HeartBrokn Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 Well, I am getting a divorce and we are going to start the train in the next few weeks. I am just a little unsure of what I am going to do next. I mean I’ve been married for 10 years and I haven't dated since I was 19. I feel like I don't have much experience in the field especially after being in a long relationship. I am mostly a relationship person, however I fear jumping into another wrong relationship and regretting it like I did with this one. Does anyone have any advice how I should release myself back into the wild? I am like a lion that was raised in captivity and now being introduced into the wild without properly being used to dating jungle. I am not looking forward to the games, she likes me, she doesn't, this one is crazy, this one plays hard to get, and this one wants to Taser me. I was going to start with the dating sites, but what is that like? Do people look for hookups or is more of a relationship goal oriented group of people? Should I make my intentions know right away, should I play the game? Ahhhhhhhhhhhh make the pain stop. Also, as one famous comedian said, "if women didn't care about things I owned I would be living in a card board house" with that said. I have an old 97 Camaro and it's been my baby that I brought into marriage. It's a great car that is my true love, should I upgrade and will I be sending the wrong signals if I get a brand new SS Camaro? I mean I wouldn't mind hooking up every once in a while but I am mostly interested in meeting my potential mate I can have a solid long lasting relationship. Bottom line is I am confused, please someone un-confuse me! Thank you ](*,) Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 I'd just go out with the girls and have lotsa fun! Also dating sites are good. I think eharmony and link removed are meant to be good. Link to comment
HeartBrokn Posted November 9, 2009 Author Share Posted November 9, 2009 I'd just go out with the girls and have lotsa fun! Also dating sites are good. I think eharmony and link removed are meant to be good. Oh I very much plan too I guess I am a little intimidated. Also, one big thing is how comfortable I was around my wife, you know from dressing in my sweats and being very casual. I am not a slob, but I had a certain comfort that I don't foresee while I am single. Also, I guess what the tough part is going to be is when I used to be around my ex I didn't feel pressure to always come up with something interesting, or funny to say. As a single dude I am going to have to. I guess I just need to build up my game. Also, when I was single I remember being sort of unavailable to girls, if that makes any sense. Meaning that I wouldn't go blindly follow them and do everything they want me to do. Well 10 years of training by my exwife, in some ways I don't want to fall for that trap in a single realm. It's easy to be taken advantage off. Anyways, I guess I am worrying about it more than I should. As far as the dating world and protocol: Is it Step zero - Meet Step one - Go on a few Dates Step two - Start to become exclusive Step three - Become Boy/Girlfriend Step four - Talk about marriage Step five - Proposal and marriage Don't judge me I am scared Link to comment
AutumnBorn Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 Why are you even thinking about dating now? You aren't even divorced, let alone recovered. Take some time to rediscover yourself. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 Stop worrying! Go with the flow, you gotta find someone who will like you, for you. Link to comment
lostandhurt Posted November 10, 2009 Share Posted November 10, 2009 You are getting way ahead of yourself here. I know your instincts are telling you to couple again but you need to heal and find the person you once were before all this crap happened in your life. I can tell you this with all the experience I have gained these last almost two years. 1. Learn to be the best single parent you can possibly be. 2. Do not get into ANY relationship of any kind until you have healed enough. 3. There is no rush to "get back out there" It will keep. 4. There is much to finish off in your old life before you start a new one so be patient. I have waited and it has done wonders for me. I think I am ready to start dating but as you said it has been a long time. 20 years since I was last out on a date. Waiting has made me a better father and single dad. Waiting has also given me Smurf balls though! Lost Link to comment
seeksanswers Posted November 10, 2009 Share Posted November 10, 2009 I think you have enough on your hands right now to deal with in terms of your divorce... So don't focus too much on the next chapter until you have finished this one... I'm sure you want to think about the dating and the girls and the forward progress toward finding another mate... But you need to realize that that is just your excitement and your positive outlook of what is on the other side of this... You are likely unconsciously trying to figure out how future women will like you to fill the void that your soon to be ex-wife isn't liking you... In other words - you don't need to prove to yourself that woman will like you... There's tons of women out there that will like you. What I am hearing from your posts is that you want to try your hardest to look your best, act your best, even worrying about how your car will influence a woman... I think you need to take a step back... realize how nice it was when you had that comfort level with you wife that you talked about... When there was no need to put on a show, no need to impress, ok to just hang out in sweats sometimes... Are you hearing the underlying message here??? JUST BE YOURSELF! - Let a woman like you for you... not some facad of you... Don't airbrush yourself - show the real you and find a woman who will like you for the real and honest version of you. Life is to short to put crazy energy into being someone you are not... BE YOURSELF BRO! SEMPER FI - or something like that Link to comment
newinvention Posted November 13, 2009 Share Posted November 13, 2009 Does anyone have any advice how I should release myself back into the wild? I am like a lion that was raised in captivity and now being introduced into the wild without properly being used to dating jungle. I am not looking forward to the games, she likes me, she doesn't, this one is crazy, this one plays hard to get, and this one wants to Taser me. I was going to start with the dating sites, but what is that like? Do people look for hookups or is more of a relationship goal oriented group of people? Should I make my intentions know right away, should I play the game? Ahhhhhhhhhhhh make the pain stop. ](*,) Save yourself an absolute ton of heartache and DO NOT start up something with someone else until you have been ALONE and fully processed your divorce. Take this advice from someone who should have taken this advice when it was offered. Link to comment
sandy cheeks Posted November 13, 2009 Share Posted November 13, 2009 Waiting has also given me Smurf balls though! Lost As in blue... or small and soft? LOL! Link to comment
lostandhurt Posted November 13, 2009 Share Posted November 13, 2009 As in blue! I think I might name them let's see.....maybe Papa Smurf and Grumpy Smurf! What do you think? Lost As in blue... or small and soft? LOL! Link to comment
sandy cheeks Posted November 13, 2009 Share Posted November 13, 2009 As in blue! I think I might name them let's see.....maybe Papa Smurf and Grumpy Smurf! What do you think? Lost they'de have to be hairy too. smurfs are hairy! LMAOROTF!!! ok... gonna stop now before I get in trouble... Link to comment
HeartBrokn Posted November 14, 2009 Author Share Posted November 14, 2009 Dude you guys are cracking me up. I had baby smurfs when I was deployed last year. I was on self-love restriction that lasted for four months. I had a hard time checking out ankles of chicks in burqas. I was like that one right there has the hottest ankles I have ever seen. I guess my thing was initially to go right back where I left off ten years ago. Then I realized, like you guys said, I have to be myself. That is soo true, I mean you do have to sort of make changes to shed the old self, to completely separate myself from my past (marriage) but to be someone who I am not now, totally agreed. I have also realized that I want to get married again, start a family have more kids and live happily ever after (wow corny). The weird thing is I know what I want now, and I don't think I really knew what I wanted 10 years ago. Actually I know for a fact I didn't. So I don't want to sound like a know-it-all like I did 10 years ago but I really know what I want. What ever I get myself into I am going to do over time. Thanks again you guys have been great with the mature advice. I love you man, not in a Gay way. By the way guys “Simple Man” is my new theme song. Link to comment
lostandhurt Posted November 16, 2009 Share Posted November 16, 2009 Your still young and things are changing in your life by the minute. Wait till things start to level off and your new life takes shape a little more before you do anything drastic. It will flow to you simply and true if it is real. if you have to work so hard on it that it is a chore it may not be the right thing for you....or at least right then. Lost Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.