I'm living with the devil in disguise!

[Ashley1640]

Argh. Here goes..

 

My husband and I(and 4month old daughter) are currently having to live with my parents. My husband was layed off almost a year ago(a week before Christmas), and he wasn't able to start the Police Academy until March this year. [There are 3 different salaries: police academy salary, training salary, then career salary which won't start til he's out of training in March 2010 - once he starts his career, he'll also be able to do extra jobs, which means that's where most of his money will be coming from]. So in other words, this entire time we've experienced a different amount of pay which we didn't think was enough to have an apartment or house, so we decided to suck it up until March 2010. If it was just us, it would be different.. but we have a baby to worry about. Anyway, so that's that issue that we have to deal with.

^Oh, I don't work. I'm currently going to college and getting my nursing degree. If I were to go out and get a job, I'd simply be paying for child care - and besides, I want to raise my baby. BUT, I do plan on getting a small part-time job that I can work at when my husband is home and can watch the baby.

..So that's the reason WHY we can't move out. Now to the real problem.

 

My grandmother is 82 years old, and decides to move in with us. Which means now there are 4 generations of women in the same house, plus my husband and dad. Everyone in the house gets along, except for me/my husband and grandmother. She has caused so much drama and frustration that I really have NO idea what to do, other than to complain to these forums to let loose of built up irritation for the past year.

 

1) She is a PURE slob. Slob is probably the nice word for her. She keeps EVERYTHING, she's a pack-rat. And not only does she keep it all, but it all smells like cat pee because when she had her own home she was the crazy cat lady and let her cats roam wherever they wanted. My mom and I are very anal about keeping the house clean, we like it spotless. But when my grandma came to live with us she has turned our home upside down. Whenever my gmaw leaves to spend time with my aunt and uncle, my mom always says, "OH I'm going to tell her that she HAS to start picking up her stuff when she comes back!" But then she NEVER stands up to her mother and says, "Look, this is my house and I like it clean. Quit being a pack rat and slob!" I understand that she's 82 and cannot CLEAN persay, but if she reads a newspaper she can throw it away when she's done rather than KEEPING IT for a supposed later use!

 

2) She has issues.. it's been YEARS and she can't get over stuff. Major grudge holder, and WE are the ones who have to listen to it. When she was living with my other aunt and uncle in Florida for two years, she learned to hate them. Supposedly her son wouldn't stand up to his wife, and now my gmaw practically hates them both and talks major crap about them and my aunt's daughter and grandkids. My aunt(married in) had a garage sale and "supposedly" went through my grandmother's stuff and sold my grandmother's dead husband's golf clubs(he's been dead for 20 years), and a sewing machine(also very old). My grandmother has held a grudge about this crap and we hear about it everyday.

-My aunt says my grandmother told her she could get rid of the golf clubs and sewing machine. But even if she didn't, WHO CARES? I'd be mad for like, a day.... it's been YEARS and she's still pissed off. Forgive and forget! Sheesh. You're 82, you won't live long.. wouldn't you rather be a happy old camper than a pissed off one?

 

3) She makes moves.. ON MY HUSBAND. She's disgusting. The other day my gmaw, mom, me and my husband were in our upstairs living room watching me play guitar hero. I wasn't looking obviously, but my grandmother slid her hand up the back of my husband's leg(like, his thigh and up) and said, "Oohh isn't my hand cold!!??" My husband jumped out of his skin and said, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?" She's done this before, always touching him. She's grabbed or spanked his butt a good handful of times. My husband gets SUPER pissed, but to save a family fight(yes my mom would flip out if anyone ever flipped on her mother), he holds it in and then lets out his frustration about it all when we're alone and can talk. We've told my mom about it everytime, that way she can lay down the law with my grandmother - but she KEEPS doing it. Therefore I doubt very seriously my mom grew the balls to stand up to her mother and say, "hey, stop it!" I don't stand up to my grandmother EITHER, because it will cause a family fight and my mom would go nuts.

