He Cheated

[confusedgirrl]

I know I should not get involved but this situation is so close to mine that I want some perspective on it. He is my bestfriend and it kills me to see him like this.

 

My bestfriend who just got back together with his ex after she tried for a while to get back with him, for the past 2 years he has had this semi-relationship with this other girl. He told me that he cant stop thinking about this girl and that she is constantly on his mind. He has shown me some of the emails that he and the girl send each other every day and there is alot of I miss you, I cant stop thinking about you and I miss kissing you and holding you in my arms. Not things you should be telling someone who is not your gf. Right now he seems happy with his gf but obviously he isnt if this is going on.

 

What makes things worse is what he told me happened yesterday, he and his gf moved in together earlier this week and he asked this girl to come to his new apartment to visit him as he hasnt seen her for a while. What started as a hug to comfort her escalated to a whole lot more ending on the bed he now shares with his gf.

 

We talked for a while about it last night and he told me that he is very confused and while he wants to be with his gf because they have history together he cant stop thinking about this other girl. Yes I know the cheating is wrong but I dont know what else to tell him. Someone who is supposed to be in love with his gf would not be talking to another girl like this or even thinking about someone else.

 

What advice do you guys have? What should he do? I know he has to make a decision either his gf or the other girl.

This is really freaking me out because this is so close to the stuff going on with me and I still havent found a way to deal with that either.

[JusticeLaw9]

I'm afraid it's not much you can really do about that. It was up to him to make that decision. Of course it's jacked up of him, but at the end of the day he's going to have to be the one to lay on that pillow at night. And that's a hard pillow to sleep on knowing you've done something so senseless and cruel.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

If I were you I would stop being his sympathetic ear and tell him that he is not confused, he simply wants the excitement of having two women and it is morally reprehensible that he has sex with someone else in the same bed he is now going to be sharing with the girlfriend he just decided to move in with. This guy doesn't need tea and sympathy, he needs a swift kick in the groin.

[catfeeder]

He's getting off on discussing this with you, so I'd nip that. I'd just tell him that because he's my friend and I love him, I'm going to pretend that he's put the cheating behind him and won't ever do it again, and he can speak to me about anything else in the world except for either of his girlfriends.

 

Sure, he won't 'like' it, but tough. I wouldn't need a friend who 'needed' my complicity in his dishonesty and disloyalty--that's not 'helping' him, and it's of no value to me.

[arcadefire]

If you want to give him a wake up call, just tell him to put himself in his gf's shoes. Would he like it if she did that to him? No. He needs to man up and break up with his gf. She doesn't deserve this.

[confusedgirrl]

I am so disappointed in him. He knows where I stand on this issue and while I feel bad about the confusion he is going through he needs to break up with his gf, he should have never gotten back with her knowing he feels this way about the other girl. How can he sleep at night in that bed with her knowing what he did.

 

Crazyaboutdogs-I agree about the swift kick in the groin, this is the worst thing you can do to another person you claim to love.

 

One thing I wonder is if the other girl knows he has a gf and if she is so into him why are they not together instead.

[odile]

Crazyaboutdogs is right.

Someone who can be so careless with others would have a hard time earning my respect.

If he were my friend, I'd let him know of my disapproval, and would distance myself from him.

You may never date him, but sometimes selfish characteristics can present themselves in more than one way... personally, I would have a difficult time trusting someone who could act like that.

[happylady]

I stopped talking with a female friend of mine that told me she was cheating on her boyfriend. I couldnt look at her anymore with respect. If she was able to do that to someone she "loved" then how good is her friendship to me?

 

If he was telling this all to me I would most likely tell him how I lost respect for him and walk away. I am sure this drama is playing on you as well. I agree with catfeeder that he is getting off discussing this with you. You dont need this stress. Tell him that you will talk about anything else but that. Let's see if he talks to you as much.