Does He Really Want Me Or Is He Playing Me?

[Briansgirl827]

Recently back in February I met this guy. He actually found me online, we met a week later, he said he was falling for me fast. I fell too. we text each other every day, and saw each other every weekend. He is a Federal Cop in VA, I work in MD as a receptionist. TMI maybe! but anyway, the last weekend i saw him was the weekend before Easter, he went to his moms in PA to visit, although he called me and said he didnt want to go all the way up there. he missed me and loved me. since his return, he has stopped texting me all together, he did at first a few times. then he didnt hardly call me. now he calls me at intervals. i havent seen him for 3 weeks now. he was supposed to come see me this weekend, but i didnt hear from him. he did call me on thursday 4 times, we talked like always, he said he loved me, missed me. then saturday morning he called me again to say hi, he had been called into work. he said he loved me, and missed me again. then no word til yesterday when i got on aol and saw he was online. then i asked him what he was doing. he said he was in the hospital and had his laptop with him. i was so afraid he was not wanting me anymore. then we talked online a few, then he said he was off. then put his away message on. then back online 16 minutes later. i tried to talk to him but he didnt answer me. so he said earlier that he would call me lastnight, then he didnt. i am so afraid of getting hurt again. what is a girl to do. he has brought up the subject of maybe moving in together this summer and one day putting a ring on my finger and walking me down the isle. am i just so dang confused or should i have a reason to suspect he is playing me?

[faeriechyld]

He doesn't happen to be an Elvis impersonator...right? Sorry, just sounds like someone a person who was very close to me met online.

 

You need to find a way to communicate to him that you are feeling ignored. He may just be really busy with work and not have as much time. Maybe taking time off to go visit his mother put him behind at work. It could just be a simple misunderstanding, but you need to tell him how you feel in order for you to gain some insight into what is going on. The fact that he has called you makes me think he is just busy with other things and can't get away long enough to come see you.

 

By the way, where in MD are you from? I'm an MD girl myself.

[avman]

Hello Briansgirl827 and welcome to eNotalone,

 

Hmmm, sounds to me like there is something up with this guy. I mean, who goes to the hospital with their laptop? They won't let you turn on your cellphone in there, so there is no way they are going to let you power up a laptop either with all that equipment around. How would he be able to get online then? And I dont know that I've even been in good enough shape while hospitalized to feel like getting on my LAPTOP of all things.

 

Nah, the whole story sounds fishy to me. And the whole playing games with the "I've gotta go", then putting up an away, then taking it down and ignoring your messages? I don't buy it. He is hiding something and not telling you the whole story. Perhaps he has someone else he's also pursuing and cannot decide between the two of you.

 

As for the whole deal about him saying he loves you, misses you, and wants to come see you - and then all of a sudden seeming to vanish, well there seems to be a lot of that going around. Some people just cannot figure out what they want, so they toy around with others in the process. And when they do that, innocent people get hurt.

 

I see that you are hurting from this, and hopefully I am wrong about this guy. But I think he's not telling you something. Lay it on the line with him and tell him you want the whole story. If he's not willing to do that for you, then its time to move on. You don't deserve to get played so don't let this guy mess around with your feelings like that.

 

avman

[Scout]

He's not playing straight with you. I've met these types before - their calling card is ALWAYS coming on very strong, very fast. I know this sounds easy to say, hard to do, but I strongly advise you just cut this guy loose. There are too many other really good guys out there to waste anymore of your time on this dud.

[Rainy]

I agree with the last post, my ex was the same coming on strong and then backing off, id give him a wide berth if i was you, you will only end up getting hurt in the long run, I dont think relationships should be a game, and today most men seem to think thats the way to go!!

[Princess777]

I agree that it's all really a tall tale, especially the laptop at the hospital.... that's pretty insane. He's probably not even a real cop either. It sounds like all he's really exhibited is that he is good at lying. Think about his words as compared to his actions in regard to seeing you, and the relationship as a whole and I think you'll get a clearer picture. Step outside yourself for a moment to see what he's actually done as compared to his words..... I would lose this guy quick if I were you.

 

Good luck, keep us posted.

[Briansgirl827]

well, he is a real cop, ive seen the vest and the gun and the clothes, ive been to his house, and i am going to keep from calling him to see if he decides to call me. he has called me from work before and i can hear him in the police car and the radio they use in them. I know all the things you say are true, i dont judge anyones oppinion. i appreciate all the thoughts and welcome them or i would not be here to talk... ive been hurt so many times before and he just seemed so much different then the others... who knows, maybe im exaggerating on the whole thing. we will see... and i am in Severn, Maryland. wish me luck, I am only going to wait til this weekend to see if he makes up his mind on what his intensions are. and then only will i make my decision on to stay with him or let go... i find it hard to let go of something i love so much... he has made me feel more confident about who i am and the way i look... so that in itself makes things so much harder.

