rich 1517 - its done

[rich_1517]

well all these little details add up to not much but...

 

i am clearer, i knew we left details out about monday and next week. but didnt feel it was important to call. so i just didnt, so she called to finalise details.

 

i am thinking really hard on what i am doing. i deserve more than i see. and to hear. its true i may need more pain to let go, but do i? i had a nice time with L today and we will see each other tuesday again. but i kept thinking about the ex. i can tell she was thinking about me, but what does it add up to?

 

dating while trying to get back is like going to the body shop so you can go to the demolishing derby again.

 

i miss her, but i miss the her that loved me. and if i have to see someone who doesnt while i do, i have to look real hard at why. she becomes someone else to me and i have to see that. i must because i cannot make her into what she was.

[rich_1517]

hhmmm. well guys if you are still there... say something, want your feedback.

 

i can pull the plug on this if i want to and say,

 

you know i applied pressure, and i dont feel thats right. if you are feeling that i am forcing you into this then it isnt right. if you want to find someone new or want the chance to, then i will let you go. i still believe but it takes two. and my feelings do matter enough to me not to burn them again.

 

if you want we can let go and see each other as friends in the fall or revisit if we arent both involved later, if you are curious if we would have made it.

 

i would suffer a lot doing that, but i would live with it for a while i think. i also think she would still want to try something, i dont know.

 

but i have to accept that if i am the only one, then she will take me for granted again. but it is weird she is different. or i am.

 

when i saw her the other night, she kept getting a ridiculous giddy smile on her face as she looked at me. it wasnt humor, it was joy. this was after i asked her to take me back and she said she was now confused. well we will see how monday plays out.