Really how does an ugly person find someone?

[Regeta]

This is VERY true.

 

Also, not everyone finds physical attraction to be all that...attractive.

 

Many years ago I knew a girl in my life who was very unattractive... but wow she touched my heart in so many ways. She was the only person at the church college group I went to that would even talk to me. And she was always smiling, a happy person, flirty, and energetic. She quickly went from a 3/10 to a 10/10 for me. I never dated her because I was insecure and had to "prove" to myself I could get a "hot chick."

 

I just recently went on a few dates and had a short friendship with a very physically attractive. She was a friend of my cousin, and I considered her to be a 10/10. Then she contacted me and started flirting with me. I didn't even have to do anything, and was happily dragged into several dates and a nice, close friendship. But I ended up learning she was just as messed up as all my other ex-gf's and was immature, cold-hearted, and didn't care about my feelings at all. That's what happens when I fail to realize I'm not 18 anymore, and a 19 year old is WAY too young for me, lol.

I could not even BEGIN to describe how quickly she went from a 10/10 to a 1/10. By the end of our friendship, I get sick just thinking about her.

 

After 6 years of emotional abuse, heartbreak, pain, relationship neglect, girls with disorder after disorder, cold hearted self-centered attidutes, and "hot" girls who were total nut-jobs who believed they were perfect and all problems resorted from the guy they're with... unattractive, sweet girls seem like a dream to me.

 

In my sexuality, which is completely entertwined with my heart, I've found that I find sexual beauty in ALL types of women. Thin, overweight, plastic, ugly, normal, plain, weird, young, older, or any type. And if I find them sexually attractive and enjoyable. And if I can find a girl sexually attractive and her body enjoyable- isn't that plenty enough in the looks department when it comes to having a wife? I certainly think so. If I can find her beautiful in the most intimate parts of our life (the bedroom, the heart, the mind, and the spirit) then she is beautiful.

 

I may not be the most attractive or charming guy in the world, but SOME women find me to be very attractive. And although I may only be 24... I've felt like I've really lived. I want a girl that is very physically and sexually attractive to me, and I don't want to "settle for less" but honestly, life really wears on you to show you what is TRULY important in a person and what BEAUTY actually means. Even if I felt I didn't get the most attractive girl or body in the world, I probably wouldn't care for long. I find beauty and sexual desire in all types of women, especially since the majority of attraction is solely in the mind and heart.

 

If a girl can melt my heart and make me feel like I'm a virile man that's to die for, then I will think she's very attractive, and I'll want to tell her she is beautiful and make love to her everyday.

 

And if a healthy, handsome man like me can think an "ugly person" is beautiful, then I think the rest of humanity will do just fine as well. I don't think I'm THAT much different.

 

Someone's bad past with attractive girls can really influence what they find to be attractive in the opposite sex.

[Regeta]

props to this post!! right on!

[kayacamilla]

As for me, if you have fortune, beauty comes along If you have great personality, confident about who/what you are, you are already beautiful. If you wear your best smile at all times, even if you are in so much pain, then you are already an icon of beauty. Some men, preferred to have a serious relationship with a woman who has such a great well being Let's face it, no matter how beautiful you are, if you have such a very bad personality, especially in handling a certain relationship, men would preferred to break up with you. Even if he loves you the most. NOw-a-days, it doesn't really matter how you look, its what inside you that guys wants to know. Men are challenged with women who has a very interesting attitude. Who knows what she want, successful in most of her endeavour

[Cognitive_Canine]

Attraction isn't just looks. You can attract someone with looks alone but things like a smooth, sexy voice, confident and elegent movement, eye intensity, and your skills (singing, dancing, playing an instrument, physical abilities) can help a lot too.

 

One of the biggest players I know isn't attractive. He knows many languages, can play violin, and has an intensity about him that women can't resist.

[bruinsy81]

and another thing, what type of women do you approach? Is it 10s? 5s? 2s or 3s? This may be another factor in being dateless.

He probably isn't approaching any at all[nor am I].It's very easy to suggest that dating is a numbers game and you have to expect to get rejected before you hit gold,it's another thing to actually get a shy man to approach several women ,get those rejections until he hits paydirt.

[bruinsy81]

Hi, I'm Matt. I'm 30 and I've never dated, because I'm not very good looking. You think in time you learn to live with it, but you don't. Not really. Coping is tough, but you just do, and sometimes it gets too much, but boo hoo...there's nothing you can do.

I am a guy,but if that is you in your pic,you actually appear to be a good looking guy,better looking than most guys I see out there.So,I don't think a lack of ''looks'' is your problem.

[generaldiscord]

Hello, I'm female, and I'm ridiculously ugly.