[Princess777]

Well, that's a good sign then, that you've verified that he's a real cop. In that case, he may be just a really busy person and maybe it's a little of both.... maybe he's really busy AND he doesn't know what he wants..... I would venture to say that if you stay with him there will probably be a lot of secrets that he cannot tell you, etc. because of his work and if he is very involved in his job like it sounds like he is, there may not be a lot of time for you. However you never know. In any case, he has led you on several times about seeing you and then didn't even call. That is definitely a sign of a player but since you know he really has a job like that, it could be that he is only giving you what he is capable of giving you.... just be careful on this. I think it is possible that he cares for you but I also think it's possible that he's playing you..... I know that it doesnt' help much but I think the answer lies in whether or not you can accept him for who he is and what he does, moreso than hoping he'll change. Does that help.......... wish I could help more.

[Briansgirl827]

Thank you, Im glad to have some people to talk to about this... I stress easy and its so hard for me when i feel this way. the guys here at work tell me to not call him and to let him call me, some say he sounds like he knows how to treat a woman when i tell them the things he has said to me, and the others say, yeah he is a cop and knows all the tricks, so you see i get two different oppinions here. but they all say just give it time, and see if he calls and comes to me. not to worry. i am a virgo and i am such a basket case when it comes to emotions. he is an aquarius, i know he is in the astrology sense not my type, but i dont really believe its your birth sign or any thing like that that makes a relationship work, its reality and if your willing to work at it. i just have fallen so in love with him that i dont want to get hurt again. and im afraid of that very thing.

[innocentdreamer]

He doesn't happen to be an Elvis impersonator...right? Sorry, just sounds like someone a person who was very close to me met online.

 

You need to find a way to communicate to him that you are feeling ignored. He may just be really busy with work and not have as much time. Maybe taking time off to go visit his mother put him behind at work. It could just be a simple misunderstanding, but you need to tell him how you feel in order for you to gain some insight into what is going on. The fact that he has called you makes me think he is just busy with other things and can't get away long enough to come see you.

 

By the way, where in MD are you from? I'm an MD girl myself.

 

i dunno but seems this dude mite b not playin str8 here cuz even in school no guy should jus not call or show wen u think u have a date? n avman has a good point about the laptop cuz u use away wen u walk away n can come back n all not like sumwhere ne1 can walk up n see wat ur doin? maybe this dude jus isnt so sure as he wuz or sumthin but u do need to see wats up here cuz 2 mnths is fast 2 be talkin movin in n all n now not seem so interested in u maybe he jus lieked gettin ur attentin n now isnt so sure nemore since its not so excitin now but sounds wrong 2 me so b carful wit ur feelins. maybe he lieks chasin more n catchin if u get my drift...

[Teal]

i think he's probably talking to someone else on the side. he's probably playing you. if he really wants to marry you, then why doesn't he just put the ring on your finger already? his laptop excuse, doesn't sound right. i don't think that makes a sound explaination. he's really up to something. i had a player for a boyfriend. so watch out.

[Briansgirl827]

okay, so i went out alone lastnight to try and get my mind off things... got a bit toasted, had alot of guys trying to hit on me... shot some pool... went home... got on aol, and he was online again... i asked him if he was happy (i said: i hope your happy), he said y, i started to tell him how i was feeling, then he called my cell phone, asked me if i got his text message, i said none... he said he wanted me to come see him... i was furiously crying on the phone, he asked what was wrong. i said that i felt that he didnt want me anymore... then i asked him "do you still love me" and he said "yes i do"... we talked for a few, i asked him what he was doing up so late, he said" i dont know" couldnt sleep"... well, i left him a message this morning on his cell phone that he better not be playing me and that i wanted to know why he didnt call or text me anymore like he did before, and that i was so into him at this point that i would be devestated if i lost him... we will see this weekend if he actually comes to see me and i told him that we needed to talk. so im trying to prepare myself for the worse, wether it be his decision or mine to end it. i have way too much to offer the right man to just be treated like a side dish.

[avman]

i have way too much to offer the right man to just be treated like a side dish

That sums it up quite nicely. You don't want to be his little toy that he picks up when he's bored or not getting enough attention from other places in his life. You want to be the main course. The "chosen one" so to speak.

 

Don't settle for less Briansgirl.

[Mountain Gal]

Avman is right! Don't settle for less. Love is more than words . . . it is shown by behavior and actions. And his behavior doesn't sound especially nice or caring, despite the sweet words. If you've let him know you are hurting and he continues to ignore your needs, lose the guy. You deserve someone who makes you feel happy! He may just be busy, he may be a player, he may be focused on other things in his life. Who knows. But the bottom line is that you are feeling miserable and confused. If he is unwilling to take steps to correct the situation, he is not worth your time. You deserve respect, kindness, and someone who cherishes you. Don't make it so easy for him. Expect better behavior, and it he doesn't come through, drop him like a hot rock. Show him some self-respect and backbone. You have a choice! Best of luck Briansgirl.

[exhale]

Sorry to tell you this, but it sounds to me like you are being played the fool. Nothing about his excuses or his comments to you make any sense. Laptop in a hospital - yah right.

 

Drop this guy and fast - sounds like a player.