Roomate and Girlfriend Part 2

[HellFrost666]

The other similar thread I posted about this situation had to be deleted. (Long story why, but it did, and I deleted it, not the Mods.)

 

But in that thread I said my rommate got drunk at a mutual friend's house and made a bunch of sexual comments about my girlfriend.

 

I wasn't there when he said all this stuff, and neither was she.

 

But I told him it got back to me, and I told her what he said.

 

When I talked to hima bout this before he just laughed it off and said it was nothing and he was just drunk.

 

But now, fast forward to last night. He was at a bar with some of the same people and he started saying stuff like that again. Only this time he was a little more explicit about it.

 

So this morning I talked to him about it again before he went to work... This time it was a more serious conversation. He admited to me that it's not just a sexual attraction. He said he's had a crush on her since day 1 and if I wasn't in the picture he would be with her now. But he also told me since I am in the picture he knows it won't ever happen.

 

Still though... I just feel sick inside.

[SapphireNoir10]

Thats a difficult situation. He doesnt sound like a good friend. If he was, he'd respect you were together and quit saying this innappropriate stuff when hes drunk.

 

I imagine you trust your gf and know she wouldn't do anything with him. So it wont affect your relationship too much. But I'd seriously reconsider your friendship.

 

I didnt read you live together. That has to be so awkward. Can you live together without really speaking and being chummy? i'd consider moving out if not.

[Perfect Dark]

He is defiantly over-stepping the mark (being drunk is no excuse). He doesn't sound like a good friend. Maybe he should move out? As long as you trust your girlfriend then you have nothing to worry about it.

[HellFrost666]

And this is so unlike him. Him and I have been friends since I first moved to the US (13 years ago.) He's like a brother to me really. He's never been anything but loyal.

 

I've lost my Sister and my mother because of this relationsip... now I feel like it's only a matter of time before I lose him too. But with my sister and my mom it's because they don't like her. With him it's because he likes her too much.

[Perfect Dark]

I think you should talk to him again and if he talks about her like that again then drop him like it's hot.

[dragon lady]

Any chance of moving out? Or getting him to move out? Explain that you don't feel comfortable with him talking about your girlfriend like that, especially when you two are living together. It's one thing to have those feelings, but to talk to others about them is pretty low. It doesn't have to be the end of the friendship. I'm sure you would agree it would be better for him not to be around her all the time?

[jettison]

What a classless DBag. I don't know how you can continue to live with him. If I were you, I'd think about making some future arrangements so you don't have to. And the perfect response would have been...

 

"I have a confession to make. Ever since you moved in her, I've been fantasizing about grabbing a dinner fork and cramming it in your eye. Then, I usually imagine myself taking a hot iron and branding your face with it while you're sleeping. I mean, it will never happen because I know I'd go to jail, but you should just know that I think about it pretty much every day, and if it weren't for that 'jail thing', you'd be blind and disfigured by now. Oh, and BTW, have the most amazing, awe-inspiring sex together so I'm not surprised that you're jerking off to her. Who wouldn't? Sometimes, we get pretty wild too, and we play these fantasy sex games. This one time, we pictured that you walked in on us when we were making out, and you were so jealous and upset by it that you started crying. Of course, we just laughed at first, but then we imagined collecting your tears and using it as lube for our lovemaking. Wow, that was a hot session we had going there."

 

 

Ok, but in reality, if you want to take the less snarky approach, I would tell him that... "The reason you don't get any play and don't have a fantastic girlfriend like mine is because you're the type of guy who would think about making a play for his housemate's girlfriend. Women sense creepy vibes like that from men, and they usually want nothing to do with them."

[HellFrost666]

Actually, he's gotten more play then I have in the time we've known eachother. But not lately... I wonder why? lol...

 

The night I met her him and I were out at a bar with some mutual friends. I found out later on that the two mutual friends were actually trying to set her up with him. I don't know if he knows that or not... It's probably better if he doesn't know.

[ScubaDiva]

Is there a reason why you feel insecure about this? I think it's quite normal for men to go for their mate's girlfriends (well, in my experience), whereas, women would never dream of going out with someone who is/has been with their friends. I'm getting the impression that you don't feel too secure about things?

