PLEASE SHARE YOUR FEELINGS

[dragomirescu]

Hello everyone. I will not give you all the details of my breakup, because I want to ask you a different question. (To cut the story very very short, my gf broke up with me after a 1.5 yrs relationship and ended up dating someone else, a 'supportive' guy who was 'kind' to her when we had our troubles...of course I have my share of blame, like taking her for granted at times and speaking mean words to her when we broke up)

 

You all heard or read about the classic stages following a loss: denial,

anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. I will share some of what I feel during this time, and tell me if you feel anything like it.

 

- jealousy (i feel jealous because now she dates another guy and my life has become a total mess)

 

- anger (sometimes I really hate her, but a few minutes later I love her)

 

- even if I know there is no chance to get back together, I still fantasize about getting back, about her coming back begging (Yeeeah right)

 

- guilt. At times, I feel really guilty, thinking it is all my fault, and then the 'what ifs' 'If I had only'...etc.

 

- some days I have a lot of trouble getting myself motivated and all I would like to do is sitting in bed all day.

 

- during the last part of our relationship, due to constant stress, fatigue, and arguments, I had lost interest in sex, or when we had it, it wasn't really great. Because of that, sometimes I feel myslef like a total failure, I feel ugly and unattractive. Did this ever happened to you? I mean, did you sex life decreased when you had bad times?

 

- ok, there are days when I feel so confident, I see everything clear, I see a bright future for me, I am very confident that I will find another girl (a better one). But the next morning the cycle repeats....

 

-mmmm... let me think, what else do I feel?...We haven't seen each other for 3 months (and don't want to see her soon) and when I feel so low, I imagine that she has a great life, great sex, with her new bf which of course is better than me (stupid isn't it???). I imagine that she healed faster than me, and I get so annoyed that I still have feelings for her.

 

-at times, I think about her and she seems so breautiful, so charming, and the next thought that comes into my mind is : "Oh my God I lost her!!!. She was everithing I wanted and I blew it away. If I had been sexier, better dressed, better in bed, more supportive....etc. this wouldn't have happened" - well, the lack of self-esteem is obvious isn't it? Have you felt like this???

 

...ok...let's continue, I hope you didn't get bored

 

- sometimes I really hate her and I wish something bad to happened to her. For example, she was very preety, and she was very aware of that. And when I have feelings of hate toward her I wish her to get fat, ugly or something bad to happen to her so that she can see how it is to feel unattractive (...I'm not mean, but this is how I feel!!!)

 

- and finally, sometimes I wish her all the best, I wish her a happy life.

 

Well, these are some of the feelings I experienced. Of course they decreased in intensity but I still have them.

 

What about yours?? When will they disappear??

 

Thank you.

[kuhl282000]

Hello

 

We all have done stupid things in the name of love. We all have blown relationships for any number of reasons. What we did, what we did not do. And I'm sure most people have gotten angry. They say we get angry at least two times a day. It is how we handle the anger that counts. I suggest you remove the word hate from your thoughts. That is a very strong word. And deep down I'm sure you really don't mean it. It is normal to feel guilt, regret, depression, feeling of loss after breaking up with someone so special. The chances are she will not come crawling back to your door begging you to take her back. Sounds to me as if your self esteem is damaged. The good news is it has happened to us all. And if you are still alive today. It is a very good chance you are going to live through this heartbreak. I know it hurts, I won't discount that, but somewhere in it all is a lesson for you. A lesson on what not to do the next time.You have a bright future ahead, you are all of 22. And you will have many more loves of your life before you find the right one. Read my quote at the bottom, I hope it helps. And may you find some peace of mind soon. Try a new mind set, it is all between the temples.

 

Good Luck and Warm Regards

 

Kuhl

 

8)

[ConfusedBloke]

well, im feeling exactly all those thisngs you mention, and yep its killing me. looking back i do wish id been different at certain times in certain aspects and situations, but what i did or didnt do was me being me at that time. So if the girl im with cant love me for being me then maybe its best that im not with her afterall...

[fantasia2004]

I feel it too It happens. It perfectly normal and you are not alone.

[lisaria]

Hey drago,

Yep. Everyone of those feelings have been through my body and my mind. The loving him one minute and hating him the next. The doubts. I should have done this, I should have done that. The one that was really illogical and a betrayal to who I am was the one that said "I wish I had not said anything about his cheating after I found out because then we'd still be together." Makes alot of sense, huh?

