begin to write and I cannot stop. There was a time in my life, when I had everything I needed. I was at a gas station working part time. One night a man showed up at the window and spoke to me. All he said was. "Are there any cool clubs out here"? That was enough to start what still lingers. It was love at first sight. 5 months into our relationship, I started to verbally abuse him and emotionally. See he was going through a divorce, and he had 2 kids. They lived in another state and I knew it the first day we agreed to go on a date. 5 months into the relationship and one night his ex called. This was the start of the string of times I left him. I had to leave him more than 10 times in our 10 month relationship. Can I tell u that he was the most preciousl thing in my life? Can I tell you that he made me the happiest woman in my life? Can I tell you that I was scared? That I lived with an alcoholic father and the lifestyle I grew up with taught me to be the person I hated when his ex called? I was 22 he was 24. I am now 24 and he is 26. After the last time, I left, how did I know it would be the last. How did I know it would cause him to say goodbye for good. Though all this time later, there is all of these feelings and we occasionally talk? This is a story and I would like to think that I can meet someone or some people who knows what it is like to feel this way. Someone whom I can share this story with. And whom can shares there's with me so we can somehow find an easier way. I dont see getting over this. Even though I have moved on and have a boyfriend whom I am living with who is wonderful. I am missing what I had. The butterflies, the weak in the knees feelings, the "knowing" I found my soulmate.

 

My question is, how do we know? I have everything now but the butterflies and the knees buckling and weakening. Yet, no matter how hard I try, my thoughts are invaded by this man. I almost hate it. The sad thing about it is, 1 week ago he told me he still loved me. How can 2 people who love eachother so much and be so perfect let us get here? Why do I cry? Why is it so easy? Why do I shake when I talk to him online or if he calls. He and I will talk like every 2 months. How do I escape this? Can I even? Where does it say or where is the truth and fact that this man may or may not be my soulmate? Its not my frame of mind. Because the man I am with now is my best friend and makes me happy. I do love him. But he was there for me when I went through the worst times when my ex and I first broke up and since he has been alot of the reason why I got through it and am where I am today. But even now, I regret leaving my ex that last time. I regret not running back into his arms when I had the chance and I kick myself in the butt every day for knowing I never was so complete in my life. How did I let my self not trust someone whom was nothing but honest with me from day 1? How did I let it go so far that it would mean losing EVERYTHING to try again or have the hope? But dont we only live once right? One life. We are 60 before we know it. So what do we do in this instance?

 

Thanks for listening and I am so sorry this is so long. But the story is touching and I would love to tell it. and listen to yours. So email me if you would like to talk. Thanks again for listening.

 

~S

[/b]

[kamurj]

It's crazy but I'm in the same situation. I love My x more than he knows and I think that that's the problem with the both of us. We need to stop telling friends and strangers about how we feel, and tell them (our x's) directly. I found that I wasn't affectionate enough because I was scared. I held back when all that he needed me to do was open up. It was more of a pride thing that put me in this position.And it sounds like pride took a hold of you too. Anyway it's unfair to the new guy your with if your not 100% "there" with him. Be honest with yourself, do want to be with him? Or maybe it's just the timing that's wrong. once you've figured and solved that portion of your delema you move on to your x . Say what you have to say and mean it cuz there's no turning back now.

[michael2361607306433]

hi there,

 

i kinda now what your going through. After a year and a 1/2 of being with my girfriend cheated on me. There was a bad break up and

I thought I was going to die, my whole world was coming down on me

I freaked. After a while I took her back , but it was not the same .

She said she was sorry over and over and tried to make it up to me, but

i would not let her. I guess she got tired of paying for her mistakes and a year later she left me for good. That was two years ago, i tried to let it go

but I couldn't. I have had some really great girlfriends and they all have suffered because i could not get over her. Which puts me deaper in my hole. I'm just saying that the guy your with now might be you soulmate.

Don't let that possiblity pass you because your hung on your ex.

hope i helped.

[August]

I know exactly how you feel, and not to make you feel worse, but it's been over 4 years for me, and the pain hasn't subsided much, I haven't even talked to him in 4 years, and I still miss him so much. He asked me to marry him, and I said no, I was 18, and still in school. He was going to the Marines. I haven't talked to him since, it hurts so much. He's married now, but from what I hear, he's not really happy. But he reenlisted for 4 more years, so I'll be 26 before he gets out. I have a bf, I've been with him since the ex left, and i love him. But my ex will always be on my mind, and I'll always love him until the day I die.