-While I was pregnant, approx 4 months pregnant, I let my grandmother have it - with my mom in the room. I just screamed at her about everything, I let my frustration out. Told her how she needed to keep her paws to herself and how she is a guest in our home and needs to act like a guest rather than junking up our home. Of course, nothing changed, and my mom was mad at me for a while.

 

4) My grandmother is ALSO a hypochrondriac!!! AND my mom knows this, first hand! My mom and her 3 brothers have all had major heartattacks. So my grandma thinks when she has indegestion that she's having a heartattack(everytime she spends days in the hospital due to her age and her complaint, but they never find anything). When someone has a migraine, all of a sudden my grandmother has one. If my mom has an arm pain, my grandmother says, "OH what did we DO? I have the same pain!" If my mom's hip hurts, my grandmother's hip hurts.... and on and on and ON! I understand that when you get older your body starts falling apart, but, really? Seriously? The only reason she says she's in pain is because she thinks she has a chance of getting my mom's pain killers. My mom had diverticulitis and had to have surgery, and they prescribed her pain killers(vicodin, very addictive). Everytime my mom would take one, my grandmother would complain of SOMETHING and she would get her candy to pop in her mouth. My mom finally started lying to her and said she didn't have any. That's partly true, as my grandmother ended up using my mom's entire prescription and mom had to ask for more from doctor. Oh, and my grandmother is addicted to NyQuil or anything that has alcohol to knock you out. (She's an ex-alcoholic, we believe she just traded her alcoholism for other stuff like pills). My mom now hides her medicine and doesn't complain about anything. We also cannot take her to any grocery stores or pharmacies because she will run and grab her some medicine.

 

5) On top of EVERYTHING that she does... she's extremely rude to me AND my baby, and THEN when my mom comes home from work she acts like a little angel to me. She's hateful. She will outright ignore me if I talk to her. Or she'll just be a devil and be downright mean. Then as soon as my mom walks in the door, she puts that halo on and runs to my mom and takes up my mom's attention and energy. My mom and I never get alone time with her around. Whenever my mom comes to talk to me, here comes grandma right behind her - then my grandma will also talk to me in front of my mom. Being the nice little sweet grandma she is to me and my daughter. One time when I was in the shower, my daughter started crying(she was sitting in the chair right in front of the shower), my grandma came in the bathroom, took the baby, and when i got out of the shower to get my daughter my grandma was pounding on my daughter's chest to "get her to quit crying." You know how you hit the back of a baby's back when you burp them? It was like that, but with more pressure, aimed at my baby's chest. It REALLY made me mad, considering what was wrong was that she just had a dirty diaper. She was screaming even more because my grandma was apparently hurting her.

 

6) She's a little dang annoying "bird!" Whenever someone fixes food for themselves(yes we ask her if she wants anything, she always replies no!), she comes in and says, "Watcha eatin?!" And then takes a bite out of your food or sticks her finger in whatever you're eating to taste it. That's something husband and wife do. My husband ran to get some sushi the other night and I wanted part of a crab puff, my husband started laughing at me and we were just goofing off and flirting - then my grandmother comes over and snatches a crab puff without asking. My husband and I just look at each other trying not to explode on something so little, but something that after everything has happened with her, REALLY irritates us!

 

 

I'm sorry this post is extremely long. I'm just SO tired of her. I've never hated anyone in my life, and I truly hate her. I just want her to go away and go live with other family.. but no one else wants her because they see all this crap she does and they don't want her around!!

[riley123]

Of course, nothing changed, and my mom was mad at me for a while.

 

Wow, that's quite a situation. But like you said, screaming about it won't change anything -- potentially it could make things worse.

 

I think the bottom line is that there are a lot of people with strong personalities living under the same roof. Obviously, it's going to be stressful.

