It's not easy to let go of the past

[rebelfac]

I was lisening to a song just now by an 80's band Tesla that goes " times making changes in my life. I think a lot of us just don't plan for the kind of change that happens when a long term relationship ends. In my case it was a great marriage of 12 years from my POV. SHe was so mature, charming classy and had exceptional character. That person no longer exists and the new guy that persued her contributed to turning my life upside down. We met when she was 18 and the one thing she is naive about is that she is forgetting the same excitement in the earlky years of our relationship. It is like a drug for her and it causes the selective memory, lies and just brought out the worst in her, a side I never thought was possible. I think about the friends that were at my wedding in 1994 along with her and never anticipated that I would drift away from my male best friend at the time and my soulmate.

 

I guess people like me in my situation don't see but need to realize that nothing lasts forever and that long chapters in life do come to an end. It is just so hard sometimes to think that the many memories can be so easily forgotten by her. I would love to hear a few stories where a new chapter brought happiness after a period of grief.

[jettison]

When my 11 year and I broke up, I couldn't see any daylight at the end of the long, dark tunnel. Literally, it felt like death. So much so, that I had just given up completely on anything and everything.

 

Then, one day, I made this connection with a new woman. She came and stood next to me on a crowded street, then walked with me. It took a few months, but we fell in love, and then the whole world was new and wonderful again. No, it didn't last, the two of us, but what it did do is to open my eyes to the brave new world out there that can happen to you if you let it. It's letting it that's the trick.

 

You have to sleep before you wake.

[DadaJones]

Relationships and friendships do end.

 

Tesla? Now that you've experienced some real alienation at least go for some Megadeath.

[handsdown]

Letting go of the past is hard, and continuing to go on in life with the knowledge that everything ends is even HARDER!

 

I had serious heartbreak over the summer due to a breakup with a guy I had expected to spend the rest of my life with. I am still often overwhelmed with how much my life and my outlook has changed since then. Things really DO end, even when you think they never will.

 

I'm with a new guy now and he is fabulous. I care for him very much, but there is always that thought in my mind that no matter how much I care for him and want to be with him, it will end.

 

In my life, I have had three long-term relationships (4 years, 7 years, 4 years respectively) and in each one I was sure that I would spend my life with them. I have been wrong each and every time and I am so frustrated that now I am at the point where I ask "why even bother?"

 

however, I choose to not allow those negative thoughts to get in the way of my happiness. So what if what I have now could end, or probably WILL end, at least I had the chance to be with someone and love someone deeply. I hope that THIS time it will be different, and I am willing to take the risk and also willing to accept it if it ends. Only time will tell. In the meantime, I'll keep making memories

[rebelfac]

Thanks Jettison,

 

Your story helped me to avoid seeing the glass half empty.

 

 

It's also good to hear your example of several long term relationships. I guess people do grow apart but we did learn a lot of things together as we shared our life for so long. I sometimes think why does it have to be this way? How can someone who called you a soulmate 13 years into a relationship not care anymore after a few months? It is similar to a child who goes through the terrible two's. It's like they are possesed with the lust but it feels like this new guy brainwashed her. Then again why do I care so much about just one person that no longer cares about me. This is definitely one of the cruel aspects in life. Well I have grown from it and learned a lot about how to make others happy now. Someone new is definitely going to benefit from it. Thanks for the feedback everyone.