Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[iam42]

i will never forgive you. i hope that i don't miss you for the rest of my life.

[Enn]

Oh ex, you were too bloody young. But you did seem to really care, and it was a shocker when you suddenly didn't. All the same, as we all agree, I have transformed your life and you had better bloody miss me.

[sunshine34]

i am starting to understand that each day that passes without you, is a new block added to my life comprised of less of you. Soon the days will build up and the parts that were comprised of you will be replaced by the parts that do not have a trace of your existence. "Tired of being treated like I'm stupid. Baby I'm done. I could go off, I could show my ass Blow up like a tanker gas, but instead I choose to maintain my class and simply tell you that it's over". Initially, I left you, because you didn't make me feel loved and appreciated and you sort of ruined my birthday. Were my expectations a little out of line? YES and maybe I was relying too much on the superficial, but truthfully... Had you taken me back, I probably would have left you again for the same reasons. You are a child and you don't know how to treat a woman. This time, you refused to be official with me, perhaps because I took you into my dungeons and tore down my walls for you, showed you the woman behind the curtain pulling the strings. THe trick wasn't as delightful for you once you saw the real person behind it, and that's cool. I still appreciate you being there for me and at the same time, even though I am not fully there yet, I know eventually I will appreciate you not letting me in. Because, truthfully, I don't think you were right for me. A man that can not love the visceral connection we shared and value the smoke show more is disgusting to me. Especially when the smoke show wasn't the best part. Your smoke show was like a bad concert that no one showed up to. So many men have wooed me so much better than you and I know in the future, the smoke show and the visceral being behind it will be 100% better than your conceited pre-me dr self.

Back to my point about moving forward, I feel confident that each step I take without you, is a step closer to my newer, brighter, better future. I'm almost turning a corner where I know I can see the light ahead, but part of me still wants to turn around and run into your arms. THeres a piece of me still anticipating your return, your comeback, but I am also believing more that I don't want that and that it's not going to happen. I pray my results come back okay and then I can bid you adieu. Even though I already have, I feel like if they don't come back okay and you text to check on me, this will end up dragging on. I simply have to remind myself that even if it's not okay, you are not family, you are not permanent, and you are NOT the person I want to help me with this any longer. I feel inside in my faith I will be okay, and I hope I am, but even if not, I cannot turn to you.

All that being said, I am walking forward. This chapter is closing and there will be no more you in my life. For the first time, I don't want to break into tears writing that, because I've learned a couple of things. One is that, you need to open your eyes to what is actually in front of you. It's not the person you want to see, rather it is the person that is there ; the way you treat me would not change. The way you treat me is unacceptable, and I no longer have to bear that burden. No longer have to wake up sad that you valued our past more than our future, sad that you are playing with my heart like a puppeteer, disappointed in your shortcomings emotionally , mentally, and as a man. All of these hot stones on my back have been released. I should not be sad about that. I will no longer stare at a glass of water and beg it to be wine, in the future I WILL not allow my feelings to stand in the way of other people's words. I WILL not convince my heart to fight for something I should give up on, and I WILL NOT let someone see me that vulnerable again. Unless I am willing to pick up my own pieces, unless there is a ring on my finger, unless that person has become that vulnerable and weak with me. Otherwise, I will bear the rigid cytoskeleton I have acquired over the years. I will pick up my shell, add this layer, and move forward with these notes attached. I WILL NOT allow myself to trust someone is a "good person" based off of intuition again and I will not give them any credit that was not earned by them. How you allow others to treat you is how you think you deserve to be treated, respect is not given, it is taken. I am no longer this person that I have been in the past. Today and Tomorrow are new days.

[RandomBlather]

Have barely thought about you in weeks, and last night BAM! There you were in my head again. Funny thing is, I didn't feel sad for too long. I'm moving on, dating, and generally life without you is fine. Days like yesterday are getting rarer and rarer. In fact, they're almost non-existent.

 

I hope you're well. I'm doing great.

