I'm done fooling myself and so should you!!

[Queen1607308152]

It has been 8 days since me and my ex broke up but it seem like an eternity and I know why. See today I realized that although he just ended the relationship with me; he really broke up with me a long time ago. So, now that the relationship is really over and both parties finally is aware of it I'm hurting. Its not to say that I didn't know that he didn't love me because I did, I just didn't want to realize it. But I'm here writing this thread to tell all of you guys enough is enough. I'm doing full NC with this guy. Four years of h+++ and a painful aftermath is enough to say I'm done fooling myself. See they left us when we should have been gone. We stayed with them for several different reasons. The reasons why we stayed doesn't matter but the fact that were gone is all that matter. Another thing I need everyone here that's hurting to know is that we are worth so much more than what they did to us. We have to be strong because we can't blame ourselves for loving worthless people. I know we all wish they would come to their senses and realize that we love them but the truth is they may never do so. With that being said, I'm done fooling myself that I was in a relationship, that he loved me, that he deserved me, and that we will get back together and everything will be better. Because honestly, they will be the same person they were when we was with them and they will block us from truly being blessed with true love. I'm tired and fed up with the games that he like to play and you should be also. We need to understand that love is kind, patient, forgiving, trusting, and that's everything that they was not. So today I challenge you to say I want fool myself anymore!!

[metrogirl]

You are well on your way to healing......

[Crazyaboutdogs]

That is so very true. If someone doesn't love you and treat you right then they are not worth knowing.

[LillyLooWho]

Just because someone falls out of love with you doesn't mean they are a bad or worthless person. I agree that people should expect respect and love without abuse in their relationships (all of their relationships) but the fact that someone leaves you is not proof that they are a jerk. My ex was a really good guy but he wanted something else. It hurts not to be with him but I will never be bitter towards him. If bitterness helps you get over your ex, go for it.

[Zerohero]

If they were dating someone or talking to someone while talking to you, they ARE bad people , and I say , you should say F**K UM. Just saying from my experience.

[Queen1607308152]

I know that just because he left doesn't mean he's a jerk, but he is. When I posted this I was fed up with his mess. Everyone situation is a little different but I was speaking to people that's experiencing what I am. Yes, sometimes people just leave because its not working but for me he did some horrible things in the relationship. He hurt me intentionally and I hate the things he did but I don't really hate him as a person. If we would have treated me fairly I would have these feelings toward him but I do. These bitter feelings are necessary because I have tried to be nice to him and he constantly tries to hurt me. I'm sorry if I sounded bitter and mean because none of us need that but I was venting and I was very angry about it. But Lilly he is not a person worthy of my kindness. Once again I'm sorry if I came off as bitter.

[LillyLooWho]

Queen, no need to apologize to me! Some exs are definitely complete jerks. Maybe yours is a jerk. Use your anger to move on from him. If he was mean to you, then definitely move on from him. I was just making the point that there are lots of great people who get together and then break up because it didn't work even though they both cared about each other.

 

I am sorry you are sad. You feel free to vent all you want on this forum. I wish you some peace.

[Motivated Girl]

I agree with Queen!! on this one... I dated the same type of guy... he's a great guy, that's why I was with him for almost 6 years. He would do almost anything for anyone if asked... except open up emotionally and recognize that the lack of emotional support is a form of abuse. That's where I hold resentment. That he did not see how deeply I loved him and what he was doing to me by stringing me along because he was not mature enough to talk about what he wanted. He put on a show for everyone but me... everyone was convinced about how great he was... but in private, when I cried my eyes out in front of him because I wanted him to open up to me and stop playing games with me when it came to moving forward with the relationship all he could say was I don't know what to say. I don't necessarily resent him for his inability to open up... I resent myself for letting it go on for so long that it effected my emotional and physical well-being. I literally sacrificed everything for this guy and when he dumped me all he could say was 'I'm sorry I wasted your time.' If that doesn't stab you right through the heart I don't know what will except a real knife. It's better that we get out all these emotions now then later... I also don't want to talk to my friends or family about this anymore... at least in this forum people can chose to ignore what you write and it's a comfortable area to vent.

