feeling lonely

[exback]

Christmas time....

My ex bf broke up with me at the end of february after 4 years together - he ignored every attempt from me to contact him.

At the moment I feel just so lonely and I am writing you guys so that I am not tempted to write him since I am sure he would be annoyed.

It may be Christmas time but even so I know it wasn't my fault alone that the relationship didn't work out I regret so many things. I never cheated or lied or anything like that but I was nagging and sometimes a bit cold or controlling. I wish I wouldn't have done that - maybe he wouldn't have left me...

I am not able to "replace" him with a new boyfriend. I guess it will take me some time...

[veda999]

what do you mean by controlling and why do you think that hurt the relationship? and how were you cold, was it because you didn't want to confront him so you turned away? I feel for you.

[jc123]

Christmas time....

My ex bf broke up with me at the end of february after 4 years together - he ignored every attempt from me to contact him.

At the moment I feel just so lonely and I am writing you guys so that I am not tempted to write him since I am sure he would be annoyed.

It may be Christmas time but even so I know it wasn't my fault alone that the relationship didn't work out I regret so many things. I never cheated or lied or anything like that but I was nagging and sometimes a bit cold or controlling. I wish I wouldn't have done that - maybe he wouldn't have left me...

I am not able to "replace" him with a new boyfriend. I guess it will take me some time...

 

if you ever want to chat, i am here to listen. i don't think you should worry about your regrets about the relationship. you have been out of contact for a while which is really good. if he wanted to talk, he would have initiated contact by now. the regrets aren't important anymore. it's been months and you're already a success at nc.

[exback]

Thank you - at the moment I feel like "talking". NO -sometimes I was cold on purpose since I didn't wanna seem needy and clingy. Sometimes he said something like : "You don't love me anymore" and sometimes he said "You can't live without me". So I wasn't sure about whether or not I was too clingy or too cold--- I couldn't figure out from what he said to me. I never ever told him not to go to a party and so on but it was important for me that he did answer to text messages and emails and that he did call back me if he missed the call. Sometimes he didn't and I got angry and nagged and he felt "controlled" and said he is fed up with me and my nagging and so on...He broke up with me after one of this incidents/fights - he was just fed up with me.

[BraveStar]

I wouldn't say that what you did was controlling. It is not unreasonable to expect him to respond to texts or return your calls, this is behaviour I would expect from anyone in a relationship. It is that lonely time of year and I'm right there with you as I imagine are a lot of people on this site. I've been pretty close to contacting my ex the last couple of days but it really wouldn't do me any good. When I get the urge I breathe deeply, count to ten and then give myself a talking to. I'll be so glad once Christmas and new years are done with. I hope you start to feel better soon and if you feel lonely just post here.

[veda999]

totally agree with Brave star, expecting returned phone calls was not controlling or nagging. You have every right to expect courtesy in a relationship. Don't beat yourself up, you did not cause the breakup. Your boyfriend gave you mixed messages so you acted cold out of confusion, and that suggests that the communication was not good. Relax, if possible, during this season and have confidence in what you require in a relationship.

[Louella]

I really do feel for you. I'm going through the exact same thing. My boyfriend has made absolutely no contact with me. Despite deep down knowing it was for the best and making the most of my new life being single, I still get times when I'm filled with regret for things I could have done different, things you shouldn't have said. It can drive you crazy. Hand in there and try to resist the urge not to contact even though it's hard. The fact that you think about things like that show what an understanding caring person you are and maybe that aspect of your character is wasted on him. You deserve better. Hang in there and stay strong!