ackerman Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 So just ignore her completely? What are the chances of her coming back to me?. not necessarily ignore but just back away. your chances are higher if you dont break down, push her away, react, panic, beg, etc. my girl has been gone for nearly 2 months, no contact whatsoever, i sometimes wonder if she feels relief to be away from me (i wasnt overly persistent, I just tried to show i cared at a time when i should of left her alone). dont make the same mistake i did, keep cool and calm. if she contacts you, remain cool and calm. when she sees how her behaviour isnt affecting you, something might click in her mind and say 'wait a minute, why isnt he still contacting me?', 'wheres he gone?'. let her miss you/realise her feelings, let her make the move. one thing i regret more than anything was why didnt i just leave her alone! Link to comment
waveseer Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 She told me she doesn't like him like that cos he just messes her about and cheats and she said she likes me more than shes liked anyone. I do believe she is over him. Okay, fair enough. So what makes you think she will act suspiciously from time to time in the future? Link to comment
Steve12 Posted September 8, 2009 Author Share Posted September 8, 2009 not necessarily ignore but just back away. your chances are higher if you dont break down, push her away, react, panic, beg, etc. my girl has been gone for nearly 2 months, no contact whatsoever, i sometimes wonder if she feels relief to be away from me (i wasnt overly persistent, I just tried to show i cared at a time when i should of left her alone). dont make the same mistake i did, keep cool and calm. if she contacts you, remain cool and calm. when she sees how her behaviour isnt affecting you, something might click in her mind and say 'wait a minute, why isnt he still contacting me?', 'wheres he gone?'. let her miss you/realise her feelings, let her make the move. one thing i regret more than anything was why didnt i just leave her alone! Ah I was texting her last night a bit and a few times today cos she wasn't replying and I just wanted to talk and stuff. Have I blown it now? Link to comment
Steve12 Posted September 8, 2009 Author Share Posted September 8, 2009 Okay, fair enough. So what makes you think she will act suspiciously from time to time in the future? I don't know tbh Link to comment
waveseer Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 I don't know tbh You need time to, to understand what is making you think this way. Is it just her past behavior? Would you ever be able to trust her completely? Or is it in your nature to be naturally suspicious. If you can't get it resolved within yourself then your insecurity response to threats real or imagined will wreck any future relationship you have with this woman, and maybe any woman. Link to comment
Steve12 Posted September 8, 2009 Author Share Posted September 8, 2009 You need time to, to understand what is making you think this way. Is it just her past behavior? Would you ever be able to trust her completely? Or is it in your nature to be naturally suspicious. If you can't get it resolved within yourself then your insecurity response to threats real or imagined will wreck any future relationship you have with this woman, and maybe any woman. I could easily trust her completely. It's solely because of past actions I think. Link to comment
ackerman Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 Ah I was texting her last night a bit and a few times today cos she wasn't replying and I just wanted to talk and stuff. Have I blown it now? what did you say? well you've shown you care whether that comes accross to her as 'needy' is another story but the important thing is that you are just fighting for what you love and you dont want to give up on that person. but now its time to back away and stop. she will see the texts stopping and then just wait and see how she reacts to that. the key to this is patience and strength, your a man, show her you care but you'll also walk away if your not wanted. Link to comment
waveseer Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 I could easily trust her completely. It's solely because of past actions I think. Have you had this discussion with her yet? If not, I think it would be wise to have it before any reconciliation agreement is made. Has she apologized? Have you? Link to comment
Steve12 Posted September 8, 2009 Author Share Posted September 8, 2009 what did you say? well you've shown you care whether that comes accross to her as 'needy' is another story but the important thing is that you are just fighting for what you love and you dont want to give up on that person. but now its time to back away and stop. she will see the texts stopping and then just wait and see how she reacts to that. the key to this is patience and strength, your a man, show her you care but you'll also walk away if your not wanted. She was meant to meet me last night out in town for someones party but she just went off with other people partying (probably got with someone and didn't even ring like she said despite her seeing me when she walked past. So I just asked her what her problem is then i sent her a few texts in the early hours just asking her if she could let me know that shes ok and home safe. Then today I asked if we could hangout today and I was just talking about stuff happening in everyday life. And I asked her why she was being cold all of a sudden. Cheers for all the replies guys! Link to comment
Steve12 Posted September 8, 2009 Author Share Posted September 8, 2009 Have you had this discussion with her yet? If not, I think it would be wise to have it before any reconciliation agreement is made. Has she apologized? Have you? Yeah I have and we both apologised Link to comment
waveseer Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 Yeah I have and we both apologised Well, that's good. At least neither of you have that hanging over your heads. At this point it really is up to her to make up her mind. Do something nice for yourself, you deserve it. Link to comment