[biggestdork]

Im sorry C, you were always good to me but my head is not in the right place right now

[km2]

After months, I feel like crying over you. After the accident happened I just wanted to call you on the phone and have you hug me. The smell of port royal as I buried my face into your chest..

 

It could get you to come around tonight. It would be so easy.

 

It's just another new thing that I need to get through on my own.

 

x

[iam42]

you broke away. we are broken up. i am broken open.

[Firesite]

This has been one of the hardest weeks since the breakup but Im keep strong staying with No contact. I almost broke it but I realized that you needed to realize that you can't treat people the way you treated me. If I did reach out to you, it would only make you realize that you treat people how ever you want and get away with it. Oh how I yearn for the day that goes by where your out of my mind. That day will come soon enough...

[Glimpse205]

Made it a month with NC. Wish it didn't have to be like this but what can I do. Most difficult month of my life. Thank you to everyone who posts on this site, you have given me guidance and advice that is beyond helpful.

[RougeQueen]

How DARE you try to tell me you didn't leave me for her! How DARE you treat me like I'm some weak, feeble-minded idiot! How could you possibly ever think that I would believe that?! Regardless of WHY you left, you still effing left!

 

Now you regret it?! Not my problem that the other woman turned out to be a trashy hose beast! Maybe if you would have used the head on your shoulders you would have connected the dots a lot quicker. I didn't even have to meet her to know she was a sk*nk! Just from what you told me about her it was supremely obvious! Her sending you "sexy" (I use that word very loosely. Kind of like her, wouldn't you say?) pictures while you had a gf? Oh but you guys decided to just be friends, right? Are those the kinds of pictures friends send to each other these days? Good to know! I'm sure my guy friends will love receiving such "friendly" pictures from me! I'm sure their gf's will understand. *rolls eyes*

 

I am so disgusted by you. And by her. You two are in your 30's and have acted like children. You deserve each other. Oh, what's that? It never would have worked out? Or is it that once you were no longer in a relationship you were no longer a conquest for her and she lost interest in you. I think THAT'S why you stopped talking, not that weak excuse you gave me. She found someone else's bf to go steal. She's a boyfriend collector, you dumba$$.

 

Anyway, there never was and never will be a chance of me taking you back. You are a despicable, selfish, low class loser who deserves to be with someone just like you. You better go get another gf so what's-her-name will get interested in you again and take you back. Do NOT contact me.

[Noles0808]

I hate myself for not knowing what I wanted when I had you. I blame myself everyday for not giving you more and taking you for granted. I am so mad at myself for not learning from my mistakes. It dawned on me only when it's too late and you don't want me anymore. Now I would give anything to show you how much I want to commit to you.

 

I think about you everyday, I want you back more than anything. But I can feel it in my bones that you have moved on. A part of me wants to know if there is anywhere in your mind that thinks we still have a shot, but at the same time I absolutely dread the wrong answer. So ill continue to go nc, I need to move on but I just can't let go of that hope yet.

 

I have these fantasies in my head that if I tell you how I feel and how much I'm hurting that you will come running back. I have emails drafted but can't and won't send them.

 

I have to move on. Put one foot in front of the other and just walk.

[sunshine34]

I need to confess that I broke nc today.. I was doing so well.. I guess I was expecting you to cave and since you didn't I found a lame excuse and texted u about a movie we didn't get to watch together. we texted back and forth and I told you about going to the gym and you were concerned its too early and vomit speechif to me why I shouldn't and why it's ba for me and before well when I did think there was hope I would have seen the sign as u care genuinely and there was hope but I now know there isn't and it's just friendly concern. stupid me redirects to the one piece of you I haven't thrown out and you just give me a " I tell you it was a happy memory and you tell me to keep it. ounce of false hope until there is a lull in the conversation and I realize, I no longer trust you.. the same familiar feeling I had when I was over your house and your phone was vibrating last time mixed with the "I want to explore other options", I don't trust you. nothing can fix that, nothing can fix this. not even my relentless loving you with your unwillingness to open your eyes. I've said that before, but now I believe it. I found a way to end the conversation as nonabrubtly as possible because saying goodbye is never easy. I get a feeling of stupidity and regret. the sacrifice of dignity for emotional comfort wasn't worth it this time and I am highly debating deleting your number. I know how my mind works and if I do that I'll just think about it more, so I just need to come here next time instead of texting you. changing patterns will bring about change. this will never work, even if u tried now, I don't trust you and I know it would be fake. at the moment, that doesn't make it easier for me to not want it, but hopefully, eventually it will. I know texting you will just hurt me and remind me that you wont and can't give up other girls for me and that I can't trust you. both will erode me and I have no more room for erosion than the work you have already done on my inside. you and the world. the world and my health. my mind and my stupid choices. I am sorry for texting you and letting my mental image get the better of me. all this is is a facade of a person. me wanting to believe the facade and the miracle painting, but the truth has stared me in the face enough and I want a better reality. please stop hurting yourself Jen. you deserve better and I love you even though dimitri cannot.