 

A long time ago, I gave up trying to be pretty. Now I just dress in a way that makes me happy, and make a conscious effort every day not to think about my looks. Instead, I concentrate on my work, my friends, and my extensive hobbies.

 

Don't you believe that it's your looks which cause your dating failure. I am completely hideous, and men (plural) have fallen in love with me. If you want to improve yourself and your chances, make a daily schedule of tasks for you to do, get a workout routine (it helps with depression) and find something to exercise your brain with.

[jammin_james61]

I am a guy,but if that is you in your pic,you actually appear to be a good looking guy,better looking than most guys I see out there.So,I don't think a lack of ''looks'' is your problem.

 

That's what I was thinking. I have seen other posts by cor and he's had some pretty scarring experiences with women which is unfortunate. Maybe the women he's come in contact with just have REALLY high standards.

[Seymore]

I've met unattractive girls who became somewhat more attractive once I got to know them, and I've met gorgeous girls that I suddenly became repulsed by once they opened their mouths. Proof positive that ugly isn't just skin deep.

[countach360]

i have to say. most girls i come accross think im cute. which is great and all. but to be honest.. that by itself has done ABSOLUTELY nothing for me. i learned the hard way that a girl is more attracted to how you make them feel, how you approach them, etc., etc.

 

i've seen okay-looking guys and "ugly" guys pulling incredibly hot chicks. this is because they have the people person skills and the right amount of swag to make the girls laugh, feel comfortable, and let their guard down. it doesn't matter how good looking a guy is. if they have NO game, the girl will not only lose interest, but will take the "ugly" guy over him. i've seen it happen MANY, MANY, MANY times.

[TheAnchorman]

One of the biggest players I know isn't attractive. He knows many languages, can play violin, and has an intensity about him that women can't resist.

That last part is interesting. What do you exactly mean by intensity? In this context?

[Cognitive_Canine]

That last part is interesting. What do you exactly mean by intensity? In this context?

 

He isn't afraid of rejection at all. He can walk up to a girl and be candid with her. He'll flirt with any girl he likes and he flirts hard. He literally has no shame. He can say so few words and already the girl he's talking to is kissing him.

 

He gets rejected often. But, he gets the girl often enough. A lot of people would probably think he's a jerk. But, he doesn't lie to girls, he doesn't ignore them. Girls just usally get angry that after a one night stand he's only interested in friendship. And guys hate him because he gets away with it.

[corvidae]

It's a really weird mix which I call the 99.9% Ugly Guy effect. Basically sometimes people tell me I'm good looking, instances happen that make me feel good about myself like a girl will stare at me, or say hello or something...but 99.9% of the time I just ignored. Like last night I went to three different social events, including a party, and the women there were polite and friendly but completely asexual with me. I genuinely think that for 99.9% of women, even if every other man on the planet disappeared then they would still not even think twice about me - there's something about me that goes beyond unattractive whereby women think of me along the same lines as a chair or a tree or a rock that they wouldn't even occur to them to think about in a sexual way, let alone assess it as attractive or unattractive.

[LightbulbSun]

I don't understand what makes a person attractive. Is it vibe? Is it looks? Is it what they say, how they act, their actions and morals? What exactly makes a person 'datable?'

 

I read all the time about girls who say that they thought a guy was cute, but they were turned off by something he said or did. And then there's the guy who's not very attractive, but they date him because of his personality. My question is...where are these women? I seem to be running into girls who date guys because of their looks and only their looks. Is it an age thing?

 

When I see a thread on here saying a girl likes scrawny guys, that makes me feel better. But then, added in with it are 'is it weird?' How is it weird to like someone because they're scrawny? Isn't it more weird to like someone because they pump lots of iron and take steroids?

 

I just don't get women sometimes.

[sanadee]

it's all relative.

 

i think in society, people value both looks and personality. In my experience, i have known plenty of persons who have weighed up both when opting to date somebody.

 

If we examine common dating preferences (held by men to women for example) then some only date based on breast size, hair colour, height, hip shape, leg length, eye colour, eye size, etc. It is the same in women as well. I think everybody has a type, or at least some standards in dating.

 

the women you know perhaps are just shallow, and value only looks in a date, which i guess is their own prerogative.

 

I know this post doesn't sound very coherent, but the gist is that, yes, there is a norm of what is deemed attractive in society. I think this is the rationale behind the scrawny thread posted here, since society generally doesn't purport that scrawniness is attractive. It's kind of like fat women, from a male perspective. Society says that fat women are seen as ugly, but of course some men find overweight women attractive (like the BBW idea).

