Admitting to being a commitmentphobe?

[tattoobunnie]

Hypothetically, let's say you've recognized that your a classic commitmentphobe for over a decade. Coming from a traumatic experiences as a kid, and a past abusive relationship, you found yourself continuously in a string of relationships with emotionally unavailable or generally unfit men, or with great guys, that once you start to feel pressure to make a commitment, you panic, focus and find faults, and begin to sabotage it, and quickly flee.

 

And let's say you finally find a guy that totally inspires you to want to change. Form a relationship with them, then out of fear of abandonment, do things to drive them away. Deep down and on the surface, you love this guy and want him. You're still communicating. Would you tell them of your secret, because they are beating themselves up? Or would you brush it again under the rug because it shouldn't be his problem?

 

Can people relate?

[25thfloor]

yes. i can relate. best advice, go to a therapist. they have tools that can help you. i no longer do that, and i'm in the best relationship i have ever had.

[tattoobunnie]

Yeah...I don't enjoy admitting that I am. All of friends always come to me for love advice, that actually benefits them and works. Admitting this, I feel like a sham.

 

Back to the subject, I am taking steps to work on it. I know I don't want to be this way anymore. And the guy has been pressing to stay friends with me. I feel like he should really know what he's up against. Would it be TMI (too much information)?

[25thfloor]

Yeah...I don't enjoy admitting that I am. All of friends always come to me for love advice, that actually benefits them and works. Admitting this, I feel like a sham.

 

Back to the subject, I am taking steps to work on it. I know I don't want to be this way anymore. And the guy has been pressing to stay friends with me. I feel like he should really know what he's up against. Would it be TMI (too much information)?

 

it really sounds like you should maybe say a little something, but you know you won't be able to have a healthy relationship until you change this toxic behavior? i'd hate to see you waste one more day on not being authentic to yourself....and getting the best.