The sex was always great and I miss that really really bad. I felt really unattractive for a while there and wondered what was wrong with me that he would have to find someone else. But the thing that you have to remember is that you are who you are and they are who they are. No matter what happened they do not have to make the choice to leave just because you reach a bumpy spot in the road. Mine made the choice to cheat and lie, I didn't. It was their choices that put us where we are today. We have to take back the power we gave to them and make ourselves better. Just the fact that we are living through this makes us better and wiser.

Some minutes I feel like I know I'll do so much better the next time and then the next I feel like I will never have anyone else. It's some sort of cycle that we go through. I am just sooo ready for someone else to help me get over this. He is with someone, why shouldn't I be? And there's a small part of me that wants him to see me happy with someone so he'll see what he's missing and come crawling back. Of course, that really wouldn't happen since he's been happy with his new g/f ever since before we split.

Anyway, drago, keep moving. You'll get through this and wake up one day and realize she's not the first thing you thought about. It just seems to take so damned long.

Lisa

[JT]

This is the EXACT thing i'm going through right now. I dont know if she has a new boyfriend or not.. I imagine she wont, but I'm sure she has guys lined up ready to take my place, bad mouthing me every second of the day. I too live with the guilt.. its almost killing me, like it almost did before. I chose to take my life, she was there through the whole thing and basically saved me. This is very difficult. I wish for some reason she'd come back to me.. in a changed way. Some parts of me tell me to move on.. it is very very difficult to deal with these emotions. Some days, like today, I just want to give up.

[lisaria]

Hey JT,

Don't give up. It seems like there is nothing to get up for in the mornings, but there is. Giving up is one of the most selfish things you can do. Think about the people that do love and care about you.

The weekends are always the worst. Today I feel so down. Sunday is Mother's Day and he'll be with his new g/f and I'm sure he'll make it a special day for her. I've been fighting tears all day long. It makes me sick to think of that but I keep thinking about it anyways. I'm fighting it. You've got to fight it too. It will be one of the hardest things for you to do, but I know that you will. You can do it.

Find something to keep you busy. I'm learning Tarot, going to the gym, reading and playing on my comp. You pick up something that you are interested in but never followed. Do it now. Also exercise. It will make you feel so much better. And if you can do it at a gym it's even better. You are out around people. Stay busy.

We are all here for you. Stay strong.

Lisa

[FreeAgain]

lisa is right, as bad as it seems and as much as it hurts, the only thing we can do is get through it and move on. None of us are alone in feeling the way we do, thats why were all here Its not an easy process, but in the end, we take what we learned and become a better person out of it.

 

Getting thought it is hard, but the worst thing to do is sit and wallow. Jump up, go somewhere, call someone, come here ... anything but think of him/her. Not that you should totally forget everything you felt for them, you just have to put it to the side for the healing process to work.

 

as for my feelings right now, theres a definite mix between love and anger/bitterness (but no hate). I still love her and miss her, but cant help feeling a bit negative toward her as she was the one who dumped me and left me feeling so alone.

 

When she left me i told her that all I ever wanted for her is that she be happy, and if this is what it takes (leaving me) then thats the way it has to be. Part of me still does feel this way. But theres another part that doesnt and would rather her be unhappy and regret leaving me. It soulds kinda evil wanting someone that you supossedly still love to be unhappy, but i cant help feeling it.

 

Theres also this win/loss feeling i been getting. Like she ended up coming out ahead and winning, because she broke it off and she got what she wanted, while I ended up loosing because i still want what i cant have.

 

Ive been working hard to counter this and trying to convince myself in the end i will be the one that 'won'. She left and she didnt stay true to the feelings she told me she had. Shes already with another guy in a relationship im sure wont last. Shes pretty much the same person she was before we got together. But when im done healing, I will come out a better person. Ill take what we had together and learn from it. The things that were wrong with the relationship will be fixed for future ones. Im the one thats working to better myself, physically, mentally, emotionally. Im the one that will come out of our failed relationship a stronger, better person. Ill be the one she sees down the road and that she regrets leaving (just had to through the regret in their didnt i )

 

The win/loss thing sounds kinda silly, but i just cant help thinking that way. Is it silly?

[gizza]

i agree with most comments , id just add the waste i feel afeter giving her 6 years off my life .

 

i also have some negatives creeping into my thoughts , she was/is a great woman , beautiful fun & witty ......

 

that said she can be mean , manipulative , secretive & genearlly hard work to be with . I know if thats just me convincing myself , but i reckon if you look you find that this perfect girl has just as many issues as the rest ofg us .

 

good luck , keep posting it helps me & hopefully it helps you .