 

I think the thing to do is to focus on the future. The good news is that there end date -- March 2010 -- so this won't last forever. Maybe one day you'll even look back on this time and laugh!

 

Maybe try and get out of the house more. Go for walks with your husband or baby, go to a bookstore, go for drives, go shopping with your mom -- do anything that gets you out of the house and that you enjoy. I think that would go a long way in helping you deal.

[Catdancer]

I dont really have anything constructive to say, but I did want to say I'm sorry. Sounds pretty lame, but it's all I have. Essentially you guys are stuck until you can afford to get your own place. Hang in there and keep venting. Dont hold all this crap inside you.

[norsewoman]

Grandma is mentally ill, and might be getting alzheimer's to boot. Hoarding disorder is usually something that needs to be dealt with through counseling. She can't just quit being a slob, not without some help. Her grabbing your hubs is why I think she might have alzheimer's...inappropriate behavior can be a sign of that. A trip to the doctor might be in order for her.

 

With that said, I understand that it would be hellish to live in the same house with her. Your mom's wishes trump yours, however. After all, it's your mom's place and you and your husband and daughter are guests as well. Look at it this way...a few more months of this, and the money from your husband's new career will start coming in. Then, you and your family can get out of your mom's house and regain some sanity.

 

Take care...

[Ashley1640]

haha thanks. yeah there just isn't much we can do! I have found though that if I vent to my husband he gets a tad stressed, so I keep it inside. But that's never a good thing, hence the forum venting.

 

I have a very strong personality, so does my mom.. and so does my grandmother. I just don't understand my mom. Whenever my grandmother is away, she says all this stuff that's going to change and how it'll be better, yadda yadda. Then when gmaw comes back, she like.. gives up. I can understand that it's her mother and why she wants her here, but.. I don't know.

Maybe this is a bratty thing to say, but I'll say it anyway. My mom is the type to cause a fuss if anyone hurts me. She's pretty protective over me, in a good sense, she's a wonderful mother. But it's like she allows and condones my grandmother to treat me this way. Her excuse is always, "She's 82 years old, Ashley, she doesn't mean it!" Yet that's just it - she's always been that way as far as I can tell. My grandmother is EXTREMELY selfish! When my mom was growing up my grandmother was an alcoholic, would go to parties and ignore the kids pretty much. My mom only had one bra going up, didn't have dolls or barbies because my grandma wanted to spend all their money on alcohol. When my grandparents were divorced, my grandmother remarried an alcoholic. When my mom was a young adult, she came home late hanging out with one of her girlfriends and her stepdad was drunk(of course), and picked my mom up off the floor and threw her up against a book shelf and then threw her on my grandmother's bed - with my grandmother in it. Nothing was said. My grandmother didn't stand up to him at all, instead she condoned his behavior. She "loved" him.

It's a never ending story and circle with my grandmother. It just boils down to that she doesnt' care about anyone but herself and she's now using my mom as a place to stay because she knows she has nowhere to go. No one wants her, and I guess she can't afford an assisted living around here because they're all $2k+ a month.

[Tetsuo_Shima]

Wow. What a piece of work from what your telling us. These kinds of people never change. Not trying to be mean but have you thought about placing her in a home? Sometimes people are so destructive to our lives that no matter how much you love them you need to get away from them. Secondly, That sounds like physical child abuse to me to pound on a 4 year old girls chest to make her stop crying. Crying is an attempt to let someone know something is wrong(when not used as a manipulation tactic). Hitting the poor child is only going to make it worse. Sounds to me like you need to show grandma the door. And lock it before she comes back.

 

It's your house and your mother's house right right? You laid down the ground rules and they are not being followed. There for show her to the road and tell her to start walking. If she can't afford a place, tell her to get social assitance or sell the pack rat crap and get her own place. Otherwise. Get her in a home. It sounds like the last straw is about to be plucked from the hand in your situation.