 

You have been offered good advice in this thread. Work on personality, and improve your wear (if necessary). The type of women you seek out may be key also. Perhaps going after shallow women is the problem.

 

I think one thing is to actively not think of looking for somebody, at least not consciously. If by living your own life, being a good guy and appearing happy and content, it would make one look more appealing.

[sanadee]

It's a really weird mix which I call the 99.9% Ugly Guy effect. Basically sometimes people tell me I'm good looking, instances happen that make me feel good about myself like a girl will stare at me, or say hello or something...but 99.9% of the time I just ignored. Like last night I went to three different social events, including a party, and the women there were polite and friendly but completely asexual with me. I genuinely think that for 99.9% of women, even if every other man on the planet disappeared then they would still not even think twice about me - there's something about me that goes beyond unattractive whereby women think of me along the same lines as a chair or a tree or a rock that they wouldn't even occur to them to think about in a sexual way, let alone assess it as attractive or unattractive.

 

This is not to be an off question, but do you have self-esteem problems? if people, in a genuine sense, tell you you're attractive, why do you think you're not?

[dr_styles]

It's a really weird mix which I call the 99.9% Ugly Guy effect. Basically sometimes people tell me I'm good looking, instances happen that make me feel good about myself like a girl will stare at me, or say hello or something...but 99.9% of the time I just ignored.

 

Amen. Even this girl I've had a couple of dates with is still completely asexual with me. It's like bad to the point of a joke now.

But just ignoring this case hehe, similar experiences. The rare people I come accross who at least sees me as more than a person, an object. The ones where I might actually be having my attractiveness/unattractiveness weighed up, even rarer!

 

This is not to be an off question, but do you have self-esteem problems? if people, in a genuine sense, tell you you're attractive, why do you think you're not?

 

Slight but important distinction; sexual/physical attraction. The people who think you just look nice vs the people who are actually attracted and want to date you. That and the fact the above happens. Hardly anyone, verbally and non-verbally, are telling you they are interested.

[enixon]

Wow, galaxy71 last post was my life's romantic experience distilled in to a few paragraphs and equally what LightbulbSun followed with. The advice I've gotten from women in nearly all cases has been given with the assumption that fate or a god will make it all happen if you are a good person. Women don't understand that the reason they have little trouble getting dates is because they are women.

 

All that is required in North American society for a non heavily over weight women to get a date is to sit in a coffee shop for long enough and appear open to approach.

 

It would be greatly helpful if women could tell us what exactly men do in conversations that generates that emotional attraction.

[LightbulbSun]

A lot of women (and I hope this doesn't come off as misogynistic, because I don't mean it to sound that way) don't understand how stressful and how much pressure a guy is under when he asks a girl out. Yeah sure, the girl could say yes, or she could say no. She could also laugh at him, and crush his self esteem down to the size of a pebble. For guys who already feel like they're ugly, they don't want to go through that, because it's a sense of negative self verification.

 

Now, on one hand, you could say that the guy isn't ugly (and a lot of guys who think they are ugly aren't, they're just average looking), but that he didn't show self confidence, so that's why the girl rejected him. The question is...how can a guy get self confident if he's already down on his looks, and he fears rejection because he thinks that it's because of his looks?

 

The confident guys got confident for a reason. It wasn't that they suddenly woke up one day and were confident. They had girls go after them, and so they felt like they had a winning hand in life. Guys who are naturally shy and/or socially awkward are fed the reality that girls aren't attracted to that, which makes them even more shy and even more socially awkward. As you get older, and you're fed even more evidence that being shy and socially awkward doesn't work, you become even more insecure. It's a monster that feeds on itself.

 

That is what a lot of women don't understand. If they gave a shy guy a chance, and made the first move, maybe she'd give him the confidence to be the man she's always dreamed of. And he would come out of his shell and the insecurity and social awkwardness would stop. Instead, she chases the naturally confident guy, who is probably a player and has enough options that he doesn't want to stick with only one person, and she's left alone wondering where all the good men are.

[Hopeless1234]

so basically if an ugly person wants to find someone, they better have an amazing personality.

 

so, then the next obvious question is, what does "amazing" personality exactly mean? do you have to be the life of party and a complete social butterfly?

 

problem is i suppose usually people who are "ugly" will not have the most "amazing" personality because of their own issues with their physical appearance, no?

[ProtestTheHero]

The last sentence is true in the sense that it will be much harder to maintain PHYSICAL self-esteem. I can talk to anyone, but I'll be damned if I show my body to anyone, lol.

 

There really is no universally appealing personality type either. I'd say what people like in personalities is far more diverse than what they prefer physically. There are all sorts of quirky mannerisms that people have and might prefer, but not many funky looks or diverse physical features will appeal to a large base of people.

