Really how does an ugly person find someone?

[indopastlife]

Being negative is a larger turn-off.

[LightbulbSun]

Being negative is a larger turn-off.

 

Have you read any of this thread? Or any of my posts?

 

We didn't suddenly wake up being negative. It was something that we learned through experience. Were you born being able to walk, or talk? Or did you have to learn those things?

 

Saying that you should stop being negative, when people tell you you're ugly, is like saying you should just ignore everyone and believe what you want. Which doesn't help when those same people are who you're trying to date.

[indopastlife]

then the issue is coping mechanisms.

[LightbulbSun]

then the issue is coping mechanisms.

 

So the issue is that we should blame other people instead of ourselves?

[indopastlife]

No, I mean coping mechanisms by breathing, looking at the positives one's life, etc.

[corvidae]

OK, maybe I'm not ugly but I'm not attractive and therein lies my biggest problem. On all other fronts I'm great...smart, funny, kind, witty, that's me!!

 

Corvidae is that you in your avatar? if so you are not ugly.

[indopastlife]

Was that deleted post for me?

 

If so, well so be it.

 

I would say, though, that everybody needs coping skills, and the ability to rise above challenges in life, since not everything is easy in life.

 

I honestly don't know what else can be said though. You have received plenty of good advice and counsel in this thread, but you have failed to acknowledge it, or take heed of it. I feel like I'm talking into the wind here.

[Dougie_D]

O.k. Honestly, did not read this entire post, but I think looks, personality have to do with a lot of things. What I don't understand is, there seems like there is a WINDOW of opportunities for everyone to get involved with someone. Some people's are smaller than others. I'm thinking ugly guys are pretty short.

To all those guys like me, we somehow miss it and we are instantly in the FRIENDZONE. Ugly guys can NEVER get out of it.

So what makes ugly guys so attractive to be just a FRIEND???? I would like to know. When I see Ugly guys with women (unless they are french kissing, holding hands, etc) I just think that they are friends or related somehow.

I've had a lot of "girly" friends but I've never hooked up with anyone.

So Ugly guys have to figure out what to do to make themselves "boyfriend" material. Let me know!

[indopastlife]

what are you doing to help yourself? Again, plenty of advice has been given to you. how are you going to channel it to your benefit/advantage?

[Dougie_D]

I think I somehow miss out on my chances. I don't get vibes that often, and if I do I get the feeling she is joking around or playing with me. I've had that stuff happen earlier in my life. It's a trust issue. I'm constantly being made fun all the time, people joking around. Because of that, I'm either way gullible or plain stubborn.

I have to break the habit that people actually do want to hang out with, want to date me, etc. I'm pretty sure my father has screwed with my thinking:

1. He would tell me my friends were just using me

2. He would ask my friends why I wasn't more like them

3. He would always criticize me in public

4. He favors my older sister --- one day he was talking about how the first born is the one you love the most --- I was sitting RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM!

5. He constantly tells me I can't do anything without his help

6. He offered to get me plastic surgery --- I never really thought I had needed it until then, now I really think I'm ugly.

Basically, I get the feeling I was never the son he wanted me to be. If money wasn't a factor and the fact my mother is the nicest person in the world, I would have ran away years ago.

Confidence is pretty tough to get when you get shot down by your own family member.

[taco_224]

My big problem is almost like a cycle. I keep thinking that because I am still a virgin at 19, that must mean I'm ugly in the "sexual" sense; I don't have what normal people have that make them "hot" to each other. And then the effects of that plummet my confidence.

 

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link removed

 

So, honest assessment: Is my problem imagined? If not, what can I do to increase my sex appeal? I just never get looks from anyone.

[tina-rocks]

Love is more than the surface of a person.. It's everything about them that a potential partner will see.

[indopastlife]

does he know how you feel about this?

 

Have you sought counselling to try and overcome this?

[Dougie_D]

I know my mom, my sister, and all my friends do. They always tell me not to listen to him and most of my friends know he is a * * * * * * * .

My family tried to "trick" me into going in counseling. That didn't work because I figure things out really fast.

My mom cries whenever I tell her I don't like seeing my dad.

I understand where my dad comes from, but he doesn't need to take it out on me. He overcompensates for the fact that he never had a father. He thinks his way is the only way. I'm more creative while he is all business.