The setting of too high expectations…

[Keyman]

Okay, so it’s been a while since I vented on ENA, but it’s time…

 

For the past year I have been house sharing to save money etc etc. I was in a granny flat underneath a house, living with a 65 year old woman and her 35 year old son. He is the type to whinge a lot about how his ex is screwing him out of everything because of their child. So with the constant stream of negativity that is going around the house, I shut myself off into my place and didn’t really socialise with them much.

 

I’m single and lonely. I have pushed myself out there and am involved in a lot of things to fill my time (and take my mind off having to come home to nobody at the end of the day). But, coming home to constant negative vibes is awful and the polished wooden floors upstairs mean I never get any sleep. So, I found another place to live, a great set of rooms and moved all my stuff in on the weekend. YAY!

 

The lady I’m living with is a single mum and I must say, I was attracted to her soon after I met her. So, somewhere in my mind, I felt like I was going to be getting out of my little lonely rut, into a bit more of a social place and to hang with a cute, slightly older lady as a friend (and you never know, something more in the future?), and just have someone to come home to and be able to talk about my day to; to have someone there in some form that actually cares about what might be happening in my life, even from a friend perspective.

 

So, I guess I built up some expectations in my head that everything was miraculously going to change overnight and I wasn’t going to be lonely anymore. But, now I feel like I am intruding into the life of this lovely lady and her 17 year old son. And, if anything, I almost feel uncomfortable hanging around them. I like her and her family, and the place I’ve moved to, so don’t want to have to move out again so quickly. So, my natural reaction is to pull my head in and just get on with my life again like I did in the old place, with little or no contact with anyone.

 

I know, I know, I shouldn’t have had my expectations set so high, but I found it easy to – I was looking for a change, not just the same-same somewhere else. I know I should be more patient and let myself ease into a friendship with her and her family. And I know I should not have expectations that she might be interested in me as a hope to curb my loneliness.

 

So what I am hoping to achieve by posting this is to try to stop my natural ‘shut off from the world’ habit.

 

Okay. End vent.