I'm a broken hearted IDIOT...and I need some help

[missmar]

Hi All!

 

I have been reading all the posts and it sounds like most of us are in the same boat ...dealing with this incredible pain. I want to post this to get it off my chest and than ask for any advise...here it goes

 

I moved from Tx to Charlotte for a job opportunity. I had not worked in six months...and even worse I took myself off the dating scene for two years prior to moving here. I was vulnerable when I got to Charlotte but excited about a new opportunity.

 

My parents best friends wanted me to meet there son who also just moved to Charlotte and was single....but dating. I have met his parents and his father loves me and asked his son to show me around town.

 

Well we finally meet and it was total sparks on both sides ..I think. He came to my house to pick me up and was walking around like a nervous idiot and I was nervous too...I was totally smittened with him. Well we had a couple of drinks went out to dinner had some more drinks...and well I through myself at him and actually made the first move and gave him a kiss...he obliged. We went back to my house and we did not make love ...but we did have a heavy make out session going on. Anyway when we woke up the next morning we talked about seeing each other again soon. Well we talked on the phone a couple of times but we did not meet for another 3 weeks.

 

He invited me to his house to meet his roommate and his roommates girlfriend. He was standoffish ...even rude at times asking about when we were going to have sex. And I was like "what's the rush"...anyway then he was like we should just be friends because my father loves you to much and I will probably hurt you. I told him that I wanted to pursue him and if he doesn't thats fine. I left. He called and we began dating seriously. We actually took a trip together to Vegas and California for a whole 10 days after knowing each other for only 6 weeks. The trip went well but I continued to have trust issues with him because he has terrible intimacy problems. He does not like to kiss much and the sex just wasn't that great...but I still was crazy about him.

 

Got back from trip relationship is still going on...at his house 4 times a week, going to dinners together and meeting his friends. Then he wants me to go with him to meet his parents and my parents and spend the weekend with them . We did we were formally introduced as a couple and everything was wonderful. Then we get back and things start going wrong...he signs himself up on link removed and I caught him. I asked him if he wanted to date other people then I was going to too. He removed himself off of link removed. Still things got worse he would try to hide things from me...like a ski trip with his roommate and I was not invited. Finally I got fed up and went over his house and broke up with him very nicely, told him I was crazy about him but I just did not think he cared about me. Oh...did I mention he does not have a job and I lent him money and took his laptop as collateral.

 

4 days goes by after the break up he calls and wants to know if I am doing okay since I dumped him and he knows I don't know a sole here. I told him I was fine and it would take me 30 days to get over him and I was currently going through withdrawal. Calls 2 days later telling me about his job prospects and want to know if I want to go to visit our parents again. I told him no. He calls again then he wants something out of his laptop case and I told him he would have to wait until Monday because the laptop was at work. Calls again and wants me to go over his house for dinner....this time he is rude to me. I tell him I have plans and he hung up on me. He went to visit our parent by himself and had dinner at my parents house like nothing ever happened. Comes home 4 days later and then takes off for 10 days with no word to me. Okay, the only way I know this is because I am guilty of driving by his house to see if he was home. For weeks I thought he moved in with some other girl....then I get a call because he wants his resume off his laptop. I don't think he expected me to be home when he called ...so he told me he went to his home town where he grew up and spent time with old friends and family. He also told me that he knew I went to visit my parents last weekend. Then was very short with me and hung up.

 

Now I am completely baffled...does this man care about me...does he just want his freaking lap top back...did he bring home some chick from his home town and is done with me...or did this guy ever care about me. I am so confused...hurt...sick...losing weight over it. I know I broke up with him, but I guess I needed to know if he cared.....Help

[ticklish223]

I'm definitely thinking that you should just forget about him. He keeps calling to talk about his laptop or wahtever, if he really did care about you then he would have said something already. I think the guy has some issues that he needs to deal with before he is ready for a serious relationship with you or with anyone else. He needs to get a job and start a life.

You say that you had a hard time trusting him, but I don't see why you are so heartbroken over this man if you didn't even trust him. Love is built upon trust, and if you didn't actually trust him there was no love. Pure lust. Maybe not even taht since you said that he wasnt even good in bed.

I think you just need to get out and meet new people, start a new life in Charlotte and find a new man who will love and care for you, and who you will be able to trust. Possibly not get right into a relationship, try finding guys who you can be friends with before jumping into a serious relationship.

[ndgpnat1607306451]

I agree whole-heartedly. If you ask me (and I guess you kind of did) I would say that he just wanted you for sex and any benifits he could get. I think you should just think about that, and him being short and rude, instead of anything good. That should help get over him. Or, maybe even get short with him when he calls. But I think you should just let him know somehow that you are done with him and wait a little while before you start over.

[Gilgamesh]

I dont get what you see in this guy, your trying way to hard to make it work, your in love with an illusion. He doest respect you, hes not a good lover, he hides things from you, he doesnt seems very romantic. basically hes self centered.

 

I see you placed your post in "Age Gap" by any chance is he the Younger of the two? because he does seem a little immature. I ask because the only reason I can imagine you pursuing this guy is he must be some kind of knock out handsome dude. and even that isnt a good reason.

[missmar]

Thank you for all of your responses.

 

I understand its hard for people to understand why anyone falls for the person I did. I told you all the bad things but there were good things to. He was the life of the party, very outgoing...just had charisma. I was sucked into it because I need someone like that to break me out of my shell. I know now that I don't need him in my life.

 

One more question. My mom thinks I should just give back the laptop without getting my money back. Everyone else say No! I know I am never going to see this money....what should I do. I appreciate all your advise

[Gilgamesh]

Id just give it back, this way hes out of your life, make it simbolic in your head, just give it to him, tell him, i know your not a man of Character, but dont want anything to do with you, here is your stinking laptop, please stay out of my life.

[tmills0011607306452]

I believe you are better off without him. Charlotte is a very cool city. I go there once or twice a month to visit my best friend. There are a few great places to meet people (Tutto Mundos, Tonic, Mythos, ect....) I know it is tough to get into the swing of things, but I have met a few people a couple years ago down there and now I am now great friends with them. Keep your chin up! You'll meet some people! Just stay away from the tractor pulls!