[swans]

I don't really know if I'm getting over you or not. I still haven't had any physical contact with anyone but I've been kind of flirting.

I know I am amazing. I know some people think that of me, and they want me. They value me. They think I am beautiful and intelligent and interesting and funny. And I know that too. At least you couldn't shatter my self esteem.

But I still think of you everyday. You're my first thought in the morning. I don't feel jealous when I think about you with women, I know you, I know what you are doing. Of course that if I saw a picture of you with somebody else I would be devastated, but I sometimes think I need that. I need proof. Because otherwise I will literally love you forever. Even if I know we won't be together, I will still feel pure love for you. And I want to stop. I need to stop feeling like this and move on to somebody else.

 

Sometimes I feel like I need to break NC and hear you saying that you are now with somebody else.

It's been almost five months and I need to stop loving you.

[aw4919]

The initial pain is finally fading into anger, which is fueled by disappointment. In you. I can't even believe your total abandonment. It's jaw-dropping. You are a coward. Not for breaking up with me, not for completely cutting me out of every part of your life as quickly as you could.. that's all icing on the cake. The cake being that during our relationship, you refused to open up to me. The last thing I said to you was "I would have done absolutely anything for you." and you said, "I know." So why in the world would you keep silent while this was brewing and then leave without looking back a single time? I would have changed. Immediately. And for the better. The changes that I'm making now are the changes I could have made then. Which only leads me to believe that you never even wanted to try. That it was all bull. And that just kills me. I remember being worried in my mind when you said you broke up with that girl in high school because a friend told you she was cheating on you. When you confronted her, she told you she was pregnant. You missed the abortion date (I agree it wasn't your fault, you did try everything to be there), but after it was all said and done, you left her. The same way you left me, without looking back. Coward. Do I think what you're doing is morally wrong? No, not at all. But it is cowardice at it's finest. God forbid you have to face the consequences of your actions.

 

You could have saved us if you wanted to. And I understand all of the rest of it, but I want to know the exact point where you decided that I wasn't worth giving a chance. I stood by you and gave you my best smile and my best support through the hardest two years of my life, and you couldn't give me a warning. You said I knew this was coming. You didn't say how every time I brought it up it was followed by me begging you to just talk to me and tell me what you're unhappy with. If the spark died, fine. I need to know that. If you think we have communication problems, fine. You're pretty right. I can't fix that because that is YOUR problem, not mine. I own up to mine. I was terrible to you. But don't you dare put your problems on me too. You're worried about being 2 hours away when for two years you were in Africa and I was faithful, supportive, and felt that you were the same in return?

 

Can you see why this doesn't add up? I need the truth because I can handle any possible reason better than this uncertainty of what the $$$ I did wrong, and when, and how often. But you're too afraid to face me, even through a computer screen or phone. What, because it hurts too much? If you're indifferent to me entirely, it shouldn't be hard for you to give me what I ask for. Even if you loathe the idea of getting back together with me, don't you think after everything that I deserve to have one hour or so of your time to lessen the pain I'm going through? No, you don't owe it to me, but I really just think that anyone who loved me for even a second in time would give it to me. But definitely what's hurting the most right now is that when I told you I loved you, I meant it in a way that very few people ever get to experience. I meant it unconditionally, and I still feel that way. When you told me you loved me, it was the most naive kind of lie. Because if you loved me ever, it would have never come to this.