[Ashley1640]

No one will take her to see the doctor!! lol. They just deal with it and are just as miserable. She has signs of alzheimer's, but my mom says it's useless to take her to the doctor because there is nothing they can do about it.

 

My grandmother has some serious mental illness, you are right. She has chronic depression and is on prozac - but none of it helps. If she would concentrate on her life and future, she wouldn't be depressed. She's stuck in the past, which is causing her anger and depression. She always says how she wants to kill herself and the only thing that holds her back is that it's a sin. LoL? can you say selfish? What about your kids, grandkids, great grandkids? She's just worried that she would go to Hell rather than Heaven. Yeah, okay.

 

She's like a booger that just needs to be flicked back to Florida. haha

[Ashley1640]

Secondly, That sounds like physical child abuse to me to pound on a 4 year old girls chest to make her stop crying.

 

4 MONTH old. =) Even worse. I called my mom crying(we're extremely close and I knew she was able to calm me down) - but you know what she ended up saying? "Oh Ashley, she was just trying to help I'm sure. She didn't mean it, she wouldn't hurt the baby."

 

Yeah, you didn't think your mother would ever let some alcoholic throw you up against a bookshelf, did you?

 

She's ALWAYS making excuses for my grandmother. Always always always!

[jengh]

The Alzheimer's is a good thought. Has she been checked out for that?

 

The only solution is putting the devil incarnate in a nursing home or "re-homing" her with other relatives... otherwise you're just going to have to suck it up. Seriously though--I'm REALLY sorry. This sounds like a complete nightmare

[Catdancer]

Just a side note....I would move heaven and hell to keep the old bitty away from my baby! Through her attitude, selfishness, and desire to have all the attention, I would be afraid that she would do something to the baby.

[Ashley1640]

OH I am. That's why I won't leave my daughter alone with her. I don't even like her holding my baby. I always supervise. But, then again, it's not that often because she doesn't want anything to do with us until my mom is around. lol

 

For the longest time, I thought maybe she wouldn't talk to us much because we stayed upstairs most of the day and she didn't want to walk up the stairs. Legit, right? I was starting to make excuses for her. But to test my theory, I started moving things downstairs so we would be down here more in the open living room area. She walks by like we don't exist, makes herself food and doesn't offer me any. She will ONLY talk to me if I strike up the conversation.

 

It's so sad. Grandparents are supposed to be the loving, adoring, spoiling and happy people. My grandma is the anti-Christ. She hates everything except herself and whatever book she's reading to occupy her life sentence as she views it. My dad's mother died of alzheimer's about 8 to 10 years ago. She was suuuch a sweetheart. She was a very good grandmother. She may not have spoiled with gifts, but man did she spoil us with her love. She loved everyone and their flaws. To me she was the epitome of a grandma! SHE is my grandmother, my true grandmother. My mom's mom is sadly just the devil in disguise to me.

[norsewoman]

Maybe you could find a cheap apartment somewhere, just to get away. Or, as Tetsuo suggested, a nursing home?

[Ashley1640]

getting any apartment at this point is out of the question considering the main reason we are staying with my parents: paying off debt and saving for a house.

 

no one will look into putting her into a home but me. i tried but my mom said it was too expensive. i thought about telling her that her and her brothers could pitch in each month to help.. but, that's DOING something about it so that's probbably out of the question.

 

im just expected to get over it and let her treat me this way, because she's old and it's apparently ok to be a rude grouch once you hit a certain age. at least on my mom's side of the family.

 

argh

[absinthe]

This really does sound like an tough situation. Your grandmother is not nice people and won't change, since she's an 82 year old alcoholic, whether she's drinking or not.

 

The good news is that you only have six more months to put up with this and then you're free. Your mother on the otherhand, is in the middle of this situation. Even when you leave, your mother is trapped with your grandmother, possibly for the balance of your grandmother's lifespan.