[SMP03]

It's comforting in a strange way to know there are other people out there like me. I'm 20 years old and last semester (I'm a senior in college) met my first love while studying abroad. We fell in love with each other the first time we went out. I'll never forget kissing him for the first time and him saying to me "It's been a long time" which was how I felt. We had both just gotten through tough situations-his breakup with his girlfriend of 5 years and for me, the sudden death of my father. I had never felt like that for anyone-and so suddenly! He told me that his life was "pleasantly messed up" before I came along and that I made him feel new again. I had had my crushes and boyfriends in the past-but this was something completely new. He got scared early on because he is actually convinced he's going to lose everyone who comes into his life (he said that to me). So he cut off contact with me and I found out he started seeing someone else. We eventually got back together and talked a bit about a future (me moving back to his country after I graduate). We were so close when I left, but about a month and a half after I went home, his emails and phone calls stopped. I would call and he'd be very depressed and not like himself at all. Then the next time he'd be very up and telling me he was glad to hear my voice. The next time-he'd be depressed. I finally realized I was going crazy because he had me on an emotional rollercoaster and would not tell me if he still wanted to pursue something with me. I got paranoid that he was still involved with the girl he started seeing when he tried to cut off contact with me. I actually checked HIS email to see if she was writing to him! THAT is when I knew I had to start getting over him-so I wrote him a letter saying that we should still be friends, but I was going crazy and knew I needed to get over him, romantically. He never wrote back. It's been 2 months since I've heard his voice, and I am genuinely trying to get over him (reading moving on books, keeping myself busy, looking for someone new) but I still cry almost every day because he was the first guy I've ever loved and it still feels like this is wrong. He was also the first guy I opened up to sexually. I think about the good times I spent with him and I still get butterflies. I do try to not think about it, but it's just there. I still wonder if I'll ever speak to him or see him again in my life. And I'm still concerned about him (the whole depression thing). It's incredibly painful, and I feel like I'll never feel so passionately towards someone again and it scares me...I mean I'm 20!!! Another problem is that he never wrote back so there was never any closure. So hopefully time wil heal us all, and we maybe need to make new goals for ourselves that excite us. I almost envy those of you that are with new people. I want to find someone so much to heal me from this-but of course depending on someone else to make you happy is probably not the answer. Maybe I cannot really give advice (mainly considering I have hardly any life experience) but hopefully it's a comfort to you too to know that you're not alone!

[August]

When I read your story, it brought back memories and feelings so bad. When you say you fell in love with him instantly, and still remember the first kiss, and you get butterflies...It happened to me too. I can actually remember the exact moment when I KNEW I was in love with him, we were in his car, he had taken me home after our first date, and he leaned over and kissed me. I can still see the look in his eyes, what he was wearing, and the feel the feelings i had then. To make things worse, he felt the same thing, the next day he told me so, that he had never felt that way about anyone, and it scared him, but made him feel so good at the same time.

 

I think the reason I didn't let myself believe I was really IN love with him was because right after he told me he loved me, he got tears in his eyes, and told me that a few hours before our date, he had finished the enlisting procedures for the Marines, and he was leaving in 2 months. Then he told me that we still had two months, we were going to make the best of it. That hurt me so much, but I agreed with him. Then things turned for the worse. That night, while I was at his house.... meeting his parents....his recuiter called and said that he had to leave in 12 days instead, and there was no way aroud it. We were in his room and I tried to leave, I didn't want to hear it, to this day, that is the most horrible news I have ever heard.

 

I kick myself everday for not marrying him, for not doing what everone, even myself thought was the wrong thing. In my heart I thought YES, but my stupid logical mind, talked me out of it. I do feel better knowing I'm not alone, I suppose we should all hang in there, and get on with our lives. Good Luck, and keep your head up!!

[gsxr104]

This makes me sad thinking about some of the things you mentioned.

[tiff872]

I didn't realize how many people acted the same way that my ex did to me. I keep trying to tell myself that he never cared, that even when he came back and told me that he loved me, etc. , he was only lying. I mean, he was saying all these things but not making any moves to fix things with me so he obviously didn't care right?

 

my ex and i were exactly how you guys seem to describe your past relationships. i'm sorry that you guys let that person go because if the relationship was anything like the one we had....that other person was probably hurting for a very long time too. good luck in your future relationships though...i hope that if you guys ever meet someone like that again, or if you even get the chance with that special someone again that you will go for it, no regrets.