Ex. just reponded after 3 months.

[Nappyloxs]

Okay, I sent a letter to my ex. last night. basically saying why I love her.

 

I don't know what to do??? She never responded before. I did not expect her to responded to when I sent the letter.

 

Crap.

 

Here is what she wrote

 

I am not coming back, things will never be what they used to be. I'm happy alone. Please move on and live your life everyday like its your last.

Take care,

 

 

I know many of you will say not to respond and to just let her be.

 

Panic has me right now. Crap. I really did not expect her to respond.

 

What to do. What to do.

[Beachandsurf]

HEY!! I thought we were in a contest to see who got over our exs first ;-)

 

no question what to do here. She said it all. Perhaps responding was the only way she can get you so move on..

 

I know it is a shock, but read her words... she did not respond with I love you and I miss you.

 

But we do what is in our hearts..

[justletgo07]

Well, I would say this: What COULD you do? Is there really anything you could do that would change her mind at this point?

 

Try not to panic. In reality, nothing has changed. Were you any closer to being with her before you sent it? Doubtful. The time apart just allowed your mind to play the "what-if" game, but in reality nothing had changed. Just take it for what it is and move on. There's really nothing more you can do here.

[DenverBachelor]

Okay, I sent a letter to my ex. last night. basically saying why I love her.

 

I don't know what to do??? She never responded before. I did not expect her to responded to when I sent the letter.

 

Crap.

 

Here is what she wrote

 

I am not coming back, things will never be what they used to be. I'm happy alone. Please move on and live your life everyday like its your last.

Take care,

 

 

I know many of you will say not to respond and to just let her be.

 

Panic has me right now. Crap. I really did not expect her to respond.

 

What to do. What to do.

 

... and this is exactly why NC is so great. You don't have to get your face smashed into a door when they slam it shut so hard.

 

Man, I got set back just reading that one. Time to move on because this one is a dead horse. Ouch. That's some tough love.

[DenverBachelor]

Is there really anything you could do that would change her mind at this point?

 

 

Sure -- he could morph into a different guy.

[jettison]

Didn't we tell you not to send the letter? She couldn't possibly be anymore sincere and frank with you. It was a courtesy that she sent that. She lost respect for you because you refuse to stop loving someone who won't love you back. People are not able to respect their romantic partners when they show them that they won't respect themselves.

 

DO NOTHING.

 

I am being as clear as she is. Do nothing. This ship has sailed, and it is 101% over. I threw in the extra 1% just in case you have foggy vision. She is not the woman for you, period. The fact that she is alone and yet still doesn't want to come back to you says everything you'd ever need to know.

 

It says, "I would rather be lonely then be with you."

 

But again, this is not a condemnation of you or who you are. I'm sure that you're a great guy. But I'm equally sure that you're simply not her great guy. Please, for yourself, recognize this for what it is. You will be soooo much better off in the long run.

 

image removed

[Hobbes]

Ouch man, there is nothing you can do, she has written it in a way where you can't respond, ie she is not open to discussing it any further and pretty firm about it. You kinda knew this though so back to NC you pop. Who knows what will happen in the future but for now and the foreseeable future this is a lost cause it looks like. Only you really know her and we're just punching in keys at a computer though but I think even you can see that.

[doiiiieeezie]

I'm sorry... we told you not to send that letter.

 

She didn't have to so cold about it, but she is basically saying that whatever you did and she did in that relationship is over with. There is nothing you can do at this point but let her be and allow her to be happy in her own little world. You are no longer a part of it. What it reads is... "you were a pest, you didn't listen, bugger off, bu-bye"

[DenverBachelor]

It says, "I would rather be lonely then be with you."

 

Or it says, "I'm full of BS and I'm seeing someone right now but you don't need to know the details of my life anymore."

 

In any case, it couldn't have been more straight-forward and clear. That ship has set sail and it is now well beyond the horizon.

 

The only thing left is for you to find your own ship and set sail -- just not in the same direction as her ship.

[moondog627]

For the love of God do not send this girl another THING. Move on.

[DenverBachelor]

Yes, sending her a letter was the absolute worst thing I could think of doing so early in NC. Anything less than 60 days is not nearly enough time to heal and enjoy space. Sending that letter was akin to loading a gun, shooting yourself in the foot and then hopping around screaming and cursing.

