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I had a realization yesterday


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Starting Over In a Relationship - B...
Starting Over In a Relationship - Beginners Guide

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I realized one of the reasons why I am having such a horrible time after this breakup. We started dating right before we both came to university. University has been really tough on me, demanding classes and just the general stress that comes from the big change in your life. She was always there for me, through that entire time, an enormous source of support. She was my rock for two years of university.

 

Then right before this school term we broke up. And when I came back to school this semester my rock was gone. I was left groping in the darkness for some source of support. I was able to get plenty of support from my friends and my parents, but none of it compares to what I had. I guess I just feel like an exclusive relationship offers so much more support than friendships do. God I miss having that relationship, things were so easy back then.

 

The transfer to university was tough for her too, and her parents were going through a messy divorce. I helped her through it all. But now I've been replaced. Soon after we broke up she got in a LTR with someone else, they are still dating as far as I know. She's not suffering like me, she found a new rock, a new source of support. I am madly jealous of this and I hate her so much for it. I bet she had this guy all lined up and ready to date before she broke up with me. She wanted a nice easy transfer out of our relationship, and she didn't give a damn about what would happen to me.

 

You know it's funny. When we were dating one day (this must have been a year ago) she told me that she was going out for coffee with one of her guy friends. I was OK with it, seemed innocent enough. She came back and told me that she didn't enjoy it, that she didn't like this guy, they didn't have a good conversation she said. Now she is dating this guy.

 

I just want someone to cuddle with at night, someone who I can call and not worry that they are getting sick of me. I am so desperate to have that connection again with someone. I'm sure if I meet anyone new I'll just ruin it by jumping the gun and acting too needy.

 

This has been a bad morning for me. Vent over.

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I noticed throughout your post that you didn't mention that you needed HER to be your rock, that instead you just wanted someone, anyone. So, there is no need to feel more jealous of your ex, than you would need to feel toward any other couple. I know what you're going through. I spent 4-1/2 years in a relationship with a girl as I began and worked on a PhD. I moved around each year 2-4 times, never really getting a feeling of home, except with the girl. She was my constant throughout the process. You just need to let go. Could you picture other girls in the same role? If so, then what's the worry? You're in school, which is the most opportune place to meet people. Consider yourself lucky to not have that rock anymore. Besides, you need to learn to be your own rock. You won't always have people around to help you. You need to learn to be happy without having someone constantly there to support you and tell you that things will be alright.

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Ah, I'm feeling so much better this evening than I was this morning.

 

You are absolutely right. I need to learn to find support from sources other than the person I'm dating. It is probably a good thing that we broke up, and that I'm not dating anyone currently because this way I'm forced to find new sources of support. I've reached out to old friends, my current friends, I've made new friends, I've leaned on my parents, and they have all been immensely supportive. I've also found a source of support in the last place I thought I would - myself.

 

I'm planning on traveling to China in a year and living there for eight to nine months. When I'm there, I'm not going to have a social support network. I'm going to need to find comfort from within. I'm glad that we split when we did, because this will give me plenty of time to do so before I travel abroad.

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