[HellFrost666]

I don't know if I am insecure or not. It just doesn't feel right.

 

She lives here too. With the way our work schedules are, she's here alone with him a lot. The two of them get along really well.

 

She works at a bar. Sometimes when he's done working and on his way home he stops in there and has a drink and talks to her. This is something I never even gave a second thought to until I found out how he really feels about her.

 

And it does annoy me how sure of himself he is when it comes to her. He said if I wasn't in the picture he would be with her now, as if it was a cold hard fact.

[ScubaDiva]

I understand where you are coming from - it's a tough one. I'm getting the impression he doesn't really respect your feelings on this. Have you considered moving out? Do you trust her? What does she have to say about it?

[orangesoda]

I don't think the guy is your 'bro' anymore. And I'd find a new place to live.

[anya85]

He said his girlfriend lives with *them*. So moving out isn't an option unless he and the gf move out together. Otherwise, he'd be leaving her with the friend the entire time, and not just when he's not around.

[HellFrost666]

It's not as easy as just moving out. Him and I have lived here 7 years. She has lived here with us for three years.

 

One day I hope to buy this house. I've even talked to my landlord about it. If there was some dispute between him and I, there is no document saying I get the house (listen to me... it sounds like I am talking about a divorce or something, lol.) But, we got this place together. We both signed the lease. Some of the bills are in his name, some are in mine, etc. My girlfriend and I could never afford a place as nice as this if it was just the two of us.

[Perfect Dark]

Either way he is not a good friend, If he had the chance to have sex with your g/f I bet he would take and not give a eff about your feelings. Some one has got to move out.

[Ellie2006]

It's not as easy as just moving out. Him and I have lived here 7 years. She has lived here with us for three years.

 

But, we got this place together. We both signed the lease. Some of the bills are in his name, some are in mine, etc. My girlfriend and I could never afford a place as nice as this if it was just the two of us.

 

Still, I would be wary of living in the same house with someone who has admitted (kind of) that he wishes you were out of the picture so that he could be with your gf. Even though he says that nothing will ever happen bc you are with her, it is troubling that he is becoming more vocal about (and less restrained about voicing) his attraction to your gf. His restraint may be growing thin, and his (unconscious) resentment towards you may be increasing.

 

I understand all the (financial) complications this would cause and also how you feel about losing a friend of 10+ years. Even so, it kind of sounds like a situation where you have to choose one or the other.

[Siriana]

It's not as easy as just moving out. Him and I have lived here 7 years. She has lived here with us for three years.

 

One day I hope to buy this house. I've even talked to my landlord about it. If there was some dispute between him and I, there is no document saying I get the house (listen to me... it sounds like I am talking about a divorce or something, lol.) But, we got this place together. We both signed the lease. Some of the bills are in his name, some are in mine, etc. My girlfriend and I could never afford a place as nice as this if it was just the two of us.

 

You're not being silly for feeling the way you do regarding all this.

 

But, in my opinion HellFrost I don't think the house is the thing you should be worried about or calculating with at this point, unless you're trying to justify you not doing a thing because you're afraid you might loose a friend. In that case I completely get you. Plus, if you bought the house what would you do with your friend - kicked him out or he would be buying the house with you? My point is even if you were buying the house you would have to deal with the situation who's going to live where.

 

I do believe that room mate thing needs to stop even if that means you and your gf finding a less nice place to live in.

 

This is way too awkward. I dare to say f*** that modern liberal crap where we're expected to be full of trust, not jealous, and not protective enough of the things we have in our lives.

 

I think it will get weirder and weirder if you choose to ignore it.

It's like having a pink elephant in your room.

 

I don't think he should be the one moving out. Since you and your gf are in serious relationship it seems kinda right for you to find a new place to live in. Your life situation changed (i.e. in serious relationship) so the glow doesn't fit you any more not him (I'll ignore the fact he acts silly because I assume he's slightly sad, resentful and quite horny at this point lol)

 

ps. I've just read your other thread after writing this response (the one about being severely depressed). So many things are happening to you at once! Definitely enough to throw you out of balance. I now understand why you hesitate to resolve this situation with your friend.