 

Sometimes NC protects us from "harsh truths" and gives us a slide to slide down so we can land back on Earth gently without having to know those harsh truths. You just got shoved off a cliff of pain.

[Nappyloxs]

I sent a totally different letter than the one I posted yesterday.

 

I panicked because I did not expect a response. I don't really even care what she wrote. Thanks for the input that it is cold and mean, because to me it was just a response.

 

I wanted to respond at first, but I haven't. I don't know what to do. I am just going to try and breath right now. My heart is racing at 500,000 b/p/s.

 

I do believe that not responding, especially today, is best.

 

The letter I sent did not even have to deal with coming back. I just simply said what I love about her as a person.

 

I want to respond with something along the lines of not even wanting what we use to have. I know that we can't go back to that, and honestly, I don't want that. After these months apart, I learned that our relationship was boring. I want something new and better with her.

 

I also want to let her know that I understand that she felt trapped in the relationship and that it was stall. That I understand that she is happy, because of the new found freedom.

[Nappyloxs]

FYI: the last part of her message isn't even her!!!! "live every day as if its your last." I know this girl, and I know once again she is repeating what someone told her to say.!!!!

 

Frustrating.

[DenverBachelor]

Well do you want to get back together with her because you really love "her" or do you want to get back together with her because you want to prove something about or to yourself?

 

There is nothing to respond with -- there never will be. It is absolutely over. I hate to be so direct about it, but that's the truth.

 

You also say on one hand that it is just a response and on the other you say you are panicking and your heart-rate is skyrocketing. So which is it? You can't pretend not to care when you do. You obviously do. You can lie to other people but you can't lie to yourself -- and if you keep trying you will never be able to sustain a meaningful relationship with anyone.

 

There are plenty of hot women in Denver. I'm not so sure going to bars is the best place to meet them. I really don't care since I'm taking a few months off to figure my own things out.

 

But she's gone and you need to accept that. There is nothing you can do to get her back. She's made up her mind. I know it sucks. I'm sorry.

[Clabs]

Nap

 

Sorry mate - I know this is a smack in the face to you.

 

You followed your heart and got a VERY clear response. She doesn't want to have anything more to do with you. I am not trying to be insensitive - just telling it like it is.

 

You must not contact her anymore - you need to respect her decision and also respect yourself. Know when there is nothing left.

 

Back into NC mate and walk away from this knowing you tried everything you could.

 

Hugs bud.

 

Mark

[doiiiieeezie]

You need to let it go.. it's done for now, heck it may be for good. Three months is nothing at all.

 

Question is, do you really love her? If you do, let her be. If you just want to win this, then pester her until she calls the cops. I guarantee it will not act well.

 

The focus is on you and you only... do you need to be with her or any other woman at this moment? If the answer is yes, then you need to find out why. If it's no, then be good to yourself and let it go.

 

Either way, sending her another word will never work things out. She was blunt, and it's time for you to let go.

[Nappyloxs]

Hope that provides a little more insight to my crazy and delusional mind.

[feelingitnow]

For the love of God do not send this girl another THING. Move on.

 

DITTO on that. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.

 

Please do NOT contact this girl, ever, ever, ever, ever again. Ever. There is no hope. She told you loud and clear. Do not look for hope here, because there is none. You went like 12 days of NC before sending this -- and you broke it as many have. Many here have had hope of reconciling, of being friends; many do not; all are trying to focus on themselves. This girl is GONE from your life forever and wants nothing to do with you. You need to accept that, get rid of anything that reminds you of her, and imagine in your mind that she has died. She keeps living inside of you, the conversations, everything -- you need to think of her as dead and move on with your life. She is no longer there, she will never be there, and you need to accept this because right now you continue to be in the denial stages of the grief process. You continue to try and hold onto threads of hope.

 

Sign up for online dating/personals services, go running, go to the gym, buy some new clothes. Go out to the club. Go back to college, get a new degree.

