Feel like Im falling into a black hole

[male2008]

Hi

 

So its been 5 months now since our break up.

 

The relationship was difficult and I wont go into details. But in short

Lots of emotional issues fromher, emotional infidelity she did that not me, lost a pregnancy and many many times she cried for no reasons during our whole relationship.

 

I still loved her dearly in our relationship and gave everything into it and got hurt and came out of it a little weaker then when I entered. She became stronger and better due to my help and support(she had annorexia for 13 years.)

 

I was doing fine and alot better then this summer.

 

we had a run in like a month from our nc which was about 2 1/2 months into our breakup. She came to a camping trip where I was with a guy and parked next to me and so on. She came everywhere I went and always with the guy.

 

But the summer went on I worked on my self and was doing much better.

 

Then today I heard that she is and has been dating this guy since they met like 2 months after our break up. This is her pattern I meet her like 2 months after her break up with another guy.

 

What hurt me and is putting me into a black hole is that this isnt fair.

I had to really work on me and get me through this summer, missing her and trying to date and meeting nothing but girls that it would never go the distance with.

 

But she meets a guy straight of the bat and what all this summer she has been cuddeling, sleeping with him and is happy as hell!

 

I have had a difficult summer and still trying to get over this breakup.

 

This is unfair. I was the one that gave this girl everything and never got the same in return. I spend nights awake with her helping her to get over stress and eating right.

 

Where is my reward???????????

 

I feel like I got bambozeled. that I got taken. I got nothing except a broken heart and now Im alone and nothing.

 

She is just happy as a camper with a new boyfriend. Live sucks. I try to do the right thing by her, by everyone, I help where ever I can, I work with kids while working on my busniess and while doing school.

 

There is no reward in this world for doing right. I got taken and she got the reward!

 

I feel like Im falling into a black hole, I cant take this anymore this is just unfair and I always belived that I would get something in return for being a loveing boyfriend and a good person. But thats a big lie!

 

I cant even throw out the baby clothes that we bought together and I dreamed the other night about her and our lost baby over and over again.

 

Why does she get to move on happy and I get nothing!

[anders055]

Sometimes there are no answers to questions in life. Don't seek happiness in another relationship. Take some time out to do things you enjoy. That's what matters in the end anyways.

[insearch]

You sound so much like me except my bf left me for another woman. His best friend’s widow! For some reason I find that fact disturbing. Our break up began around the end of July. I was getting better until 2 weeks ago. I made the mistake of believing his lies and now I feel like I'm in that black hole again. He destroyed my life.

 

I cried myself to sleep last night. I do most nights (when I sleep). I have come to realize that I am severely depressed. I made and appointment to go to the doctor. I just can't do this any longer. I think you may need to think about doing this yourself. I'm not being mean, I just see signs that maybe you need a little help.

 

Also, know that she is the classic rebounder. This relationship probably will not work either. She doesn't deal with her issues before she moves on.

[Rob1000]

Some times people just change their minds. There are no explanations. It sucks big time. I'm in the same situation. We keep our NC and get every day the best we can!

[odile]

How long had the two of you been together before the break-up?

 

The longer that the two of you were together, the longer that it might take you to totally get over her.

Seeing her and spending time with her on that camping trip a couple of months ago may have prolonged the process of healing for you.

 

Be patient with yourself.

You ask where your reward is?

You are your own reward; you were, and still are, a person who cares about other people.

 

It hurts to feel left in the dust, and imagine that you weren't appreciated, but

when bestowing kindness on others, we simply can't expect any greater reward than knowing that we are doing the right thing.

 

If she can move on so easily, then your reward is that you are now free of someone who did not was not the best match for you.

 

You still have yourself, your integrity, and your caring heart.

This is worth a lot, and when you find the right girl, she will appreciate you for those very reasons.

[surfNski]

I know exactly how you feel buddy. I gave my ex the world and less than a month before she walked out we were discussing our future kids names. I even started the process of moving family out to where we lived so we could start getting everybody together for the wedding and starting a family.

 

One day she just changed her mind and told me "we have no future". I am with you, that whole outlook of "sometimes people change their mind" or "there someone better waiting for you right around the corner" just doesnt work for me.

 

I have been a wreck for the last five months and she had moved on within the first month. In fact I think she already had someone when she left me.

 

I treated her like gold and she through what we had a away with ease. I dont hope the best for her, I dont hope she sleeps well at night, I dont hope see's rainbows everyday. What she did was wrong and cruel and thas not ok...

 

As they say "no good deed goes unpunished".

 

Good luck man

[mgirl]

Take some time out to do things you enjoy. That's what matters in the end anyways.

 

I'm sorry to hear you're hurting. I (and many others here i suppose) know how you feel.

 

The above mentioned advice is good. Also, take the time to develop some boundaries so you don't feel used next time.

[whitbymike]

Same deal, 18 years together, and she gone like it never happened, new man new life, She wants out, I'm the one that ends up alone in a new place with nothing familiar, she's in the same house, with the kids and the dog and says "we grew apart" with no real feeling like we painted a room the wrong color and changed our minds.

[SnowFox]

I understand how you feel.