[Rochelle1982]

Emotionally unavailable narcissists is what these dangerous people are! Anyone that leaves you before they even leave the relationship is a horrible excuse for a being. No one has any regards for human life anymore let alone our suffering and our feelings. The deceit, the misleading, stringing you along and never upfront about anything. Uncertain about what and who they want and as soon as stability is becoming clear with the other or they have badmouthed the good person's name so bad to justify the foulness, that everyone around them believes that there actions are correct as well.

 

So he does not have to hear the ridicule from what only he knows as guilt! Our names are tarnished because they now have to live the lie. The have to make you believe the lie by verbally and emotionally abusing you, and they manipulate it so bad that you know you are innocent but you still ask yourself "Well did I do that?" "Am I no good?" "Am I a * * * * because I went to the movies with my child and I had my phone on silent" "I just got a checkup, but am I sleepwalking at night and sleeping with guys and now I have an STD"

 

I know now that he played a dangerous game, he did not know if I was a mentally stable person and I don't think he cares, he wants to do whatever he wants and he does not care who he hurts in the process. He tormented my mind so that he could gain more control and leave when he was done with me. When he felt as if he was not benefitting from me anymore. I wonder what sick game were he and his ex-wife playing to where if he knew he would go back to her, why would you live with another woman and hurt an innocent person in the damn process of yall crap or all out war on one another. I am not a dull or lame person so I guess he thought he knew someone like me and thought he would not try to build an emotional bond, but I am addictive and he fought me on this. He went from saying he has a hard time telling anyone he loved them, but in the end, he goes I love you but I am not in love with you. Even though that is below the belt, but I am lucky to have gotten that from a person who does not believe in the word and never spoke anything about it in our 2 years but prior to a week of us splitting for good--"There he said I love you too much for me not to speak to you the way we do everyday, I can't go an hour" Now, I am dead to him...Aliens I tell ya.....

 

I will say it again they reel you in, get you hooked, leave you gasping for air and then they gut you! They don't even use a clean one, they use a rusty ass sars infested hook to gut you. There now you are infected and no one will eat you or look upon you as I have...

[Romy_my_name]

Last 2 posts - WOW.

 

Thanks for letting it out for me lol

[Rochelle1982]

No problem and it is all true, people talk abut how could we put up with this treatment, we must have had low self esteem and all this to make you feel even more worthless than you may be feeling without it being said. Its just that these people make sure that they never show the ugly side so that they do not run you away before they get in good. They make sure you fall for them and you never really know what their intentions truly are at times, they make us believe in the dream and snatch it away for whatever reason. It happens to people that get married too, these predators have the potential to do this at any time.

 

They blend in with us ready and willing to do anything for love and want to be in love, and they forge relationships and fake emotions and lie to themselves. You have no choice but to go along with it because they are not generally showing signs of malaise. When they are ready to move on or they have successfully broken you down, then thhey move on. I just ask myself, if my ex did this to me, he did this to his ex-wife but she stayed around and never let go. He lived with me, had other women after he rushed and got a divorce from her and she never let go. I just don't get that as well, he seemed so into me and having a life with me, but he was pulled in that direction; when he left me, he was cold and unapathetic at the snap of a finger. Smoke and mirrors is what it is. That is why it helps to talk about these things so that we can learn how to deal with this and wake up the masses. Govern yourselves accordingly people; I sense a presence inside the force.....

[Queen1607308152]

As I pondered over my thread from yesterday, I realized my ex wasn't wrong I was. I chose to stay in a relationship with someone who didn't want me. So today I can be cool with him because I have closure and I don't won't nor need him to be complete and happy. So I hope this stay with me in the hours and months to come. I just love how I'm feeling right now. I guess I'm really happy now because I haven't cried in days and I can eat again. Also when we talk, I don't let him say anything out of the way, if he does he learns quickly that I'm no longer the Queen he was with for four years.