 

This girl is NEVER going to be in your life again in any way, and she told you so herself. Stop analyzing her words as she was and do what she said -- live life to the fullest. If what she said means anything to you, if you respect her, if you really love her, then you will do what will make her happy. She wants you to live your life to the fullest -- and you aren't doing that right now. You're still stuck remembering her as she was back then, and she clearly is not. She is now a diffrent person, and the person she was and the relationship that was is gone forvever. She has moved on. You have the closure that you need. it's time to give it up. Stop thinking about her. Stop contacting her. You don't want her to file stalking charges or worse, if you continue to contact her, which some people are prone to do if they continue to be contacted after requesting to be left alone. She wants to be left alone.

 

Please, PLEASE get rid of any reminders you have of her; there is NO hope left here. You need to process that, move from denial to acceptance, and please do not do anything that reminds you of her. Maybe do a closure ritual -- throw everything she gave you into a trash can at the spot where you first met each other or something (I did that once to find my own closure for an ex) -- burn a picture of her, do anything you can to really symbolize that this is OVER. For good.

 

Sorry if I sound strict here, and I am a firm believer in optimism even for my own situation which is improving -- but here you cannot get false hope from seeing the progress that others may be making in reconciling with their exes. You need to do NC, and you need to move on. This is a no brainer situation. There is NO HOPE so stop thinking that there is; sorry if I keep repeating this but it is so loud and clear, that if you think anything other than this then you are only seeing what you want to see. It's like you imagining inside your head that something is still there that is not; stop holding on, you have to let her go. It hurts. But it's the truth, she is gone. She will never come back. There is no hope here, the only hope is for yourself to heal and get out of this rut please FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. It hurts me to read about your suffering, and what I am saying here is the truth, as everyone unanimously agrees -- PLEASE do some new stuff with your life the next few weeks. Move your room around, change things, make yourself feel like a different person. Shave your head. Dye your hair surfer boy blond. Just stop holding onto her. PLEASE; let the suffering end and the true healing begin. And I am saying this from experience, I have been so stuck on someone before where I could not let go until they said to me outright "we will NEVER be together, ever, ever again..." then I was able to accept it and move on. She is telling you that now. There is NO HOPE here.

 

Please stop torturing yourself man, I've been there -- it hurts but you have to let her go. Every time you think of her, try to imagine the word "me" there instead -- you need to redirect back to yourself, that is what you need to do. She does not exist any more in the present or and will not exist in the future. Do whatever you have to do to process that -- anger usually follows the acceptance stage of grief I think so you may want to rip up pictures and let the anger out and frustration, but after that things will be OK. Just please get off of the denial, it really hurts me to read your posts and how you keep holding on. Let her GO and let's see new posts about what you have been doing for yourself.

 

New posts should be about YOURSELF, not about HER. She does not exist. She is gone. Banished. It's all about YOU from here on out.

 

I'm just trying to help you to understand, because this is just absolute torture you are putting yourself through -- it's masochistic. Eliminate her from your thoughts, write a story about your feelings, get it all out, and then set it on fire or rip it up and flush it down the toilet or something. I just find closure rituals to be very helpful and important and therapeutic for me, so it's just something that I am suggesting. She has given you that closure note, but you need to find closure in yourself by ACCEPTING that she is gone and releasing your hope like a little boy letting go of the balloon string he's been holding into at the county fair. Watch that red balloon lift far, far away...see it disappear into the clouds, you don't know where it went; you don't care, it's gone forever and out of your reach. That balloon is HER.

 

Watch her fly away...

 

Grieve for her...and if it means anything to you, download this song/read the lyrics, because it's how you need to feel, it should be your message to her:

 

Just walk on by...

 

Walk On By

Dionne Warwick

 

If you see me walking down the street

And I start to cry each time we meet

Walk on by, walk on by

 

Make believe

that you don't see the tears

Just let me grieve

in private 'cause each time I see you

I break down and cry

And walk on by (don't stop)

And walk on by (don't stop)

And walk on by

 

I just can't get over losing you

And so if I seem broken and blue

Walk on by, walk on by

 

Foolish pride

Is all that I have left

So let me hide

The tears and the sadness you gave me

When you said goodbye

Walk on by

and walk on by

and walk by (don't stop)

 

Walk on by, walk on by

Foolish pride

Is all that I have left

So let me hide

The tears and the sadness you gave me

When you said goodbye

Walk on by (don't stop)

and walk on by (don't stop)

and walk by (don't stop)

[jimmajam]

I think saying nothing says the most right now. She is telling you go away. So go away. Show her that you can do whatever you want in life. There is no way she can ever say you didn't love her or that you didn't try. she's going to look really stupid if she ever tries to come back after that message.

