Why is he so hot & cold... why won't he just leave? and why can't i?

[iamgrl30]

OK so i am posting again.

 

i just don't knwo what to do. i am going nuts! i am in limbo and it's paralyzing. the end hurts but this is more then just hurtful. it's confusing and consuming my life. he sends mixed signals.

he doesn't want to break things off but he doesn't want to give me the emotional stuff i need. he says that he cares for me. tells my best friend how he cares about me. and that he knows we should do more tihngs together. and we should spend more time together. 2.5 mos isn't a long time. but my heart hurts. the sweet pet names and the constant calls and texts have really calmed down. we fight a lot. but about nothing. things like communication. and him opening up to me. and he won't. i can't breathe sometimes. and i feel like it's taking over my life. i care so much for him. and i believe he cares for me. but something is holding him back. he said i don't allow him to miss me or chase me. but those are games. i am 31 yrs old. and if he wants me to play hard to get, then how does one even go about doing that? i do act like i don't care, and i don't answer all his calls. some of my friends tell me i should tell him i miss him or ask him to do things because by me acting like i don't care then he is going to do the same. so someone help me please ... even if it's how to stop obsessing over this. it would be great to wake up and be able to go back to my happy go lucky self.

[annie24]

it's not a good sign if you haven't even been dating 3 months and you are fighting!

[doiiiieeezie]

Really... end it. If this is making you more miserable than happy, what is the pay off for you?

 

Be happy with you and yourself first. If this was your first fight... okay... but this much after 3 months?

 

Pull the cord.

[iamgrl30]

he says it's because hurt him by always ending it with him and certain things that i have said to him that i guess hurt him. i just don't want to kill somethign that might have a chance. but if it's really over why won't he just end it too?

[iamgrl30]

see we are from 2 different backgrounds tho. 2 different walks of life. i have never dated anyone like him before and vice versa. that could be a factor too. he has good in him. i think that we need to work together. but it's like more me then him trying

[Casey13]

I would expect a post like this from either a 17 year old who's dating someone for 2.5 months or someone your age who's dating someone for 2+ years. Take all the fighting and immediate issues to the side for a second and I'm going to tell you that if you have such emotional attachment (to the point where you're going nuts and it's taking over your life) after merely 8-10 weeks of dating someone then you should approach relationships differently and resolve some issues within yourself before your next commitment. How do you have all these problems after just 10 weeks of dating? What happened to the honeymoon phase that lasts at least a minimum of 3-6 months for most? I'm really confused how you're already where you are in just 2.5 months at the age of 31.

[iamgrl30]

you're right. i have been thru a lot of heartache the last few yrs. and he filled a void. i lost my dad 2 yrs ago. and that anniversary was right before i met him. he made me feel good. i know that growing up without that male figure makes it hard for me to have a relationship where i wear my heart on my sleeve. i appreciate your words. i really do. and i agree. i can be needy. but it's only because i have been hurt by so many things in life that i think that dumped that all on him. and i can't be like that with anyone that i am with. we broke up last night. and although it hurts, i feel a weight has been lifted. how does this NC rule work and or help? lol