He said he never wants to get married again.

[fawndango]

We met three months ago.Things started off amazing, he showed up with flowers on the 1st date, introduced me to his kids that week, spent hours pleasing me in bed, amazing. He got divorced three years ago, hadn't been with anyone in three years and I hadn't been with anyone in two years. It almost seems like our lives in the last three years were almost parallel. On the second date he was already asking if i were his girlfriend and i said yes. I wanted to take things slow but he was so excited and anxious and i became the same way because it had been so long for me also. One day i happened to mention marriage as part of a conversation talking about someone else and he reacted bitterly. I was caught off guard at his response. I was anti-marriage for a long time but i think now i am more open minded about the whole marriage issue. Cautious but open minded. About a month ago, he started to become distant, not to mention the fact that he couldn't make a decision about what to eat or what to do. I brought up the marriage issue again and he said if we were to marry he would want a prenup. I was flabbergasted. It was almost like we were talking about the end before we began. He got raked over the coals by his ex-wife and trust me, she did a number on him. I told him that i was fine with a prenup i didn't want his pension or whatever else, i also have a career and i make enough money to be comfortable. To make a long story short two weeks ago he got mad at me, i have no idea why, he said he felt like i was all over him (picking on him). I left him alone for a week, he didn't call so I called him and asked him what does he want to do, does he want to break up. He said i don't know what do you want to do. I said do you want to be friends, do you want to agree to mutually break up, what do you want. He said i don't know what i want and "do you ever feel like you just don't know". So needless to say our conversation ended with me still not knowing what the hell is going on, he called three days later hung up when i said hello, i called him back and he didn't answer. It has been two weeks and i don't plan on calling him. I am sad, after reading numerous posts i think its best that i don't ever pursue things with him since men don't change their mind easily over marriage especially since he is so bitter. So our breakup was pretty much him saying i don't know and that was that. I think his not calling me is evidence enough that he did figure out what he wanted, what do you think?

[bulletproof]

On the second date he was already asking if i were his girlfriend and i said yes. I wanted to take things slow but he was so excited and anxious and i became the same way because it had been so long for me also.

 

This seems really unhealthy to me. It all happened way too quickly, and as amazing as it may have been, you didn't know him. Now it seems he is showing you who he truly is, and you should listen. This isn't just about whether he ever wants to get married again. He seemed to get angry out of nowhere and then handled it be avoiding you. That's really juvenile behavior.

[dundermiflin]

So sorry girl. You didn't do anything wrong; he sounds like an immature mess. I know it is painful but try to remember how he is now and not how he was, and hopefully that makes you feel better. He's just not as great as you thought he was.

Best of luck next time.

[Ivory_Tower]

Talking about the end before it ever began-thats a terrible sign!

 

I would suggest that you forget this guy and find someone that wants to get married should you want to in the future!

[BriarRose]

Yes, i would say him not calling for 2 weeks is a sign to move on. He does sound like he never healed from his marriage ending - at least the financial aspect of it. This is common - having bitterness left over from being "raked over the coals" as you put it, from their divorce. However, his bitterness is his problem. You did nothing wrong.

[DaveTrump]

no no no! Run! He is not ready for a full on relationship let alone marriage. Thing is, women want a man that know what they want out of life and he is just sending these fuzzy messages to you with nothing to get hold of. how frustrating it must be with such wishy washy signals. Do not be too hard on him though.

 

Good luck x

[shes2smart]

When a guy says he "never wants to get married/married again" you'd do yourself a HUGE favor to take him at his word....especially if you want to be married at some point.

 

But I'm getting ahead of myself...because you can't even consider marriage to someone who can't even make up his mind if he wants to break up or keep seeing you. Hard as it is, the best thing you can do for yourself is walk away and don't look back. Who really wants to be with someone who has to be (for lack of a better word) convinced they want to be with you?

 

Most relationships are all hearts & flowers & romance & seeming perfection at the start. They pretty much have to be or I don't know that any of us would keep voluntarily subjecting ourselves to hurt, rejection and all the other things that happen when things go sideways....which they do more often than not in romantic relationships.

 

So when the initial glow wore off, he started showing you who he's still angry/bitter about his last break-up and probably not ready to be a full partner in a healthy relationship of any sort.

[fawndango]

Thank you so much for the clarity here, and from a guy's perspective. You brought up some key points that i had never considered.

 

1) I don't feel duped because you are right we wouldn't subject ourselves to hurt rejection etc without the initial romance.

2) I guess he DID start to show me his true colors when the glow wore off and the relationship started to take form. Funny now that you mentioned it, i have had men start acting funny and weird three months into it and i thought i was doing something wrong---NOT-- maybe they were just showing me was their intentions were at that point. WOW a key to one of the mysteries that i have never been able to resolve.

 

I really appreciate your insight.