[RougeQueen]

I laughed when I saw that picture she sent you. You know, the one I caught you staring at after you dumped me for her. I couldn't believe that THAT was this perfect woman you left me for.

 

The way you were so mesmerized by that picture I thought that she must be some goddess of beauty. It really messed with my self esteem for awhile.

 

And then I saw this supposed goddess. I saw one of the pictures she sent you when you guys were "just friends" and you and I were still together. No friend of mine has ever sent me a picture posing like that with a "**** me" look on their face. It doesn't even matter that she was fully clothed.

 

Things started falling into place after that. Her sending you all those pictures while she knew you were at home with me, for example. Who honestly sends duck-face pictures to their friends unless they're a) mocking the duck-face concept because it's ridiculous and hilarious to make fun of or b) actually thinking that it's sexy. From what I saw it was most definitely option b.

 

Sorry I burst out laughing hysterically as soon as I saw her duck-facing it up, but dude...REALLY??

 

Anyway, when you told me that you hadn't talked to her in over 3 weeks something clicked. I found it odd how as soon as she knew that you and I were kaput she disappeared off the radar. I'm sure I don't know the whole story to you two (and I don't want to) but that was pretty coincidental. I put together bits and pieces of information you let drop about her and BAM I knew what she was.

 

She is a boyfriend collector.

 

A boyfriend collector (also known as a home wrecker) is a woman who delights in coming between two people that are in a relationship. It's the ultimate ego boost when a guy leaves his gf or wife for her. After he does, she quickly loses interest in the silly jacka$$ and moves onto juicier and less single prey, leaving a trail of devastation and broken hearts behind her.

 

Well my dear, this is what happened to you. To us. You got played. The chick you thought was so great never existed. She talked and acted the way she thought you'd like and reeled you in like a fish on a line. A big ol' sucker fish!

 

You then decided that our comfortable relationship was too boring and this girl was new and exciting and... duck-facey... And you couldn't pass up the opportunity for new passion. I get it, you're feeling your age and you're going through some sort of pre-midlife crisis and this chick's interest in you made you feel like you still got it. That you're still attractive.

 

The thing is, you left someone who seriously loved you and thought you were the most handsome man on the planet. You left someone who thought you were interesting and funny and smart. You left all that for a handful of air. You left me for your goddamn ego.

 

Well buckaroo, you realize all you lost now. You are trying so hard to get me to take you back. But I can't. I won't. You see, when you left me behind I realized something. You really can't be as great as I thought if you would leave love behind for some sk*nky pictures and an ego stroke. And guaranteed you'll do it again with the next woman that shows you any attention. I'm not doing it.

 

And by the way, if you're coming to beg your ex gf to take you back, don't come with a phone full of pictures of the chick you left her for. It really makes all those heartfelt declarations of undying love, loyalty and shame smell a lot like bullsh*t.

 

I am still really bitter (obviously) about you leaving me for trash. I don't think I will ever be able to forgive you. I don't think I even want to try. Fact of the matter is I'm moving on and you are becoming less and less important in my life. I'm in the anger stage of the healing process so I'm almost there. I barely ever feel sad anymore. Mostly I feel resentment. Resentment and blinding rage that you think I would take you back after what you did. YOU messed up so you are going to have to live with the consequences of your choices. I on the other hand, am going to keep on skipping merrily into the future.

[IAmFCA]

hey you. so you decided to ask. now you know. I will be leaving you soon. this bothers you. you are processing. there is nothing you can do about it except cover up the hurt.

 

you are, we know, someone who made me incredibly happy. and then didn't. then did. and so on. and now, you've been keeping me around, on Facebook. I've been letting you. but I knew I would have to drop you as my option, once I started liking m. I wasnt going to do it quite yet,from ms perspective,I am past time. not that he doesn't keep himself optioned up.I am sure he does. in any event. you have yours. I have mine. .

dymb axs. you lost nee again, and I know how good I am by the way you want me.