 

It sucks unless for some reason you just get lucky with the right person at the right time. Hope for luck I guess.

[dr_styles]

The confident guys got confident for a reason. It wasn't that they suddenly woke up one day and were confident. They had girls go after them, and so they felt like they had a winning hand in life.

 

On a related note there's also that (seemingly) common assumption that some of the people here like me were "born" negative, that we fail to have ever gotten anywhere romantically because of we go around with some unhappy negative persona. Another failure to understand is that it's other way around.

[LightbulbSun]

On a related note there's also that (seemingly) common assumption that some of the people here like me were "born" negative, that we fail to have ever gotten anywhere romantically because of we go around with some unhappy negative persona. Another failure to understand is that it's other way around.

 

Exactly, dr_styles.

 

I was one of the most confident people in high school. Yeah sure, I was a little quiet and shy, but that was my personality and a lot of people accepted it. I was popular because I was a musician.

 

Then, after I was rejected for the 9th or 10th time, I started withdrawing, because I thought that it was because of my looks. I stopped asking out girls, and prepared to die alone. I was perfectly content with this...until I went to college for the first time and was surrounded by people hooking up. Then I got really lonely, and starting hating myself.

 

It wasn't because I was born hating myself. I was one of the happiest kids you could ever meet, I always had a smile on my face. It took girls and relationships to wipe that smile off my face and make me depressed, but I wasn't born that way.

[indopastlife]

so basically if an ugly person wants to find someone, they better have an amazing personality.

 

so, then the next obvious question is, what does "amazing" personality exactly mean? do you have to be the life of party and a complete social butterfly?

 

problem is i suppose usually people who are "ugly" will not have the most "amazing" personality because of their own issues with their physical appearance, no?

 

It means being open and able to attract people to you. And by attract, I mean in a platonic sense.

 

This way, if one is more open, their chances for companionship, both platonic and romantic, improve.

 

Look at it this way. One gets friends by being able to connect with others, and this is done by being open, kind and personable.

 

As for being negative due to issues, well i think the key is not to let it overcome you.

[randomgirl59]

Corvidae is that you in your avatar? if so you are not ugly.

 

count me in with the "self pitying" folk on this one. Yea, you shouldn't live in the past or let it dictate your future, but I too went through my teen years up to about 20 years old being called fat and ugly every day by my peers. Crap like that just doesn't disappear. Now there was a bit of truth to it, so I lost a few pounds, learned to dress more stylishly and learned what hair and makeup looked good on me. Now I look better but why am I still ignored by men? Improving yourself lookwise can only go so far. I suspect I'm ignored because even though I'm not ugly persay, I dont have that conventional look most men seem to like, for example, this: link removed or this: link removed

 

 

of course self esteem plays into it too. I'm introverted, dont go out and meet people, never caught anyone's attention during college, etc. This will damage your prospects even further. Finding ways to mingle, even though it can be unpleasant will give you a higher chance of meeting people than staying at home will.

 

I still cant shake all those hurtful things people said to me and even though I KNOW I look better then I did back then, I still FEEL like that ugly, awkward girl, and I'm sure this shows.

 

I think if you play the "ugly duckling" part, it reflects itself onto other people. Basically, the trick is pretending you're the $hit and hopefully trick someone into thinking you are.

 

That, or work on your self esteem and put yourself out there

 

I'm in my mid 20's now and pretty much think I'm doomed to be alone forever. Partly because I'm ignored, and partly because I'm getting older. People may not call me ugly to my face, but being completely invisible to the opposite sex (especially those in my age group!) is almost just as bad. In fact the few men that try to persue me sexually are in their late 30's early 40's. Forgive me for not taking what I can get but I want someone my own age. Those guys, unfortunately only see me as a friend or someone to sleep with. Never a girlfriend.

 

That being said, I do see a lot of ugly people out there with a partner, or are married. So if it can happen for them, it can happen for us too. I'm just convinced there is some sort of trick to it. I dont know that its sex appeal, or personality, but SOMETHING these people have that draws people to them. Confidence?

 

and I know lots of people wont agree with me on this, but I see a lot of unattractive and overweight men with average to very pretty women. I rarely see it the other way around. So all hope is not lost. Men are very visual so if you're deemed an ugly girl you're screwed.

 

Also, and this goes for both sexes, if you believe you are unattractive or society tells you you are, then lower your standards.

 

Its a cruel world out there. I want to believe that everyone is beautiful and special but reality tends to show you otherwise. The only other conclusion I can come to is that these ugly people that are dating must have flawless personalities. If that's not it then I'm as confused as the rest of you