How to achieve the impossible?

[corvidae]

What would you do if you were me? I'm 30 and have never dated. Women just are not interested in me, mainly because I'm just not very good looking. I'm not ugly, but I don't look great either and I am also a little on the short side. I have a good job and a series of hobbies, I go to the gym regularly and play music and do theatre, so I don't think I am a dull person. I've tried going out there in the world: I do theatre, I love going to stand-up comedy, I have a good social circle and a successful career. BUT I just don't meet women who are interested in me...I've even tried online dating which was a total failure.

 

I just don't know what to do any more. What else is there left to try? Realistically I can't approach women in bars or clubs, because that's just not me. It would be like asking a priest to go to a strip club - it just doesn't work.

 

I wrote another thread called the 99% ugly guy, whereby I find that 99% of the time women find me ugly (or at least they act as if they do) but on very very very rare occasions a woman will show interest in me. Unfortunately, I don't control when women do this, so I just have to be patient.

 

Any ideas anyone? If I was offered a million pounds if I could get one date within the two months (with someone I found attractive) and I offered to split it with you if you helped me, then what strategies would you recommend?

[waveseer]

I would go on the date with you and let you keep the $$.

 

That didn't quite read the way I meant it. Even if it wasn't me, I'd find you a date. How's that?

[doyathink]

I think you're a very nice looking guy. I don't understand why you're having dating problems.....but if I were to guess, I'd say it's because you're too afraid to approach them, and ask them out. Not because of your looks. It's your confidence, or lack there of.

[quirky]

that's strange..if it's you on your avatar, you're definitely not ugly!?

Are you a gentleman? Are you maybe too intense? what's the pattern you notice?

[agent1607307371]

If that's your pic, you look nice. Maybe you need to check how you interact with women.

[jettison]

The pink hat? Kidding!

 

You seem like a good-looking guy to me. Maybe it's not really your looks so much as the the confidence (or lack thereof) that you're exuding.

[jettison]

I think you're a very nice looking guy. I don't understand why you're having dating problems.....but if I were to guess, I'd say it's because you're too afraid to approach them, and ask them out. Not because of your looks. It's your confidence, or lack there of.

 

 

Ha! Almost a quote from what I wrote. Or, rather, I almost quoted you without reading it first. Love it.

[corvidae]

People are being nice, but I need some practical advice here.

[AmandaB]

Confidence is key! Its all in the way you carry yourself. You are a good looking guy and i guess that would be my practical advice. You cannot show any insecurity, people pick up on that.

[Purusha]

Um, it's not just being nice (!) - you're good looking so on that front you shouldn't be having any problems.

 

The other explanation is your behaviour around women that could be causing problems - maybe if you gave us an example of what you would do if you were introduced to a woman at your theatre that you found attractive, that would help.

 

Are you confident or cowed with women? Do you pursue them too much or too little? We need more info!

[corvidae]

It's easy to say 'be confident'. But where? And with who? What does it mean? Give me actual practical advice please...

 

 

Confidence is key! Its all in the way you carry yourself. You are a good looking guy and i guess that would be my practical advice. You cannot show any insecurity, people pick up on that.

[agent1607307371]

It's easy to say 'be confident'. But where? And with who? What does it mean? Give me actual practical advice please...

 

With women, obviously.

 

Look, if you think you're ugly, you're going to carry yourself like you're ashamed of yourself. And people will pick that up. Learn to think you look good, or atleast focus on some features you like and focus on that instead.

 

Truth is, if you carry yourself like you're Gods gift, you're more likely to get treated that way.

[AmandaB]

Its all in general. You should be a confident person in everything you do, if its w/ work, gym, or with women. You shouldnt need a certain time to be confident, you should always be. I dont know how people could really give you more specific advice unless they knew your entire situation or have seen you in action.

[surfNski]

Hey buddy, you look fine man, I have seen way uglier guys get tons of chicks. The

"short" thing is a real problem but its not something you or I can change so just look at it as a obstacle and power through.