Steve12 Posted September 8, 2009 Author Share Posted September 8, 2009 Well, that's good. At least neither of you have that hanging over your heads. At this point it really is up to her to make up her mind. Do something nice for yourself, you deserve it. It is so confusing. Over the weekend I thought it was all sorting itself out. When I left hers monday morning she looked into my eyes and said she loves me then sent me a " text about 15 mins after. I`m not a bad guy at all, I`ve never once been dishonest or anything. I`ve always been loyal and put her first in my life. I just can't stop thinking about it all Link to comment
waveseer Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 It is so confusing. Over the weekend I thought it was all sorting itself out. When I left hers monday morning she looked into my eyes and said she loves me then sent me a " text about 15 mins after. I`m not a bad guy at all, I`ve never once been dishonest or anything. I`ve always been loyal and put her first in my life. I just can't stop thinking about it all It's time to put yourself first. Putting her first isn't winning you any points. Link to comment
Steve12 Posted September 8, 2009 Author Share Posted September 8, 2009 It's time to put yourself first. Putting her first isn't winning you any points. I know. I just don't know what to do with myself though. It's just in my mind whatever I try and do. Link to comment
waveseer Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 I know. I just don't know what to do with myself though. It's just in my mind whatever I try and do. That's okay, it will get better. You may have to force yourself to have fun for a while. You can do it. Link to comment
ackerman Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 She was meant to meet me last night out in town for someones party but she just went off with other people partying (probably got with someone and didn't even ring like she said despite her seeing me when she walked past. So I just asked her what her problem is then i sent her a few texts in the early hours just asking her if she could let me know that shes ok and home safe. Then today I asked if we could hangout today and I was just talking about stuff happening in everyday life. And I asked her why she was being cold all of a sudden. Cheers for all the replies guys! i really dont know why people act in this way but you cant accept this. shes too busy out having a good time and has just put you to the back of her mind. let her get on with her parties.. dress up get out there yourself and show her you can have a good time to. but just dont contact her for now, try not to for as long as you can. this is similar to my situation again, she loved her parties also, going out to flirt with others and chose that over me. sometimes what you offer a person isnt enough, they'll continue to want to do the things they want to do. you cant do anything but walk away, its not nice i know, you just want to reach out to them. again the best thing you can do is nothing. she knows she said she loves you, she also knows she got back with you when she said 'never again'. somethings there but shes denying it for whatever reasons i dont know so just keep cool. Link to comment
Steve12 Posted September 8, 2009 Author Share Posted September 8, 2009 That's okay, it will get better. You may have to force yourself to have fun for a while. You can do it. If in the next few days of no texts etc she decides she wants to meet me, what shall I do? Also if I do meet her and tries coming onto me, shall I reject it? Link to comment
waveseer Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 If in the next few days of no texts etc she decides she wants to meet me, what shall I do? Also if I do meet her and tries coming onto me, shall I reject it? I would let her know you are stepping back. I would ask her to kindly know for sure if she wants to be with you and only you before she makes contact. Link to comment
Steve12 Posted September 8, 2009 Author Share Posted September 8, 2009 Yeah I know it's ridiculous. I bet she will of got with someone cos she was drinking and she did when we were getting back together before on the same night. Also twice shes said never again, we'll never kiss or be together etc then come back. I dunno why they feel they can treat us this way. I always think in situations "Is this right?" whereas she and many other women seem to think "Can I get away with it?". Link to comment
Steve12 Posted September 8, 2009 Author Share Posted September 8, 2009 I would let her know you are stepping back. I would ask her to kindly know for sure if she wants to be with you and only you before she makes contact. How would I word this ? Link to comment
waveseer Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 How would I word this ? "I only want to be with you if you want to be with only me. Please contact me if you decide that is what you want as well. Bye." Link to comment
Steve12 Posted September 8, 2009 Author Share Posted September 8, 2009 "I only want to be with you if you want to be with only me. Please contact me if you decide that is what you want as well. Bye." Should I send this now? Or after she's come back with a few days ignoring? Link to comment
waveseer Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 Should I send this now? Or after she's come back with a few days ignoring? If you can wait that would be better, if you need to do it in order to put it to rest, it's okay to do it now. Link to comment
ackerman Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 again i did that, i asked her if we had a future, etc and she didnt respond. i will guarantee if shes ignoring you like she is, you wont get a response to that either. stop the texts all together before anger takes control. if need be turn your phone off and put it away somewhere. have some time to yourself, relax, watch some movies or something. waveseer gives some great advice but in my opinion trust me when i say leave her alone dont even send a do you want to be with me text. this is her decision now, she knows where you are. Link to comment
Steve12 Posted September 8, 2009 Author Share Posted September 8, 2009 If you can wait that would be better, if you need to do it in order to put it to rest, it's okay to do it now. I`ll leave it. Now it's the waiting game I guess! So stressed right now though, all I can thinking about is like what if this, what if that. Link to comment
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