 

At least you get closure. You can go on assuming it will never happen now. And when she does pop up again you can have satisfaction that you moved on and she's living in the past and being a hypocrite.

[Nappyloxs]

I think saying nothing says the most right now. She is telling you go away. So go away. Show her that you can do whatever you want in life. There is no way she can ever say you didn't love her or that you didn't try. she's going to look really stupid if she ever tries to come back after that message.

 

At least you get closure. You can go on assuming it will never happen now. And when she does pop up again you can have satisfaction that you moved on and she's living in the past and being a hypocrite.

 

Thanks.

 

I really appreciate all the posts. It hurts me more than initially did. But thanks. especially from the women point of view. Thanks Feelingitnow.

 

I know I did everything I could to try and communicate to her about what has been on my mind since the breakup. Some was needy, some was just blaming, some was from the heart. So many stages. I knew this without her sending it. I just did not want to believe it because it was a "possibility" to me like many other possibilities that ran through my mind.

 

What you say is true, jimmajam. I was actually just talking about something similar before I received the email.

[feelingitnow]

Thanks.

 

I really appreciate all the posts. It hurts me more than initially did. But thanks. especially from the women point of view. Thanks Feelingitnow.

 

I know I did everything I could to try and communicate to her about what has been on my mind since the breakup. Some was needy, some was just blaming, some was from the heart. So many stages. I knew this without her sending it. I just did not want to believe it because it was a "possibility" to me like many other possibilities that ran through my mind.

 

What you say is true, jimmajam. I was actually just talking about something similar before I received the email.

 

 

What are FIVE things you are going to do solely for YOURSELF tomorrow?

[Nappyloxs]

What are FIVE things you are going to do solely for YOURSELF tomorrow?

 

you must have been reading me mind.

[Nappyloxs]

Okay had to breath again for a while and just think.

 

My mind is a little clear now.

 

I am not responding to her. After tonight, she is dead to me. Even if she comes back in the future. I am not going to just allow her to walk back into my life.

 

I am seriously going to use this as motivation for the next chapter in my life.

 

Feelingitnow, you talked about throwing stuff away that reminds me of her. I did that three months ago. But what I really have to throw away is myself of the last 2.5 years. Screw fond memories of her. Eventually, I will forgive her in my heart as that is my nature. But I have to change as a person.

 

I have gone through breakups before and worst things than breakups and came out on top each time. I will come through on top from this. But I am go to change.

 

I am friends with both of my ex. before her. My one ex. been a good friend during the last three month. I am not going to be friends with her, ever. So that is one change. The nice me that was there no matter what is gone, at least with her.

 

Another change is I am going to attempt to quit smoking and start exercising more. If I quit her. I can quit smoking. Exercise just to get the mind and body right. She goes to the gym right down the street from my office, but I will just join the one that is a little further away so I don't see her.

 

Social life. I am not completely sure where to proceed. I use to be big into clubs. Not sure if I really want to go that route. I have been trying it since the breakup, but I really don't enjoy them as much. One main problem with the breakup was that I moved to a new city almost 2 years ago. She moved out here with me two months later. So all the friends I have are couples. Luckily, most are my friends even though she keeps in touch with the females on Facebook. So with social life. I am going to get out there a lot harder, not just clubs, but other things too.

 

I want to take a trip to visit my best friend, so I will do that before the end of the year. I just have to do the logistics of it.

 

NC no problem as I have no passion whatsoever to contact her again. Honestly, if she were to contact me anytime soon, she can go to he&&.

 

I am not a hateful person. I really do not like hating people, especially someone I say I love. But I must use the hate in my heart for the time being as motivation. I will forgive her one day when the love is gone.

 

Five things: I don't know about tomorrow

1) go to the quit smoking session

2) work out

3) acupuncture - I always wanted to try it.

4) basketball game - why not go to a basketball game for kicks.

5) hockey game - never been to a hockey game.