[beingleft]

I agree with Queen too. I have stayed with him for so long knowing that I wasn't being treated the way I deserved but I loved him and thought it would change. It sounds pathetic but wow was it easy to let happen. He just left me 2 days ago when I was the one that should have done it a long time ago and he still won't admit to having something going with someone else and I know it is true. And he wants to be friends...and this is hurting him so much...and he will always love me. I am trying to get the strength to say this to him this weekend which i read here: I love you but I can't be your friend right now. If you ditch your new girlfriend and want to contact me, we will meet for drinks and catch up." I have to make myself not call or text. I cannot stop at this point.

[Motivated Girl]

beingleft: you should just stop all contact with him... don't even tell him that you will catch up with him when he is done with his girlfriend... I read somewhere that if a man really cares for you, he will build bridges to get to you... I truly believe in this. If your relationship was anything like mine or Queen!!'s, your guy was giving you false hope for a long time that the relationship would grow. Men don't change suddenly... I believe that people can change if they want to be better and have a full life... but that doesn't happen over night. If you keep in contact with him you will not give yourself or him the opportunity to grow individually. Take this time away from him to re-evaluate your life and what your really want... you might figure out that it wasn't him at all. I know that I could not take my ex back the way he was and I wouldn't expect him to take me back until I have improved my bad qualities. But I may never see him again anyway as I have no contact with him or our mutual friends... I am learning to come to peace with that... it's really hard, but at least now I'm surrounded by people with similar interests as me and I am honestly happier than I was with him. Sometimes people really do grow apart... I didn't see that while we were together.

[beingleft]

Thank you motivatedgirl. You made me cry. I know you are right. I should not talk to him at all but I have talked to him EVERY DAY for the last 10 years so it is going to be so freaking hard. He is my best friend and I thought the love of my life but that is not true. I do have to improve myself and find a way to make myself happy.

[Motivated Girl]

Thank you motivatedgirl. You made me cry. I know you are right. I should not talk to him at all but I have talked to him EVERY DAY for the last 10 years so it is going to be so freaking hard. He is my best friend and I thought the love of my life but that is not true. I do have to improve myself and find a way to make myself happy.

 

I remember the first few weeks after he broke my heart... I literally thought that I was going to die. I was physically and mentally sick. I missed work and was lucky that I could put up my 'brave' face for a few days so that I could ace my interview to get the promotion that I was working so hard for. I got the new job and it couldn't have come at a better time. I am surrounded by great colleagues and I have a boss that is great. Still, I think now I have everything but the man I loved. You will be thinking about it. There are so many times where I want to break down and cry, but after almost 4 months I am pretty much cried out... probably because I did so much crying during the relationship. My friends have been so great... I can't imagine getting through this without them. Make sure you talk to those you can trust. I made the mistake of discussing my relationship problems with the ex's friends (as we had been friends for over 5 years I thought I could trust them) and they have completed abandoned me. Could be because my ex presented me in a bad light... could be because we didn't have much in common... could be because their SO's are the ex's best friends and it was too weird for them to keep in touch (shows how immature they are as well...another lesson learned, pay close attention to how your SO's friends behave). I don't know... don't care because I have my group of friends who I can trust and they helped me out of the trenches. I have also started exercising, it really has helped with not only my health, but my self confidence. I cut my hair off... probably about 6-8 inches... I'm doing so many things that just have nothing to do with him. I think about him every day. I wish I didn't because he doesn't deserve all that wasted energy, but I know in time I will forgive and move on... time is on my side and it will be on yours as well. If you need a shoulder to lean on let me know... you have to let it all out to learn and move on.

[wot2do]

Im sorry you are all going thru this too, Im so hurt by what my ex did to me, Im finding it hard to even function on a very basic level. I too stayed in a "bad" relationship for 6 years forgiving and taking back, but at the end of the day this guy has not changed at all, hes dumped me, moved back to his lifestyle of dating sites, porn sites and chat rooms, and having numerous women on the go. While im left breathless and deflated and wondering how im going to get thru the next minute. I wish the healing/grieving process wasnt so long, I wish i could just move forward, afterall he will never change, he will never be happy or content, but the hardest part is dealing with his path of destruction. I hope we all feel better soon and can heal and move on to great things and to true happiness.. Thanks for a great place to come and vent it does really help.