 

I know this isn't easy and I sympathize with your impossible situation. But your mother wouldn't be the wonderful person she is, if she ejected your grandmother, since she has nowhere to go. Sometimes family love has no bounds.

 

If at all possible, try to grin and bear it, if only for your mother's sake. I would recommend that you put a lock on your door, for the safety of your child.

 

Kudos to both you and your husband for putting up with so much crap. Just a little longer with taking the high road and then, you're home free.

[FarthestEdge]

My grandmother has some serious mental illness, you are right. She has chronic depression and is on prozac - but none of it helps. If she would concentrate on her life and future, she wouldn't be depressed. She's stuck in the past, which is causing her anger and depression. She always says how she wants to kill herself and the only thing that holds her back is that it's a sin. LoL? can you say selfish? What about your kids, grandkids, great grandkids? She's just worried that she would go to Hell rather than Heaven. Yeah, okay.

 

She's 82. Statistically speaking, every breath she takes is one more than she should have expected. Her husband died 20 years ago. She is now dependant on her daughter & granddaughter & living in a house where she is expected to follow the rules by (not set them for) her daughter & granddaughter. She may have Alzheimers or some other mild form of dementia, and aware that those memories, which are all she has, are evaporating. She may also be depressed. Wouldn't you be? 20 years without the love of your life, nothing but cat-pee scented reminders of times where you felt young and alive?

 

I know it's frustrating, but one day she'll be gone. Try to find ways to just deal and not take it personally. She's 82, she's not going to change. All you can do is change how you react to her.

 

Edit to add: Don't let her handle the baby if she concerns you, just say "Oh, Gma, you shouldn't have to deal with her, I'll handle it".

 

What would she do if you're hubby exclaimed "Oi- you dirty bird! I'm not "? Would it embarrass her? Otherwise, his best bet is physical distance. If she leaves a newspaper on the table- put it in the recycling...My guess is she won't even ask for it.

 

Accept the things you cannot change- in this case, her habits and way of being

 

Change the things you can- find workarounds to make it less frustrating, joke about it to vent "Gma- get you're own guy- this one's mine!"

 

Know the difference. Because once she's gone, you won't have a chance to do anything differently.

 

I am not trying to guilt you. I am trying to caution you. Assume that age/illness prevents her from being any other way, and it may be less frustrating.

 

Good luck- it's only a few more months until you move, you can make it.....

[norsewoman]

The good news is that you only have six more months to put up with this and then you're free. Your mother on the otherhand, is in the middle of this situation. Even when you leave, your mother is trapped with your grandmother, possibly for the balance of your grandmother's lifespan.

 

Yes...and remember, just as you and your mom have your own relationship dynamic, so does your mom with hers. It might be very difficult for your mom to say "no" to hers.

 

Hang in there, and I agree with absinthe- get a lock for your door. I know the next six months can't pass quickly enough for you!

[Ashley1640]

Thanks FarthestEdge. No guilt trip at all. I was hoping someone would post something around the same lines as you did.

I was really starting to think that maybe it was just me, that I was the 'bad guy' since my mom always makes me feel like it's my fault.

 

I'll do what I can. Or continue to do what I've been doing. Just ignore it the best way I can.

[Ashley1640]

Freaking pathetic. It's always "my" fault. Maybe I'm being the brat, I don't know.. but this is suuure pissing me the hell off.

One washer, one dryer.. just like any other household. Except we have 5 adults and a baby in this house. Just like regular people, we do clothes once a week. However, whenever I start washing clothes.. that's when my gmaw remembers she has clothes to wash. i'll have multiple loads to do, normally 1 whites, 2 darks, and 1 baby stuff. that would be a days work, except that our dryer is stupid and i have to dry clothes at LEAST twice(70 min cycle, two times.. so that's 140min, 2.5 hrs for one load). So yeah, it normally takes me two days to do clothes..... except that my gmaw ALWAYS comes in behind me and throws her load in before I can get to the next.