 

oh well. I am hopeful I have a new thing, and I am hopeful it's satisfying. if not, I need to dump you anyhow.

[IAmFCA]

I will be the one that got away. it bothers me to abandon you, which is against all logic. so, I will learn now how to let you go, learn that it is ok to let you make your own mistakes.

 

bye

[IAmFCA]

my dear, you are becoming ever more boring. oh yes, you could turn this boat around with sex alone, that's not true but the attraction makes it seem as if it is. but really, your inability to unstick yourself is just flat out boring.

 

I wish you would say something revealing about yourself. about where you are in life, what you are feeling about me, why you still are in a relationship with someone you don't intend to commit to, but you are in fact committed, no, you're not, actually, given what I know, you're just pretending... yet you are maintaining your connection which had the impact of further cementing your relationship. oh right, I forgot, it's an ldr fwb thing. whatever. that's just so high school and college. get over it.

 

your letters to me are so revealing. step it up in your messages. otherwise,I intend to continue to ignore you. there is just nothing in it for me.

[sunshine34]

one minute I am perfectly okay, set in my ways and level headed/understood that this is right that I will be okay. the next I am depressed / sad about things, I think this is because even though we have been broken up a while we haven't been nc for more than 2 days. the second the reality of losing you starts hitting in , I've had you texting or I've texted and then something has happened to further the possibility of it working out. now it is time to deal with my feelings, it's okay that you rejected me and my proposal for our future, it's time to accept it is over forever . you are my past and that's more than okay. I will get through this. being with someone who needs other woman is unacceptable, I deserve to be treated like a princess and you didn't even take me out anymore. I just want this to be over, it is over but my feelings are not. they are stuck in the past with the man you used to be and I want to give them back to myself and leave all of this behind. I don't want any you in my thoughts .. ugh, emotional work

[IAmFCA]

okay this is bugging me. using this space to find out what's going on.

 

I am glad not to have responded. I am glad to have gone dark on you. if I never speak to you again, each of us will just fade away. except that we won't. there is no escaping each other. there is only finding a love that makes the other irrelevant.

 

So what is it that I wish to say to you? there is something bugging me.

 

is it that I am offended? but you know I am the best woman you have ever had. maybe not in all categories. best overall, for sure. so that's not it. what is ringing in my ears is your ignorance. you want to know about mm just because you thought there might be a story there? stop lying,b. first of all, how do you even know about him? you claim he dropped off my fb friends list. he was never on it.

 

are you watching my pof account? what log in of mine are you using? are you reading this now? the funny thing is, I don't care. I don't care if you read everything I write here, don't care if you read my email, track my bank account. don't care about it at all. I care that you are disingenuous.

 

you just spent time telling me how you were glad he's gone, how you get jealous, then you play it cool? lie. you say he's a fb ex friend? lie. you say you are not in love with me? deep affection? lie.

 

not too much has changed with A? lie.

 

do you even know what's important to you? can you ever claim what you feel for me? No. I married you once before. he loves me still. but my kind of love is not what he wants. same with you. you both would rather choose women who manipulate you, who you run away from and return to with regularity. that's cool, thats what you want. N never could claim her either, but she clamped down on him hard. now they have a child.

 

I guess I basically want to lecture you. we will never go out again. but you really got to get rid of a. it's just embarrassing.

 

and There It Is! the truth I've been looking for. why have I attracted men who let themselves be controlled by others? I don't want to control them. do I? Maybe I like that they need fixing. keeps me emotionally safe and also kind of absent. honestly, if b had ever been available, would I have wanted him?

 

yeah. I would have.

[IAmFCA]

okay this is bugging me. using this space to find out what's going on.

 

I am glad not to have responded. I am glad to have gone dark on you. if I never speak to you again, each of us will just fade away. except that we won't. there is no escaping each other. there is only finding a love that makes the other irrelevant.

 

So what is it that I wish to say to you?

