Again & again & again

[confusedmama]

Seems just when things SHOULD be going ok-he comes back & hits me with ANOTHER court date. This time with 2 motions-to-amend dealing with the boys & visitation/taxes. I have come to the conclusion that I will NEVER be out of court.

The biggest issue is I CAN"T AFFORD to continue going to court & hiring lawyers. I have spent over $12,000 in the past 5 years (money that should have been spent on the children) and I am in debt up to my eyeballs.

Anybody have any ideas on how to make this stop or how to pay for it? Why are some people so vindictive-I really think he wants me to go bankrupt, but for what reason?? What would that prove? Why would you want your children to be hungry, cold, and homeless???

[unknownme]

Im sorry to hear what your going through. He seems bitter as if he wants to make your life hell...Have you tried making arrangements out of court with him? if so what does he say?

[confusedmama]

I can't make arrangements out of court, he doesn't follow the court order if it doesn't suit him so there is no way I can believe he would even consider any arrangements made without a judge. It just goes on and on and on. SHouldn't he be getting tired of making our lives a living hell?

[unknownme]

Obviously this makes him happy, He likes to make your life hell and he will not stop until you regreat not being with him.

[confusedmama]

All I regret now-is being with him!! Can anyone give some sage advise on how to keep us out of court? I'm at my wits end.

[lostandhurt]

I have no advise on keeping it out of court but this has had to have happened before to others. I would do a search or two and see if there is some help for you out there from others that have been put through this endless cycle. What would be fair is that the person that wants to amend anything in the final agreement should have to pay the court and legal fees of both involved.

Also if he isn't abiding by the final agreement then bring that up in front of the judge. And while you are there and paying a laywer you might as well amend the child support agreement and any othe monies he is paying. If everytime he takes you back to court it costs him money I doubt he will want to try to amend anything again.

 

Look for local help or support groups that have had some experience with this sort of thing in your area. I am sure they have a few tricks they can give you.

 

Lost

[Catdancer]

In Virginia, there are legal aid offices all over that will represent you based on income. Also, they will ask for their attorney's fees to be paid and the court costs to be paid by your husband.

 

I agree with Lost....also try to get more child support. And tell your attorney about him not obeying the court order. If he has to pay every time you go to court, he wont want to go anymore.

[doityourself]

I agree with Catdancer, I live in IL and work at the legal aid office shes talking about. We have a form called Sue as a poor person, that is an application to have the filing fees waived.

 

Also there should be a local law library where you are(usually in the court house), check there they usually have tons of family law forms that will help you out. It is also a great place to read up on state laws for child related issues.

[confusedmama]

Thanks for the advise I'll check on the legal aid-but my income may be too high to qualify (although as a teacher it isn't THAT high).

Lost:

I have tried in the past to bring up other issues (sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't). The biggest problem is the burden of proof is on me and even when I have the proof-he will lie in court & deny it, so it goes back to my word against his.

Child support is based on income & # of days of visitation (whether he spends the time with them or not) so it is pretty cut & dried-Although I would LOVE to have changed to 20% or some percentage of salary, it would save ALOT of my court dates. That is what he is trying to do is lower he CS payments-the more visitation he can get the lower his payments go ( he actually got it down to $278 until I had it appealed).

Not one of my lawyers has suggested to have him pay costs-I have but they always hmmmm and hawwwww and it never gets brought up. So I'm NOT crazy in thinking if HE brings the motions--HE should have to pay my lawyer fees???

[Catdancer]

Why in the world havent your attorney's suggested that he pay attorney's fees??? They work for you. And if you want something it is their job to get it.

[lostandhurt]

This is why it is a good idea to network with others in the same boat. They know the system or know laywers that work for you, not themselves.

Look around and also ask the county Family Court if there are resources like groups you could attend. Knowledge is power!

 

Lost

[confusedmama]

Thanks-I am asking around for recommendations for lawyers who have ALOT of GOOD results in front of the judge I have to go in front of.

Silly me-guess I have always thought if I 'm paying THAT much money they should at least take what I say into consideration, I'm not that stupid. But in hindsight, they really haven't listened and I've been screwed and I have to continually FIGHT for the rights of my children from their father and a system that is supposed to protect them.

I'm the eternal optimist that I keep hoping that one day it will all go away-he will decide to leave us in peace. Until that time I guess I need to put on my big girl panties and find a lawyer, go into MORE debt, and give it all I got.

[lostandhurt]

Go out and get yourself a pair of Super Girl panties......or Thong (sorry I am guy) and kick his butt!

I bet when you get assertive you will find things start going your way more and more. After all they way you were doing it wasn't working so well so this has a good chance of turning out great.

 

Good luck

Lost

[confusedmama]

Thanks Lost & Hurt !!! I needed uplift It made me smile-something I haven't done much of recently. Looking for a lawyer now- actually have suggestions from other lawyers