 

My mom and I were just on the phone and we get to talking about the laundry ordeal and how my mom is going to schedule days for us to do clothes. She then tells me how my gmaw says that it's my fault it takes so long because "I leave clothes in the dryer." .. I leave clothes in the dryer so that they will DRY completely. Don't freaking rush me woman, the dryer won't dry faster.

 

My mom was irritated that she couldn't find clothes to wear this morning. I tell her it's because gmaw did her clothes and you never know where she puts them. I also tell her that there is a basket full of the white clothes she was looking for outside her bedroom. I put them there so that my gmaw would finish what she started. My mom is like, "Well I don't expect her to do my clothes." Yet she used to get SO mad at me for not doing her clothes.

It's a double standard. I hate this effing house and a stupid person in it. I want to take my baby and my husband and go live in a freaking card board box. I need a punching bag. This is so stupid I get so upset about stuff so little, but I cannot take her. I'm about to blow up on her if she says one more thing to me. ESPECIALLY her line of, "What are you doing to MY baby!?" .. when MY daughter is crying because she is hungry. It's not YOUR baby and I'M not doing anything to hurt her.

[absinthe]

Ashley, not one single member has said it was your fault. If anything, I think everyone sympathizes with you.

 

But the reality is, that your grandmother is too old to change and right now, this has become a power struggle between herself and you.

 

Try to view her as a 5 year old child because that's the emotional level she's at now. Would you feel the same way about a child?

 

I'm trying to find a way for you to not stress yourself out about her, over the next six months of having to live there.

 

For example, now that you know she will automatically follow up with laundry when you do yours, why not just expect this to happen and do a load a day? Must your laundry be done in one day? In essence, who's needs matter more or do you all have needs and try to work around the other, giving some concessions to the 5 year old.

[Ashley1640]

I understand what you're saying. I know I need to be the more adult person and just not let it get to me and figure ways around it all. But it's probably the most difficult thing I've done, lol. I mean, really.. what type of person despises someone in their own family? I'm so mad. And it's really affecting mine and my mom's relationship. I just want to scream at her and say get her out! ..But if the tables were turned, I couldn't throw MY mom out. So I understand my mom's side..sometimes..most of the time.. My immaturity just really comes out when my gmaw is involved. She just gets soo under my skin.

 

I've never ever been one to hold a grudge. But after EVERYTHING I've gone through with her in the past 2 years, I just want her gone. She's apparently going back to Florida come December for a dr appt.. thank God. But for how long? She's NEVER gone long. I can't get a real break from this witch.

[absinthe]

I'd be tempted to run out and get a bag of dog chews, just to get rid of some of the frustation of having to deal with someone like this. Once again, I don't blame you one bit for being frustrated and angry, since you're trapped in a negative dynamic.

 

Remember, she's five years old!

[Ashley1640]

After a week of keeping this all bottled up, I finally.. unwillingly but NEEDING TO, talked to my mom. I'm crying so hard I can barely catch my breath.

 

I just flat out told her how I feel. I'm so tired of my gmaw being fake. She ignores me and the baby all day long until my mom walks in the door and then she acts interested in us. Of course I've had people dislike me or hate me, but I've never LIVED with them. So it was easy to ignore and go about life.. extremely easy. It never bothered me. And THIS wouldn't bother me IF she didn't live with us. It wouldn't bother me if she didn't have a hold on my mom. My mom said, "Well fine let me call my brother." As in she would call him and get gmaw to go stay with him and his wife. BUT, I dont' want that because I know it would upset my mom. My gmaw helps out a lot financially, she's always giving my mom huge amounts of money each month. So I told my mom no, not to do that. But my mom told me she would give up anything if it meant our relationship would be okay. But then again I can't deal with my gmaw. If my gmaw stays, I get stressed.. and if I spill to my mom she gets stressed because she's at a loss of what to do[and i'm afraid she'll end up having another heartattack and it'll be my fault]. My mom said that she's not going to have one because of me, that if she ever has another heartattack it'll be because of financial reasons. Even more of a reason for gmaw to stay then, right?