 

is it that I am offended? but you know I am the best woman you have ever had. maybe not in all categories. best overall, for sure. so that's not it. what is ringing in my ears is your ignorance. you want to know about mm just because you thought there might be a story there? stop lying,b. first of all, how do you even know about him? you claim he dropped off my fb friends list. he was never on it.

 

are you watching my pof account? what log in of mine are you using? are you reading this now? the funny thing is, I don't care. I don't care if you read everything I write here, don't care if you read my email, track my bank account. don't care about it at all. I care that you are disingenuous.

 

you just spent time telling me how you were glad he's gone, how you get jealous, then you play it cool? lie. you say he's a fb ex friend? lie. you say you are not in love with me? deep affection? lie.

 

not too much has changed with A? lie.

 

do you even know what's important to you? can you ever claim what you feel for me? No. I married you once before. he loves me still. but my kind of love is not what he wants. same with you. you both would rather choose women who manipulate you, who you run away from and return to with regularity. that's cool, thats what you want. N never could claim her either, but she clamped down on him hard. now they have a child.

 

I guess I basically want to lecture you. we will never go out again. but you really got to get rid of a. it's just embarrassing.

 

and There It Is! the truth I've been looking for. why have I attracted men who let themselves be controlled by others? I don't want to control them. do I? Maybe I like that they need fixing. keeps me emotionally safe and also kind of absent. honestly, if b had ever been available, would I have wanted him?

 

yeah. I would have.

 

lucky he killed it for me.

[IAmFCA]

wow. got it. by keeping a man in my web, something I have done all my life, I AM being manipulative. Maybe it's subtle or different than some of the abuse I have seen (and not written about), but that's it. I am about to practice one more layer of letting go. one more layer of peace is coming my way.

 

of course. I think men leaving me is a statement about me so I keep them around till I leave them. thanks dad! you stuck around, I know, but really you left. left me anyway.

 

okay, that was then, this is now. I do not have to push b away. I do not have to keep him close. he is relying on me to use my skills to keep him. now, I let him go. he can decide to break the boundary as he has before, or to let me go. either way, I am comfortable with my path and have faith in what is right.

 

picture b on a sidewalk. walking. at 90 degrees to be. I see his back.

[IAmFCA]

for me- decision tree

 

"I noticed he dropped off your friends list"

answer- no response. ever.

 

"I am doing some techie thing"

 

 

What was/is the impact of Abby and Ann on you/your life?

[Alone Now]

MW: So big man, you said all this crazy ***** about what J was doing to mess up my life and it turns out that you lied about most of it because I confronted J on the phone last night! Who the hell do you think you are? I believed everything you said about him! J admitted he was responsible for the one time that he was caught talking trash about me, but then you made it seem like he took an ad out in the paper! All you have done MW is ruin a great friendship with a stand up guy! Why would you do that? Was he a threat to your manhood? Did you decide that if you couldn't have me no one else will? It's sickening! What's even worse is that I will forgive you and not apologize to him because I don't think I'm mature enough to admit that I allowed you to lie to me OUTRIGHT and I believe every last word you said about him! You are a sick bastard! And in a way so am I!

 

How do I go about apologizing to him? You maneuvered it so he would take the fall and I took your bait. Again!

 

I'm not suggesting that J is a choir boy, but at least he is a man! At least he got help! And he helped me realize that I needed to see a doctor. Big man MW, you said you would support me to resolve my medical issue and the minute J helped me, you went out of your way to destroy his reputation! And I bought it! What's next, you going to find dirt on every single guy I talk to and use it against them so I belong to you? You have someone! And you destroyed the one person I could be comfortable around, have fun with, who I could be myself with. We should both be ashamed of ourselves. But I learned from you that it doesn't matter who you hurt and it certainly doesn't matter if I am sorry for dropping him like a hot potato!

 

Seriously!

 

What is wrong with us?

[Alone Now]

pretty soon i hope to be in your position.. day 13 here.

 

Stay strong. It gets easier as long as you don't allow yourself to get baited or bait!