 

You may not be able to appreciate this now- but your "reward" will ultimately be the knowledge that you are a good person, someone who is truly capable of caring about someone else, someone who is capable of being a supportive partner.

 

I am sure that at some point you will meet a woman who is searching for a man with those very qualities! Most sane women want a guy like that!

 

Also, another thing to think about is that you may be prone to the "rescuer" syndrome. For men, this often manifests itself as being drawn to women who have a lot of problems and who need a lot of help with functioning in life. I understand that most men enjoy feeling needed by their partner, so these types of women can be quite appealing. Because these sorts of women are truly needy, men can find themselves feeling extremely attracted to them.

 

But, the problem is that needy people don't usually make stable long term partners. It becomes a parent-child dynamic that usually falls apart - either the "parent" gets tired of taking care of the "child" or the "child" starts to grow up and wants someone who is an equal rather than a "daddy figure" to hang with.

 

So....when you get back out into the dating scene, maybe pay a little bit of attention to the sorts of women you are drawn to. Hopefully you'll be able to meet a woman who can manage her own life and emotions on her own, but wants a caring man alongside her to enjoy life with.

 

Good luck!

[Nynnja]

Also, another thing to think about is that you may be prone to the "rescuer" syndrome. For men, this often manifests itself as being drawn to women who have a lot of problems and who need a lot of help with functioning in life. I understand that most men enjoy feeling needed by their partner, so these types of women can be quite appealing. Because these sorts of women are truly needy, men can find themselves feeling extremely attracted to them.

 

But, the problem is that needy people don't usually make stable long term partners. It becomes a parent-child dynamic that usually falls apart - either the "parent" gets tired of taking care of the "child" or the "child" starts to grow up and wants someone who is an equal rather than a "daddy figure" to hang with

 

This is outstanding. Exactly what happened to me and my ex, and exactly what i feel happened to you and yours. You were together, YOU helped her through her problems, YOU were always there for her when no-one else was, and once she was "cured" she found who she preferred to be with.

 

It sucks, and it sucks hard, but it will get better i can promise that

[male2008]

I actually dumped her "Nynnja". I got tired, I got strung out and couldnt handle the guys on facebook and myspace, her msn. Not to mention the crying, the troubles, the eating and sleeping and stress.

 

It wore me out. I have to busniesses now going, I workout 5 times a week I go to school, I work 2 jobs and this was just ruining alot for me.

 

But the thing is I dumped her 5 times and she always wanted me back. In the end I saw it was just a circle we kept going into. We get back together, she behave and then boom all over again.

 

So when we discussed getting backtogether this summer. I said it wasent a good idea for the time being, one month later boom she has another boyfriend and is still dating him.

 

I thought that she would at least take some time to greave. I still am sad sometimes over loseing her. Its mabey more what we had when things were good.

 

I also still hurt when I think of the baby we lost.

 

I dont mind that she found someone. But this was to fast. Right of the bat.

 

She even told me she was gone be single and work on her self. But that was a lie.

 

She has been taken care of since she was 9 years old and developed annorexia, then at 22 we met. She was "cured" and she had just dumped her boyfriend. I took over from her parents and doctors. I did EVERYTHING to make sure she was smiling.

 

It took my whole soul. I worked and started my first busniess and I got overstressed cause at xmas(well every xmas) she cried and cried. The first one was because we ate at her hous, went to mine to open presents and then went to her place. She cried the whole time at my place the full 2 hours cause she missed her family.

 

I sacrificed so much, and feel like I got nothing in return in the end. Now she is cuddeling probably with her boyfriend. Im alone at home just got home from bouncing and Im writing her. This isnt fair.

 

I really hate life at the moment. Its unfair. And reward for knowing Im a good person, no thats not enough. I have been a good person my whole life.

 

I dont even see my self falling in love even if thats the one thing I really want.

[male2008]

I just dont know what to do. I dont meet girls I could fall for more then a one night stand with. I dont feel good, I feel like I got left behind. Im trying my hardest to be a sucess. Im just falling.

[male2008]

I actually wrote a long letter to the baby we lost and took a candle, put it by the grave with the letter. It was too him and about how I was sorry about things went and that I knew I messed up. That I was sorry I didnt get to know him and the advice I wanted to give him.

 

It actually felt really good. I also thought what would he want his father to do and feel. How would he want him to live his life. So know I think sometimes about it. Am I doing him justice living life well.

 

I hope Im back on track and will feel better. I feelt lonelyness yesterday, thought about it, Im alone no one to hug and she is with her boyfriend.

 

But then I meet her mother and she ignored me really angry for no reason. Then my dad told me, mabey you dont know the story. Mabey the new guy is a douchbag and she is pissed that you left her. Or that she has had an even tougher time then you to get over it and her mother is again angry that you hurt her.

[male2008]

Ok that shouldnt make me feel good that she also feels mabey bad. But I shouldnt put her on a pedistal and think that everything is perfect in her life and Im still trying to get my life together.

 

I also felt that when I thought about my unborn son, what would he want his dad to think and feel. Well he would want his dad to think kind thoughts of his mother and hope that she is happy.