 

lol. It's a vicious circle. But, my mom told me to go right up to my gmaw and ask her bluntly, "Why don't you like me? Or why do you act like you don't like me and my baby?" and see what she has to say. My mom said she can only say two things. Give me reasons as to why she doesn't like me, or tell me I'm delusional. My response to my mom was, she'll ask me why I would ever think that.. and i'm supposed to give her reasons. But is that REALLY what I want to do? Ask her that? Possibly open a can of you know what and a fight break out? My mom said I should stay calm and count, but I'm more afraid of my gmaw's reaction.

[Ashley1640]

If I could, I would continue doing what I've been doing: ignoring it the best way I can. But I really think I can't get a handle on my emotions because of the post-baby hormones. Not the depression, just the HORMONES. [been depressed before, I'm not at allllll depressed now]. And if I ignore it like I have been this entire week, I will get depressed keeping it all to myself. All week I've been distant from my family, my mom and husband have been wondering what the heck is wrong with me.

 

I just want to DEAL with her. I WANT to be the adult and just ignore it all. Good God I've never had this issue before. I feel sooo rotten and immature, not to mention selfish! This isn't me. =(

[FarthestEdge]

Hmmm. Laundry.- Do you think she's hoping that by appearing with her laundry when you are doing yours that you might say "Oh Gmaw, Let me do that for you?" Not saying you SHOULD feel you have to, just asking WHY do you think she does this stuff?

 

She sounds really passive aggressive. But she could also just be bitter & lonely. Hard to say.

 

If your mom is ok with you confronting her. Then why not? But think about what you have to say. Try to ask questions, and if you must insinuate intent on her part,give her the benefit of the doubt. "I don't understand why you don't spend time with me & my baby unless my mom is here. Do we make you feel unwelcome in our lives?" instead of "Why do you pretend we don't exist until your daughter is around. What did I do to make you dislike me so much?" Really, the same questions are being asked, but the framing of the questions really change the tone of the conversation.

 

Maybe, just maybe, she feels uncomfortable around you. Realizes you don't want her there and so stays out of your way until her daughter gets home. Then acts all interested because she feels safe that you won't reject her in front of your mother?

 

I don't know. All I am saying is your assumptions are just that- assumptions. They may be right,or they may be horribly wrong. I know she sounds like a vicious woman, but even vicious bitter old women have their story.

 

She may be jealous of your youth, health and happy marriage. You don't know.

 

Honestly, if you can find a way to pity her even, it might help you to accept the way she is...That sounds awful, I know...

 

If I think of anything else, I'll let you know.

[Ashley1640]

Thanks again. I really like your opinions on this.

 

I did feel pity for a while. I began to understand things and feel sorry for her. This was while she was away for 2 weeks. As soon as she came home that feeling completely went away, mostly after she touched my husband inappropriately.

 

My neighbor just came over and agreed with my mom - talk to her, ask her what the deal is. I normally do not have an issue being confrontational. It's in my nature to be straight forward and blunt. But for some odd crazy reason I just can't grow the balls to ask her. Whether it's asking her nicely and in a conversational way or breaking down the door and throwing a temper tantrum. Which I wouldn't do, but.. you get the point.

 

I think I may be scared that it IS an assumption. That she may simply just not know what to talk about, and that's why she never talks to me or the baby.

But I'm also scared that she will say that I'm not right, but only say that to save face. And because I approached her with this, it will give her a reason[in her mind] to be meaner and ruder, and possibly take it out on my daughter. It's incredibly crazy I think this, but it's my gut feeling. I mean, she has given me reason to feel this way.. it's not like I made the entire story up in my mind. She IS rude. She DOES ignore me and my baby. She HAS made my baby cry from pain.