What I have been working on is doing everything I can to put myself around women. I date online, I joined co-ed sports teams, I cold talk to women when I can. Its a process but it does have its payoffs. I try and remember that 9 times out of 10 pretty women want to talk to peole to. They just dont want to get "hit on". I also believe there is no such thing as an attractive woman who isnt single by choice. That means attractive women always have guys hanging around in there lives....be one of those guys. Get to know everybody.

 

Just my opinion, take it or leave it...

[doyathink]

Yeah yeah. I was going to give you hell for copying me.

 

 

Ha! Almost a quote from what I wrote. Or, rather, I almost quoted you without reading it first. Love it.

[Purusha]

I don't think anyone can give you concrete advice on how to attract someone as there are too many variables going on in terms of personality, goals, life views and experiences to name a few.

 

The way that seems to work the best is being confident in who you are and what you're about, and whether you consider those to be attractive qualities. The way this manifests is in not being concerned whether or not somebody else finds them attractive or interesting whilst retaining an interest and concern for others, being your own man as it were.

 

Be proactive in getting to know people, if someone interests you ask them if they want to do something, whether with you and your friends or you alone, take it from there and don't be afraid to ask them out on a 'date' if you feel that there's a connection.

 

In the absence of any information in terms of how you interact with women currently I don't know what else to tell you!! Hope the above might have helped, if not apologies !

[jettison]

It's easy to say 'be confident'. But where? And with who? What does it mean? Give me actual practical advice please...

 

It's true. You have to just expect that the woman will say yes and agree with anything you've asked from her. You will get tested in this way, and if you don't live up to it then you're unlikely to be successful. Hey, I'm short too. But I always get women when I'm confident, and fail when I'm not. It's almost black and white.

 

You can even handle rejection with confidence. If you ask a woman out, and she says no, just stand there and stare at her for about 8 seconds with a smirk on your face. Don't flinch.

 

Then say, "We'll you've gone and made this awkward haven't you? Now how are you planning on fixing it?" Then cross your arms, and tap your foot on the ground impatiently.

 

At the least it gives you a better chance.

[doyathink]

If you ask a woman out, and she says no, just stand there and stare at her for about 8 seconds with a smirk on your face. Don't flinch.

 

Then say, "We'll you've gone and made this awkward haven't you? Now how are you planning on fixing it?" Then cross your arms, and tap your foot on the ground impatiently.

 

Ahahaha....this is great. Even if I wasn't interested in a guy...this would crack me up enough to give him a date at least.

[Lowconfidence]

Again, you are not an ugly guy at all.

 

But I'm curious, how large is your population base? And if you been single all this time, do you have a lot of money saved up?

[DunwichChild]

You can even handle rejection with confidence. If you ask a woman out, and she says no, just stand there and stare at her for about 8 seconds with a smirk on your face. Don't flinch.

 

Then say, "We'll you've gone and made this awkward haven't you? Now how are you planning on fixing it?" Then cross your arms, and tap your foot on the ground impatiently.

 

At the least it gives you a better chance.

 

Does that really work? really?

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

If that was done to me I would turn on a heel and tell the people surrounding me there was a psychopath in the building and to hide.

[DunwichChild]

Yup, if I were to say that I'm sure the girl would think that I'd pull her hair and break her jaw if I were to deem her response unsatisfactory. But I guess that's why I haven't done squat.

[jettison]

If that was done to me I would turn on a heel and tell the people surrounding me there was a psychopath in the building and to hide.

 

It's all in the delivery. But it's strange that you'd willing choose to date a psychopath after engaging in that playful game of hide-and-go-seek with him that you're talking about here.

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

It's akin to plummeting out of an airplane to your death; might as well make funny faces and fart on the way down?

[Lamour detruit]

Then say, "We'll you've gone and made this awkward haven't you? Now how are you planning on fixing it?" Then cross your arms, and tap your foot on the ground impatiently.

 

 

That does not sound like it would give one a better chance. Personally, it would make me feel like a whining baboon, not to mention I can only imagine the girl would think I am some massive tool.

 

As for the original poster, as the others have noted, you are a good looking fellow, you just need to be not as harsh on yourself. Get yourself out there, and try not to be overtaken by your negative thoughts. As for the "short" thing, I am 5'7 and have dated women who are taller than I am, there is seriously nothing there that will hold you back if you do not make it a problem.